Hook Ups: As commenter LatestBy said in last night's live blog this scene has a hot tub, champagne, girl-on-girl action, and a trucker hat. It is like Jersey Shore Mad Libs.

More importantly, it shows that all behavior, even homosexual behavior, is meant to attract a heterosexual partner. And Snoggie's plan worked, because immediately after making out with her friend Ryder (it is a name and a directive), she hooks up with The Situation in a hot tub situation.

That was almost the only romantic situation The Situation found himself in last night, because he spent most of it moping about the fact that Sammi (the Helen of Toy) was getting with Righteous Ronnie and not with him. Ronnie took as much glee in getting his ships launched by Sammi as he did by besting his romantic rival. It's about the competition as much as it is about the conquest. Their feelings deepened throughout the evening, and Ronnie even took Sammi out on a date of go-karts and mini golf. Because a man isn't worth having if he won't fight for her, Sammi SoSo invited The Situation to join their situation. He rightly declined, because the only threeways he wants to engage in involved two girls. Ronnie, on the other hand, might take the opportunity to cross swords.

In much worse shape were Trash Bags and her boyfriend, Hefty, who dumped her shortly after showing up at the shore to hang out with Trash Bags and her interchangeable friends Alana and Elena. There was little explanation given. Then, thanks to Alana or Elena (it doesn't matter which, they share a hive mind) we found out that Hefty is married to Erica, the matriarch of the Glad Family of Products, so he isn't even available. Oh, but they're getting a divorce. Way to stay "classy," Trash Bags.

ShamWOWW's boyfriend Vince Shlomi also came down for a visit and brought his friend Billy Mays. He brought red roses and baby's breath that he bought from a lady with three teeth on Rte. 35 ten minutes before arriving. Red roses and baby's breath are a natural aphrodisiac to the guidette, because they read as "classy" while still being "trashy" at the same time. Nothing makes them wetter. It will also postpone them from telling you that they saw another man's penis piercing just the night before. After a night out on the town and an early morning cuddling in the guest room, Vince tells ShamWOWW that if she ever cheats on him it's over. She decides right then and there that she isn't going to tell him about DJ Paulie's D.