Wedding Gift Robbery, the Correct Way to Make Pudding, and Other Questionable AdviceS

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Last year, I invited a college friend to my bridal shower at my house. She came, brought a gift, and seemed to have a good time. She also stole one of my gifts—a $300 gift card to a housewares store from a group of my husband's aunts—and then re-gifted it to me for my wedding.

I found out what she had done because I cancelled the missing gift card when I discovered it was gone. I assumed it accidentally got thrown into the garbage. Months later/after the wedding, I tried to use the gift card the friend gave us, but the cashier said it was cancelled. This raised red flags so I asked the employee to trace the purchaser of her card. It turned out the name was one of my husband's aunts.

I had the chance to confront my friend shortly after my discovery, but I was so shocked and betrayed that I did nothing. Since then it's been eating away at my insides whenever she posts hypocritical messages on Facebook, like "The thief who stole my credit card should rot in hell!".

I want to finally confront her about what she did, or at least let her know that I know what she did. Is that okay?

Thatz okay.

I trust you've already decided not to be friends with this person who is not only a thief but also an inept grifter.

First, I want to commend you for being on the ball enough to cancel the card when you noticed it was missing. You are not an easy mark. This level of organization, which I'm willing to bet manifested itself as one damn nice bridal shower, was your friend's downfall.

In retrospect, maybe the very first red flag should have been that your rando college friend (I assume you're probably not super close, if she steals from you?) gave you a $300 gift card as a wedding present. Is she normally such a reverse-Scrooge, heaping extravagant gifts upon all she meets? A show pony to her mailman on Christmas; a double sawbuck to the porter. A gift half the value of that card would have been a generous one at a wedding.

Your first move should be to get in touch with your friend and tell her the card didn't work.

"Hey! Just wanted to let you know you should check your credit card statement..."

Since this is amateur hour, she might feel guilty enough that she will cough up a replacement gift card without making too much of a fuss.

"Well, what do you know! I was never charged. I'll get another card out to you right away."

This would obviously be the ideal scenario for everyone. You get a $300 gift card. She doesn't go to jail for theft.

However, she might also dig her heels in and really stick to the lie.

"What? No, I was DEFINITELY charged. I'm looking at the bill right now and it says…uh…'Def charged, $300, no problem.' So, yeah, I'm not sure what's up."

She might also tell you that she paid for the card in cash.

Now shit's getting real. You feel a little nervous, but also weirdly energized? A rush. You're pumped for battle. This is what it feels like to be a cop. You are a cop. You're RoboCop!

Focus. You now have three options.

Option A: Aggression
Tell her that actually, you've already had the store look into it, and according to their records, the card was purchased by your husband's aunt. Tell her that your husband's aunt gave you a $300 gift card before the wedding, which subsequently went missing from your bridal shower. Tell her that you then cancelled that card. Tell her that this is that card. Ask her how she'd like to proceed.

This will be extremely uncomfortable for both of you, so you have to be prepared for that. You are working hard for your gift card money (so hard for it, gift card honey).

Option B: Burglary
Alternatively, you might consider stealing $300 worth of tasteful merchandise from your friend's house. If she catches you in the act, plead "Fair-do's."

The code of thieves is clearly the only law she respects.

Option C: Cowardice
If, when push comes to shove, you find that you are too polite to reveal that you know your friend is lying, you can always just drop the subject. You mention that she's had her credit card stolen, so karma has already weighed in.

Whatever you do, don't invite her back to your home. Your house is like a museum, not a museum in a heist movie. (The things there aren't for stealing.)

My brother is trying to make chocolate pudding in the microwave, despite the fact that our stove works perfectly.

Is that okay?

Thatz okay.

Does your brother insist on building up anti-polio antibodies via vaccination even though you have a perfectly good (slightly haunted) antique wheelchair stored in the attic? Is he purchasing clothes at the shopping arcade even though you gave him a loom for Hanukkah? Does he know that you sent your Thatz Not Okay question via electronic mail, even though the coop of carrier pigeons are longing to spread their wings in flight?

It's finally happened. The neo-Luddites have come for our pudding.

Most people purchase microwave ovens so that they can use them as a tool to prepare foods quickly and easily. Was the microwave in your home installed for some other purpose? Do you store valuables in it? Is it a "shame chamber" for your hamster?

I submit that the quality of your brother's pudding would not be adversely affected by its exposure to electromagnetic radiation in the form of microwaves. The texture and consistency should remain about the same. He's not making Thanksgiving dinner here; nothing needs to be crunchy.

Consider for a moment that your brother is actually putting (PUDDING) more effort into his dessert than the average person.

An informal poll of my coworkers found that, if they were to find themselves at home craving pudding, all but one would just go to the store and buy some. The one person who would said he would prepare his own also offered to buy it, because he is a pudding monster.

Is it the radiation you object to? You already have a microwave in your home. Ask your brother to stand away from it while he makes the pudding.

And if your brother is a child, it's probably safer for him to make pudding in the microwave than over the stove.

If he's not a child, why are you sweating how he makes his pudding?

Submit your "Thatz Not Okay" questions here. Image from Shutterstock