Warren Buffett Joins Twitter, Can Fuck With Stock Prices In Real Time

If, while web-surfing at work, you ever wonder about the weather in Omaha or pine for platitudes about thriftiness and solid work ethics, take heart! A rich old man has joined Twitter to tell you things, and also to throttle world markets with RTs of Buzzfeed links, so kick back and grab a Werther's Original.

A representative of Warren Buffett announced today that the billionaire value-stock picker, famed for his love of dead-tree news, would be joining Twitter and sending his first tweet today. True to his word, the Nebraskan joined up just after noon and flexed his hip muscles:

What else will Buffett tweet? A must-buy recommendation for Geico? A trenchant comparison of private equity firms to boob-loving "porn shop operators"? A platitudinous exhortation to "never lose money"? The internet has its theories.

Whatever he tweets, one thing is for certain: It will, from time to time, send twitchy stock markets into paroxysms of confusion and panic, leading directly to a wipeout of your meager retirement savings account. But financial failures are healthy, like the Oracle of Omaha always says: "You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out."

Long-term, though, expect the tycoon to use Twitter as a bully pulpit for his proposed Buffett Rule: No manual RTs, a-holes!

[WSJ; Image via AP]