Photo: AP

The comedian Amy Poehler was recently fined for excessive water use in the drought-stricken state of California, where she is reportedly among the worst water waste offenders in Beverly Hills. Why does she need so much water? Her representatives have so far declined to respond to requests for comment, so we’ll have to guess.

According to the Los Angeles Times, Poehler—who is reportedly single and has two children—used 170,000 gallons of water between May and July last summer. That averages out to about 2,786 gallons of water a day; for context, the national average for a family of four is about 400 gallons, according to the EPA.

That’s a lot of water! In lieu of an explanation, some guesses:

Growing almonds

Approximately 1.1 gallons per almond.

Fracking

One million-plus gallons.

Water balloon fight

Approximately .69 gallons per balloon.

Sharks

At least 400 gallons for the tank but like, way more if you want it to look cool.

Ripping up Will Arnett’s unsold scripts and flushing each piece individually

As many as seven gallons per flush.

Daily Slip n Slide

Depends on the hose length—maybe 800 gallons an hour?

Running a home laundry service called Wash & Poehld

Between 30 and 40 gallons of water per load.

Timing the sprinklers to go off when Will Arnett picks the kids up with the top down.

About 12 gallons per minute.

Running the shower in every bathroom so it sort of sounds like rain

Something like 2.1 gallons per minute.

Accidental basement flood that ruined all the boxes Will Arnett left behind

Priceless

Putting water in a cup and then pouring the cup down the drain

About one cup of water per pour.

Refilling the pool with fresh water on the off-chance today is the day Tina Fey was referring to when she said she’d come by “one of these days.”

Around 18,000 gallons but totally worth it.

Truly a mystery for our times. If you know what Amy Poehler is doing with all that water, feel free to get in touch at tips@gawker.com, or don’t, whatever.