The "cunt punt" was still fresh on Michael Shannon's lips when the inevitable demand was first issued: Do Morgan Freeman next.
How great would that be? The God of Narration reciting the most deranged sorority girl email of all time? Well DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: It ain't gonna happen.
So here's the next best thing: Josh Robert Thompson, best known as the best Morgan Freeman impressionist in the biz, reading the email in Freeman's stead.
So tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in because this is going to be a smooth fucking ride.