What Is Lady Gaga's Big, Damaging Secret?

TMZ reports that a judge has granted the request of fine/foine artist Lady Gaga to seal documents in a court case between her former boyfriend and producer Rob Fusari and former friend Wendy Starland. Here is the elliptical way in which TMZ fills in the details:

Gaga felt the information could harm her ... by exposing details of a financial settlement she made with Fusari YEARS ago, in addition to other sensitive personal info.

A NY judge has sided with Gaga and ordered the docs sealed, pointing out that both Gaga and Rob want the info under wraps. So it's pretty obvious ... Wendy's the one with the damaging info.

The judge made it clear — the information could definitely "seriously injure" Gaga.

So what is the secret? I know what you're thinking: a penis. But that rumor has been around so long that I don't think it could do any more damage than it already has. The world is changing. A hidden penis could end up being a boost to the nonstop shockfest that is Gaga's career.

Instead, I offer these guesses and ask you to provide some guesses of your own:

  • She played Paul Pfeiffer on The Wonder Years.
  • She was the ghost in Three Men and a Baby.
  • She is descended from the flying monkeys in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz.
  • She is the walrus.
  • She hates white people.
  • She provided the voice of Paula Abdul in several of her hits. She also voiced Maggie Simpson that one time that Maggie popped out her pacifier and said, "Daddy."
  • Her hair isn't really whatever color it is.
  • She is bath salts.
  • She once had to have a gallon of semen pumped from her stomach.
  • Her whole image is a ruse: She doesn't take herself nearly as seriously as she makes it seem and is promoting the whole pop-star-as-serious-artist model as a dare from Klaus Biesenbach.
  • ARTPOP sucks.

[Image via Getty]