Vox Contrives A Stirring Hypothetical About Ferguson

Just a few weeks after Ezra Klein's bro-splainer site wondered, for no apparent reason, how the "spontaneous reunification" of Pangaea would affect the Ebola epidemic, Vox is now entering the realm of media criticism and asking: "How would we cover Ferguson if it were happening in another country?"

As Vox's Max Fisher, man of dull opinions, explains the piece: "Here, to borrow a great idea from Slate's Joshua Keating, is a satirical take on the story you might be reading if Ferguson were in, say, Iraq or Pakistan." What a way to launch into a bit of humor! Are you ready?

FERGUSON — Chinese and Russian officials are warning of a potential humanitarian crisis in the restive American province of Missouri, where ancient communal tensions have boiled over into full-blown violence.

"We must use all means at our disposal to end the violence and restore calm to the region," Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said in comments to an emergency United Nations Security Council session on the America crisis.

The crisis began a week ago in Ferguson, a remote Missouri village that has been a hotbed of sectarian tension. State security forces shot and killed an unarmed man, which regional analysts say has angered the local population by surfacing deep-seated sectarian grievances. Regime security forces cracked down brutally on largely peaceful protests, worsening the crisis.

Well, problem No. 1 is that for a satire this is unfunny as shit. Problem No. 2 is that for a news story parody it's not even a good fake-serious news story.

But worse than any of the rest is the smugness. During a crisis of police brutality and criminal justice there are better points to make than "the U.S. media is out of touch with the rest of the world," and better qualities to demonstrate than self-satisfied cosmopolitanism.

Vox, you are not ready for media criticism. Stick to explainers, like this one: "Have the protests in Ferguson, Mo. been peaceful?"

Good question!