Just when we thought that this whole J-Lo situation had splooged itself out in one disappointing orgasm of media meat-beating, Page Six nudges the world and demands another go-around. They say that Lopez was so hot to get married because Marc Anthony's JV salsa-singing seed had already successfully found its quarry within a J-llopian tube. (She's knocked up.) And it's "Hollywood Official:" her business manager/guru just went with a "no comment," not even bothering with a transparent denial.

In non-pregnancy news, Lopez fired publicist Ron Shuter and hired Nanci Ryder. Look for her to cut her teeth on the Lopez account by issuing the first pregnancy denial. (CLARIFICATION: Leslie Sloane handles J-Lo's flacking when she's in NY. Our head hurts. Can't just one person lie for both coasts?)

• J.LO, MARC INFANT-ICIPATING? [NYP]
• Please, Jesus, Within Two Years Let Me Marry An Overexposed, Serial-Bride Pop Star With A Huge Ass; Also, Can You Kill Ricky Martin? [Defamer]
• Please, God, Don't Let The Gays Wed, They'll Make A Mockery Of The Institution [Defamer]

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