A Seattle couple returned to their condo Wednesday night to find it completely torn apart. Clothes and electronics were strewn all over the bed, their junk mail had been all been opened, and a can of paint had been poured over the toilet. "It was just trashed," Bridget O'Neill told Vocativ.
The doorknobs were slathered with lotion and several pairs of O'Neill's shoes had been separated from their heels, but nothing seemed to be missing. When O'Neill and her husband Brian called the cops, they couldn't find fingerprints or evidence of any theft.
They did find a purse with a 27-year-old woman's ID in it, though.
Satisfied that the homeowners weren't in danger, the cops left. But not for long, because that's when the noises started.
"It sounded like a dying possum or raccoon. I had only heard wounded animals make that kind of noise before," Brian O'Neill told Vocativ.
"Now facing the possibility of having to figure out how to arrest a poltergeist, officers dutifully sped back to the University District condo," wrote Jonah Spangenthal-Lee, who runs SPD's brilliant police blotter.
Officers pulled the owner of the purse from the narrow space underneath the bed, where she'd been hiding for at least two hours.
She told the cops she'd been on a days-long "meth rampage." They believe she climbed a tree, opened the window, and hid under the bed in a bout of intense paranoia. At roughly 5'7" and 90 pounds, she was able to squeeze into a space normally only used by the O'Neills' two cats.
While she was under there, she had been cutting apart the boxspring with a kitchen knife, and she also left behind a needle (in the bed) and her hair (all over the house).
Meth: Not even once, for days at time, with a knife, under a strange family's bed.