Treasury Reimburses Man $500 for Mangled Dogshit-Stained Bills

Wayne Klinkel of Helena, Montana was reimbursed $500 Monday by the federal government after the family dog ate a wad of cash at Christmastime. In December, Klinkel and his wife left Sundance, their 12-year-old Golden Retriever, in the car while they ate at a diner; after eating, they realized the cash they’d left in the car was gone and that Sundance, who eats “anything in sight,” was responsible for the disappearance.

Knowing “it all comes out in the end,” Klinkel embarked on a long, shitty journey:

So for the rest of his vacation, whenever Sundance went outside to take care of business, Wayne donned rubber gloves and followed his dog, hot on his “trail,” so to speak.

Wayne retrieved quite a few fragments, but it wasn’t until his daughter visited Helena in March that she was able to give him enough remnants for him to piece together portions of all five bills. He thoroughly washed them — again with gloved hands —and let the pieces soak for about a week while he tried to get in the right frame of mind for the task at hand.

Eventually, he drained and rinsed the pieces, using a screen made for panning for sapphires. Once the bills were dry, he painstakingly pieced them back together, taped them and put each individual bill in a plastic bag. On April 15, the Klinkels submitted them in plastic baggies to the Federal Treasury hoping to be reimbursed.

On Monday afternoon, Klinkel actually received the reimbursement check from the government. “I opened it and thought ‘holy s—t,’” Klinkel told the Independent Record. “I gave Sundance a pat, showed it to him and told him not to eat it.” The check helped cover the cost of Sundance’s most recent eye surgery.

And if you’re wondering why Klinkel left the money in a cubby in the car, well, there’s this: “Wayne still doesn’t carry a billfold — years ago his chiropractor told him it could be contributing to his back problems.” Because I'm sure bending over shit-stained bills for months is a much better chiropractic solution.

[Image via Eliza Wiley / Independent Record]