Today in the Washington Times—a conservative paper you forgot existed—columnist Michael Taube asks a simple question regarding the NFL's Washington "Redskins": "Why not the Washington Reagans?" Indeed, why not?
Of course, Taube is a strong supporter of the football team that chooses to name itself after a racial slur. But, like many, he sees the writing on the wall after the team had its trademark erased by the United States Patent and Trademark Office, which deemed it "disparaging." Like any good conservative, Taube has a solution (that was actually first joked about on Twitter):
For one thing, it would be the ultimate tribute to Ronald Reagan. Many Americans, and the vast majority of conservatives, would applaud this decision. He was a great man, a great patriot and a great president.
It is true that many Americans—and the vast majority of conservatives—would applaud a football team named the Washington Reagans, just like many Americans—and some number of conservatives—applaud a football team named after a racial slur. Of course, a bunch of Americans would hate the name, but this is the role the Washington football team—and its owner Dan Snyder—plays in America now. The team is a symbol of pride for people in America who think Barack Obama is a secret Kenyan, which makes it pretty delicious to root against them.
The downside now is that the Washington football team's mere existence means directly offending an entire swath of people who have suffered more than enough injustices at the hands of white assholes. Renaming the team after Reagan would only be indirectly offensive, like Houston naming its team the "Texans."
The upside to the "Reagans" is that the Washington football team would only further desecrate Reagan's "legacy." Here is Taube:
If there was ever a world leader who deserved to have his name associated in a positive fashion with a sports team, it would be Reagan.
But this is the thing: it's impossible to be associated with a franchise run by Dan Snyder—please read this piece by Deadspin's Dave McKenna to understand the true depths of his villainy—in a "positive fashion." In his defense of the name "Redskins," Taube notes the following:
They've used it successfully for more than 80 years, leading to 23 playoff appearances and five NFL championships, including three Super Bowl victories.
It is true that Washington's football team is one of the most storied in NFL history, but that ceased to be the case the second they were taken over by Dan Snyder. Since he bought the franchise in 1999, they have won 104 games and lost 136. Of the 23 playoff appearances in its history, only four have happened under Snyder's watch (in 15 years). The team hasn't even sniffed any sort of championship since 1991.
Dan Snyder is both one of the most hands-on owners in the NFL and one of the worst. He is revered only by white sycophants and people who look up to white sycophants. This is a class of people that is dying. They, Dan Snyder's horrible football franchise, and the rotting memory of Ronald Reagan deserve each other.
[image via Twitter]