Wall Street Journal Reminds All Its Reporters to Be Sexy

The Wall Street Journal, America’s premier lifestyle magazine for teens who love fashion, beauty, and fun, issued a friendly yet firm memo to staff Monday morning reminding everyone that staying abreast of international business and economic developments is important, but looking good on tape is just as, if not more important.

…we want to remind those appearing on camera that you should take into consideration your appearance both in terms of journalistic content and on-air presentation.

In the emailed memo, WSJ Deputy Editor in Chief Matt Murray and video operations head Chris Cramer, plead with the filthy, misshapen trolls they hired to churn out lengthy think pieces on the European debt crisis in exchange for cats to eat to JUST BE HOT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. Why don't the Wall Street Journal-ists try taking “neat and professional dress” out for a spin before appearing on screen? Maybe everyone would like to experiment with a new hairstyle called "combed hair"?

There’s even an in-house makeup artist whose life’s passion is to take the face your mama gave ya and fix it so that it is presentable to humans.

…a quick visit to our resident makeup artist on the 6th floor is encouraged before each appearance for both men and women – even for just a quick dash of powder. You want the spotlight focused on your stellar journalism – not shining off your forehead.

At the end of the memo, Murray and Cramer acknowledge that journalism is a fast-paced world driven by tight deadlines. Sometimes, people just don't have time to be made camera ready. If you're under the clock, and more worried about facts than face, don't stress about getting made up. All you have to do is your job (whichincludesswingingbythe6thfloorformandatorymakeup).

We fully understand and appreciate the deadline pressure you are under and will make you camera ready in moments.

If you don't work from the New York offices, God help you. Watch blush tutorials on YouTube. Explore plastic surgery options in the U.S. and abroad. Consider taking up another profession, like "ugly waitress," "ugly anesthesiologist" or "ugly accountant."

If you’re in a bureau or coming to us remotely, please keep the above guidelines in mind prior to your appearance.

Read the full memo here; guess which on camera uggo inspired this memo in the first place below.

[Image via Shutterstock]

To contact the author of this post, email caity@gawker.com.