Jan Brewer Signs "No Shitty Inoperable Gun Left Behind" Into Law

It's time someone addressed the real victims of America's decline in traditional family values. I speak of our national shame: unwanted firearms. If Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer could, she'd adopt them all, no matter how broken. But she's doing the next best thing: finding loving homes for orphaned hand-cannons.

The conservative governor—who's bounced back nicely from those DUI hypocrisy allegations—signed a bill into law Monday that bans police in the state from destroying any firearms collected in gun buy-back programs. Rather, these poor unwanteds will have to be sold back to licensed dealers, so they can be placed in new homes with loving parents on the streets of Arizona.

That's right—there will be no melting down of sawed-off shotguns, Saturday night specials, rusty target plinkers, busted BB guns, or the occasional rocket launcher and top-flight semi-auto pistol. Arizona fosters a culture of life—for its guns! (But not, incidentally, for orphaned cats and dogs.)

Having attended a few gun buy-backs myself, I can see some negatives to the plan: Not every weapon will find a nurturing home, since "60-80% of the guns turned in are CRAP, not worth the $100 bucks given," as one pro-gun California comment-boarder notes. "Grandads [sic] rusted shotgun, that davis 25 auto you took apart and dont know how to reassemble."

Online commenters being what they are, I must take issue with him: Junk guns probably constitute closer to 90 percent of the haul in most buy-backs I've seen. Gun-lovers, always looking to adopt a promising young specimen, tend to agree. But it's a great way to get cash for that starter's pistol you stole from the JV track coach during senior week!

And think of the plus side: For that lucky 10 percent of well-oiled, still-performing Colts and Rugers and AK knockoffs, they can find a motivated, cash-carrying daddy or a mommy (but probably a daddy) of their very own to baby these guns, to love them and clean them and put rounds through them, into targets on ranges. And maybe elsewhere.

Who are these daddies and mommies? You'll never know, because Brewer signed another law Monday that "bars cities, towns and counties from collecting or maintaining any identifying information about a person who owns or sells a firearm." Thanks, Aunt Jan!

[Image via AP]