Greece: a proud nation. A nation with a long history (Socrates???). An unpretentious nation that supports itself by exporting a single brilliant idea: Greek yogurt. We hate to see the Proud Greek People viciously assaulted by xenophic corporate propaganda.
The Greek people are nothing if not humble. So it falls to us to stand up and speak out on their behalf. It seems it was not enough for Iceland, a bully of national proportions, to craft and disseminate gross anti-Greek messages, denigrating Greek yogurt as a healthy foodstuff. No. It seems—if events of today are to be believed—that God Above has determined that the Greek people must endure yet another example of vile antipathy directed at their modest culinary offerings.
The Wall Street Journal reports that one "Stonyfield Farms"—which may not be stony at all, and indeed, may not even be a farm—has decided to market a revolting new cheese-like substance with the most repugnant sort of fascist messaging imaginable.
Hoping to steal some of Greek yogurt's thunder, Stonyfield plans to start selling Petite Crème, a yogurt-like fresh cheese similar to French fromage blanc...
Stonyfield hopes Petite Crème will appeal to people who find Greek yogurt too thick or bitter, says Sophie Schmitt, director of marketing for Stonyfield, the largest organic-yogurt seller in the U.S. The recipe uses cheese, not yogurt bacterial cultures, giving it a smooth texture and mild taste, she says.
Starting later this summer, the company plans to pitch the product with the phrase "Cheat on Greek," while playing up its premium qualities and French connection, she says.
On behalf of the citizens of the United States of America who do not approve of the use of cultural slurs and blatant appeals for immorality as a tactic for selling dairy products, I would like to extend my most abject apologies to the citizens of Greece, and to the hardworking employees of companies such as Fage, which produce the delicious Greek yogurt we all know and love, each and every day.
Ignore them, Fage. They're just jealous. Jealous of your creaminess. Mmm. Just focus on that creaminess. Don't change nothing.