Do you want the good news or the good news? They're both made up by the Tonight Show writing staff, because even Jimmy Fallon couldn't fail to notice that everything that's really happening right now is basically terrible.

Stop covering your eyes for a couple of minutes and watch some actual local news anchors report on how things between Obama and Putin are just peachy, no one is getting divorced, ghosts are fine and can't hurt you, and "stressed" spelled backward is "desserts."

Well, that last one is true, anyway. Congratulations on almost surviving another week.

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[H/T TastefullyOff]