"The fun thing about clown sex is there's really no rules," says Jay, a 33-year-old from Chicago and expert on the subject. Jay shared his fetish and many of its accompanying toys—greasepaint, rubber noses, clown pants that you can wear with nothing under them, a cat o' nine tails made of uninflated balloons—on an episode of Logo's sex therapy reality show Bad Sex last night.
The show was like Rob Zombie's dream and almost everyone else's nightmare. Jay had a host of wonderful things to say—among them: "I like to make balloon animals because I'm extremely talented," "Just to smell the paint coming up off her face is enough for me," and "She said yes to clown sex and I cannot wait to honk that nose!"—but lurking behind that cheerily painted exterior is malice. Yes, that is generally how it goes with clowns.
Jay, who dabbles with S&M generally in a string of virtually anonymous encounters during sex binges, says, "The people that I'm picking up are worthless." He also said during a group-therapy session:
One of the things I did in the past that I really found fun was I would find girls in bars and convince them to come home with me where I would just debase them and humiliate them until I let them loose into the world hoping that they're wounded and I really enjoyed that kind of thing.
Scariest clown ever. Also: what a dick. As Mo'Nique once said on Charm School, "See, when you do clownery, the clown comes back to bite."
During a one-on-one with Bad Sex's therapist, Chris Donaghue, Jay revealed that he was rejected as a child and had never been invited to a party. And now life is one big birthday bash...with sexy results.
In the end, Jay convinced his fuck buddy Liz to have clown sex and then she became his girlfriend. Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?