New Rules for Writing About Williamsburg

Another Thursday, another New York Times Style section faux-trend story about Williamsburg. It's all a bit tedious, isn't it? Since these stories are written primarily to generate blog posts by people like us, we feel entitled to demand a few changes in how this neighborhood is covered, moving forward.

Situations In Which It Will Be Acceptable to Write and Publish News Stories About Williamsburg

  • Mass shooting
  • Traffic pileup of more than 20 cars
  • Fire consuming greater than 30% of the total developed real estate
  • Asteroid strike
  • Godzilla attack
  • One of those big condos just falls down unexpectedly

This list should be clear enough. But where does that leave all the stories about upwardly mobile young whites moving into a neighborhood that they formerly did not inhabit and building lots of fancy restaurants and bars and hotels and condos and driving up the real estate prices and having kids and pushing strollers and eating brunch and having parties that eventually attract curious Manhattanites? We're glad you asked.

Trend Stories Formerly Written About Williamsburg May Now Only Be Written About the Following Neighborhoods

  • Bed-Stuy
  • Crown Heights
  • Prospect Lefferts Gardens
  • Ditmas Park
  • Sunnyside
  • Ridgewood

When we reach the day when we're being subjected to unbearable faux-trend stories about "North Bed-Stuy vs. South Bed-Stuy, which has best maintained its bohemian D.I.Y. roots, with its indie boutiques, bearded mixologists, artists’ lofts and working-class families?" then we will update this list.

[Photo: Flickr]