Twitter Biographies Are Dumb but Yours Could Still Probably Be BetterS

Today the New York Times style section has taken on the topic of Twitter biographies, where "surreal Dadaists and suburban dads alike demonstrate that they are special snowflakes with Wes Anderson-worthy quirks."

While Teddy Wayne ("Author of the novels THE LOVE SONG OF JONNY VALENTINE and KAPITOIL") expounds considerably more than 160 characters on the hallowed, fallowed Twitter biography section, he manages to feature the good (Hillary Clinton has a "self-deprecating élan"), the bad ("self-aggrandizing words" like addict, junkie, afficionado; anything ending in -ista), and the ugly ("humble brags," "unchecked self-promotion," and the "blandly literal").

But the best part is probably the psuedo fan-fiction analysis provided for actor Tom Hanks (“I’m that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn’t. Sometimes I’m in pretty good shape, other times I’m not. Hey, you gotta live, you know?”)

Tom Hanks needs no introduction, yet an aw-shucks approach for him — such as “I once said something about a box of chocolates” — may project as false modesty.

Who are you in 160 characters?