Gawker: Ugh

Stop Encouraging These Child Foodies

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 10:24:02 EDT

Food snobs themselves may ultimately provide some trickle-down benefits to the public at large—for example, you can buy "chipotle" flavored Tostitos now. But child foodies provide nothing of benefit to anyone. Just heartache and misery, to all of us. So restaurants: please do not encourage them. More »

Americans Respond to Norway Attacks by Shooting Each Other

Lauri Apple — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 15:36:29 EDT

If you spent yesterday huddled in a corner with a bottle of vodka, crying and depressed about all of the massacre and death news that this weekend has brought us so far, well ... you might want to get a refill on that drink. More »

Women's World Cup Final Inspiring Awful Pearl Harbor Comments

Lauri Apple — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 17:07:46 EDT

Earlier this year, after the Tohoku earthquake and tsunami devastated much of Japan, various "patriots," ahem, claimed via Facebook and Twitter that the disaster was "karmic payback" for the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Apparently their work making America look terrible wasn't finished! More »

An Outraged Bam Margera Responds to Roger Ebert's Mean Tweet About Ryan Dunn

Seth Abramovitch — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 02:30:51 EDT

So Roger Ebert went and posted that stupid tweet this morning about Ryan Dunn's death, "Friends don't let jackasses drink and drive," which he is still standing behind, but really, just shut up Roger Ebert? Nothing was conclusive at the time of the tweet, friends and fans were still in mortal shock over the awful news, and if I wanted lectures about the perils of drunk driving, which I do not, I wouldn't seek them out from a movie critic? That tweet just summed up everything that's annoying about Twitter to me. People wanting to be heard, me not wanting to hear them. (And stop contributing New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest entries, already! You got your framed trophy and bragging rights. How much validation of one's pithiness can one man possibly need?) More »

Airplanes Are Just Like Slave Ships, Says Some Kind of Expert

Seth Abramovitch — Wed, 25 May 2011 01:22:28 EDT

Steven Heller is a celebrated expert. His area of expertise is graphic design. In other words, he sees order in patterns in ways that the layman cannot. For example, in a piece today for PrintMag.com entitled "A Curious Similarity," he couldn't help but notice the parallels between airplane seating arrangements and slave ships. Wait! Let him explain. He backs it up with visual evidence and everything: More »

$2600 Bottled Water Is the Same as $2 Water, Says Company Owner

Maureen O'Connor — Mon, 09 May 2011 18:21:54 EDT

After pricing crystal-studded bottles of water at $35 and $55, BlingH2O has now introduced a $2600 bottle of water. It's exactly the same as water they sell at Cracker Barrel, but with fancier packaging: More »

The 'Advertising in Books' Wall Has Been Breached

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 12:24:43 EDT

Harry Hurt III (pictured, with pal) used to write a column in the New York Times business section called "Executive Pursuits," in which Harry Hurt went off and did something wacky and upscale and wrote about it. It always struck me as a wholly unnecessary exercise in self-absorption, which had nothing to do with business at all, except for the fact that Harry Hurt is a rich guy. Now, he's back—pioneering the use of advertising and product placement in books. Oh. Good. More »

Law & Order: LA Filming a Gabrielle Giffords-Inspired Episode

Seth Abramovitch — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 03:29:46 EDT

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Think whatever you want about NBC's Law & Order franchise. I know it has its adherents. But I think it's a gross, stupidly written collection of shows that passes off profound human suffering as casual entertainment. Every time I accidentally stumble onto it, some five-year-old is playing with Legos and describing how he was recently raped, while Ice-T and Richard Belzer make wisecracks in the background. How is this acceptable? It isn't. More »

Arizona Votes to Allow Firearms on Campus

Seth Abramovitch — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 01:49:53 EDT

In a landmark piece of legislation that once again demonstrates their profound capacity for out-of-the-rational-box thinking, the Arizona House of Representatives has voted to allow guns on campuses. More »

The Rewrite Desk: Texas Child Gang Rape Story Edition

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 10:03:26 EDT

In his dreary magazine column last weekend, NYT editor Bill Keller noted that he'd ordered up a new story to follow the paper's March 8 "ham-handed article that led some readers to think we were blaming the 11-year-old victim of a monstrous gang rape in Texas." The new story is out today. Let's compare. More »

Millions of Mommy Bloggers Are For Sale, Cheap

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 11:38:26 EDT

Across America, millions upon millions of despondent mothers (3.9 million, specifically!) have started blogs to share their feelings of anomie, their existential despair at the trap that their lives have become, and cleaning tips. Many of them aspire to one day be used as a small cog in a vast corporate marketing machine. They work cheap! More »

National Review: Why Didn't Hitler and Qaddafi Bag Hotter Chicks?

Maureen O'Connor — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 12:38:31 EST

With revolution sweeping the Arab world and new photos of Hitler's mistress coming to light, murderous dictators are much in the news. Here's border control zealot Mark Krikorian raising a timely question, in National Review blog The Corner: More »

Animal Hats Not Going Away For Some Reason

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 16:34:03 EST

Jesus Christ: According to the final word in trendwatching, the New York Times Style section, those god damn hats with animal faces and animal ears on them that make the wearer appear to be a mentally feeble four year-old girl "are a trend that shows no sign of going away." More »

Scenes from the Most Annoying Cocktail Party in Williamsburg

Maureen O'Connor — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 18:44:16 EST

"If you don't have a bartender at your party, you're a loser," said a guy whose job is "to get models and Saudi royalty into hot clubs," to an NYT Style reporter at a party in a cramped Williamsburg apartment. More »

Justice Department Files Emergency Request to Keep DADT Alive

Jim Newell — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 17:02:28 EDT

The Justice Department has asked a federal judge to let it keep enforcing "Don't Ask Don't Tell" while it appeals the injunction. More »

Government Raises Estimate of BP Oil Flow to 60,000 Barrels a Day

Max Read — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 02:20:00 EDT

New government estimates place the rate of flow from the Deepwater Horizon leak at 60,000 barrels of oil a day. More »

Florida's Beaches: Somewhat Oil Free

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 16:37:00 EDT

When the oil spill hit, Florida ran ads assuring tourists that "Our Coast Is Clear." The ad's now been amended: There are "plenty of places" in Florida not soaking in toxic oil. Your chances are still good! [Adfreak] More »

Oil Spill Coming to Sunny Florida

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 09:39:20 EDT

The floating oil in the Gulf of Mexico is now about seven miles from the beaches of Pensacola, Florida. Officials say it's "inevitable" the oil will hit the Florida panhandle beaches soon. Across the state, unity was the day's theme. More »

California County Separates Old Gay Couple, Sells All Their Stuff

Pareene — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:41:27 EDT

Here is a terrible, tragic story about the separation of an elderly gay couple by Sonoma County, California, the subsequent death of one member of that couple, and the auctioning of their property. A suit has been filed. More »

Lingerie Football Players on Probation for Wearing Too Much

Maureen O'Connor — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 03:01:39 EDT

Masturbatory fantasy football team Miami Caliente's quarterback and best receiver are on probation for wearing shoulder pads over their satin lingerie uniforms on a local magazine's cover. Unauthorized clothing constitutes a breach of contract. [NewTimes via BullfightsOnAcid] More »

High Society: The Return to Monster Island

Richard Lawson — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:26:22 EDT

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Well, it came back. We thought we'd burned this show and buried its remains in enough sacred burial grounds that it wouldn't be able to regenerate, but it has, and it's worse than ever. More »

Tea Partiers Know the Founders Didn't Intend For Anyone to Be Nice to Sick People

Pareene — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:53:34 EDT

Do you feel love for your fellow man today? Allow me to do something about that: here are some teabaggers throwing dollar bills at a guy with Parkinsons who has the temerity to support health care reform. [Via] More »

Bleak News of the Day

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 17:13:02 EST

A janitor at Ohio State University was told that he'd be getting laid off. This morning, he shot two of his supervisors, killing one. Then he killed himself. Since no students were hurt, this incident will be quickly forgotten. [LAT] More »

The Week We Unfriended Scott Brown

Pareene — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 18:30:00 EST

This week, the Olympics and the political career of our accidental governor both slowly, painfully ground to a halt. More »

The Singular Delights of 'Foodie Yoga'

Adrian Chen — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 23:18:19 EST

Normally, this post would have been written by Gawker night editor Adrian Chen. However, after reading this article on 'foodie yoga' he hung himself with his MacBook's power cord. Please welcome our guest columnist, foodie yoga enthusiast Samuel Lewis More »

NYU Professor Commits Suicide

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 09:17:41 EST

NYU computer science professor Sam Roweis killed himself last night after arguing with his wife about child care. "[All] of a sudden, in the middle of the argument, he jumped over the 16th-floor balcony." NYU's bizarre suicide trend persists. [NYP] More »

Bush Admin Lawyer Charged with Attempted Wife-Murder

Pareene — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 14:12:02 EST

Former Deputy White House Counsel J. Michael Farren has been arrested and charged with attempting to kill his wife. He reportedly beat her with a flashlight, and she is "lapsing in and out of consciousness" in a hospital. George W. Bush brought in Farren in 2007, when his administration faced a whole lot of investigations and subpoenas. Farren previously had worked for George H. W. Bush and in Reagan's Department of Commerce. More »

Regis and Kelly Revisit Holiday Duets of Christmases Past

Whitney Jefferson — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 13:18:41 EST

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Reeg and Kelly either don't have a whole lot to talk about or are incredibly self-obsessed. Because, well, what better way to pass the time than by taking a look back at all of their horror-inducing duets? More »

God Damn Neal Boulton Somehow Co-Opts Tiger Woods Publicity

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 09:26:43 EST

Who is the big winner in this Salacious Tiger Woods Sex Scandal? Self-promoting pansexual former gay magazine editor Neal Boulton. More »

Ugh, Dreaded Double Digit Unemployment Is Here

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:39:46 EST

The official unemployment rate is now 10.2%, higher than analysts expected, according to Bloomberg. More »

'Of All the Things He's Done ... the Hair Burning Incident Stands Out'

Gabriel Snyder — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:55:17 EDT

For as little as $1,600, Michael Jackson's singed hair can be yours. [Sun] More »

MSNBC's Continues Tradition of Airing PTSD-Inducing 9/11 Footage

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:26:48 EDT

There are many ways to memorialize the eighth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. This morning, MSNBC chose the worst: re-airing the tape of their coverage from that terrible morning. More »

Right-Wing Press to Publish Right-Wing Beauty Queen's Right-Wing Book, Coos Right-Wing Blog

Richard Lawson — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 15:39:14 EDT

Oh good! Carrie Prejean, the brave stateswoman who stood up nobly at a Miss USA pageant and said that gay people shouldn't have equal rights, has landed a book deal with prestigious imprint Regnery. Andrew Breitbart is so excited! More »

Ambulance-Chasing, PR Version

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 10:31:03 EDT

Never let it be said that Ronn [sic] Torossian was not among the very first shameless D-grade flacks to post a Youtube video opining on the future of Michael Jackson's "brand" before the man's body was even cold. More »

Newspaper Company Builds Its Own Coffin

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:33:02 EDT

Scripps—the company that closed the Rocky Mountain News and posted a $220 million loss last quarter—is opening its brand new, $95 million headquarters for the Naples (FL) Daily News. It is the worst newspaper business thing ever. More »

Everyone Overseas Wants to See a Terminated America

Richard Lawson — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:52:00 EDT

Funny little news today about the internet, about foreign box office, about annoying reality shows on CBS and bizarro ones on Canadian TV. Plus news on your home movie about furries. More »

What's Up With the Albany Coup?

Pareene — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 14:36:49 EDT

New York's fate rests in the open palms of a guy who lives in Westchester but represents the Bronx and who works in a little shithole 130 miles up the Hudson from here. And the guy who slashed his girlfriend. More »

This Abortion-Providing Doctor Is Probably the Next to be Assassinated

Pareene — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 10:05:05 EDT

There is only one clinic in all of Mississippi where women can obtain a legal abortion. This is breaking news, Washington Post? We're surprised there's one! Let's all meet the next doctor to be murdered by domestic terrorists: More »

David Carradine Death Photo Rules Out Suicide

Foster Kamer — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:44:40 EDT

A Bangkok tabloid ran a photo of David Carradine's hanging body that was leaked to them in this morning's edition. The rather disturbing photo definitely shows the actor's hands tied above his head. There's something eerily off, here. More »

Get Funemployed!

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:47:03 EDT

The Way We Live Now: Funemployed. That's the new word, really! Does it sort of make you want to get gangsters to dispose of the linguist who coined "Funemployment," then flee to live on a houseboat barge? You're not alone. More »