There are only several hundred more days until the 2016 presidential election—have you picked your favorite candidate yet? No? Well, perhaps it would help to imagine each one of them, who are all so confident that they should be the next person to run this country into the ground, as a dog.
What kind of dog is each presidential candidate? Through careful scientific calculations, we have determined which breed best matches each hopeful. The following assertions are final.
Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton is intelligent, warm, and popular with old people. She’s a total teacup French bulldog.
Donald Trump, still polling first among the Republican candidates, is clearly a teacup French bulldog. He’s a barker!
Martin O’Malley, the cutest Democratic presidential candidate since 2004 John Edwards, is a teacup French bulldog. No duh.
Republican neurosurgeon Ben Carson is soft-spoken and a little sleepy, just like an adorable teacup French bulldog.
Vermont’s own Bernie Sanders has a vision for society “where poverty is absolutely unnecessary, [and] where international relations are not based on greed.” A teacup French bulldog through and through.
Would a teacup French bulldog show up to a Senate vote? Probably not, which is why Marco Rubio is that kind of dog.
Some have called the GOP’s only female candidate Carly Fiorina a “pitbull.” Perhaps it would surprise you to know that she is actually a teacup French bulldog.
Just like his father and brother, Jeb Bush is a teacup French bulldog.
Ted Cruz likes to say he went to Princeton. But did you know he’s also a teacup French bulldog?
This one was easy: Chris Christie is a teacup French bulldog.
Teacup French bulldogs are so cute, and I love to look at pictures of them online.
Of all God’s creatures, teacup French bulldogs are probably #1, and I’m sure Mike Huckabee would agree. He’s a teacup French bulldog.