· Oh, look, someone in Hollywood hates a Times writer. Actor Gael Garcia Bernal gets pissy on Lynn Hirschberg for saying he "clashed" with Bad Education director Pedro Almodovar. [Page Six]
· Paris Hilton is now fucking Australian tennis player Mark Philippoussis, much to his girlfriend's dismay. [NYDN]
· Meanwhile, everyone should look forward to Nicole Richie's advice book, which should have helpful hints on evading the cops when you're carrying kilos of the good stuff. [Lowdown]
· Monica Lewinsky is dating Tracks managing editor Perry van der Meer. Yep, saw that one coming. [ELK]
· Halloween at the Brooklyn Children's Museum will have a Michael Jackson's Thriller theme. You're not supposed to genuinely scare kids on Halloween, jackasses. [Page Six]
· Last, but certainly not least: R&B star Usher's sex tape is being hawked on the black market. Isn't about time someone sold a super-DVD with all the compiled celebrity porn footage? [R&M]

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