Haha, would you believe me if I told you that Whole Foods, the grocery store of Wealthy Housewives On Their Way to Yoga Who Just Need a $12.99 Juice, is still trying to convince America that it is not an "expensive" grocery store? What's the big joke, guys?
For more than a year, a store in which the average American cannot afford anything except the house brand "365 Everyday Value" corn flakes and an individual Burt's Bees lip balm by the register has been working to persuade us all that, no, really, your "price perception" is all wrong. Why, that small deli fruit salad comes in at under double digits! Perfect for kids. The Wall Street Journal reports today that Whole Foods is still engaged in a hilarious form of play acting in which they attempt to divine what a "regular" grocery store might be like, without actually losing any money in the process. How can you beat deals like this?
One of the chain's latest initiatives: nationwide "flash" sales on specific items promoted on Twitter and Facebook that run for just a few hours, like a five-hour buy-one-get-one-free deal on ice cream last month. The chain also is increasing one-day sales on items like salmon, blueberries and organic chicken to 17 this fiscal year, from 14 last year.
Hahaha a half-day sale of a single item held a little more than once a month? They are practically Costco, over there at the Whole Foods! The poors will come flooding in any day now, in search of organic chicken, assuming they are constantly checking the Whole Foods Twitter feed, on their iPhones! Discountville, thy name is Whole Foods!
We kid, you guys are doing a great job. We're definitely going to loot your place first when the time comes.