Thatz Not Okay: Can You Tell Someone They Look Like Hitler?

One of my coworkers who, to be honest, I find to be rather annoying, recently began growing what can only be referred to as a Hitler mustache. I am afraid he doesn't realize it as such, and that no one else at work will be willing to tell him. I don't know for sure how many friends he has outside of work.

I'd like to subtly indicate that maybe he should reconsider his choice of facial hair. Is that okay?


Thatz not okay.

There's no real subtle way to indicate to a person that they should change their look because they're starting to resemble Hitler in a big way.

"Wow, lotta Fuhrer over your new look!"

"Did you Uber alles the way to the barber shop, or only part of the way?"

It's not clear why you assume there is no one in your coworker's life (other than you, a work associate who finds him "rather annoying") who is in a position to tell him that he's got a little Hitler on his face. You say you don't know "for sure" how many friends he has outside work. How much surveillance have you invested into a count? What's your rough estimate? Four to 16? Do you suspect the number might be 0 because he never, ever brings his friends to work with him—even on Fridays?

Just because someone is annoying at work doesn't mean they drift through life alone and lonely. You're probably annoying at work. I'm annoying at work. Everyone is annoying at work, with the exception of Hamilton Nolan, who is a doll. This man might be the party monster of his friend group. The pal who's always available to help someone move. The guy who puts together an excel spreadsheet to price out a ski trip with his college buddies because it's important to him to make time for old friends and just because they're growing up doesn't mean they have to grow apart. Maybe he's the Hitler of the group! He's certainly looking like the Hitler lately.

The question here is: Is having a Hitler mustache on your face like having marinara sauce on your face? Can it happen accidentally? Would you appreciate a stranger alerting you to its presence so that you're not walking around the Sears Bed & Bath department looking like a genocidal maniac or slob?

Facial hair is unpredictable. It sounds like this guy is new to mustaches; perhaps he wasn't sure how his own would grow in. Maybe he so badly wants to have an eyebrow of the lip that he's lying to himself: "No one could mistake that for a Hitler mustache, right? It extends far enough on either side...right?"

Is he the kind of annoying that replies-all to company-wide emails with jokes that fall flat, or the kind of annoying that constantly strives to emulate Hitler?

If you have a friendly enough rapport with this guy that you can laugh "You know what, man? It's starting to look a little Hitler"—go for it. If you're close enough that you can suggest he might look good with a beard without making all participants in the conversation uncomfortable, you might as well. But if you've never had much interaction with him, opening with "Your mustache makes you look like Hitler," will not go a long way toward creating office harmony.

That being said, it is in no one's best interests for people to walk around looking like Hitler all the time. If you think the mustache is starting to affect business (no one wants to buy an ice cream cone from Hitler), or if you feel like it's contributing to a hostile (if very, very organized) work environment, you might raise the issue with someone from HR. Give him a chance to explain he's going for more of a Charlie Chaplin thing.

Or a Michael Jordan thing.


I have been peeing in my own bathroom sink for a couple years now (I'm a guy) as it's more convenient, I save a ton of water, urine is sterile, and everything goes to the same pipes. I recently have started wondering if I should start doing that in friends' homes as well to conserve water at a greater scale. I would of course clean up any drops with some hot water and antibacterial soap. Is that okay?

Thatz not okay.

"Urine is sterile," should never be used as an excuse for anything. At best it's a mitigating factor in an apology.

What exactly is made more convenient by peeing into a sink as opposed to a toilet? Toilets are specifically designed to make voiding more convenient. Urinating into a sink is perhaps a more convenient way to get urine into a sink (if your previous tactic was, say, scooping it out of the toilet with cupped hands), but, even then, one must question just how convenient a practice that injects hot, soapy scrubbing into an activity where previously none was needed really is.

If your goal is to eliminate the precision challenge inherent in aiming a stream of urine into a small receptacle, the most convenient thing of all would simply be to pee your pants. (The air will naturally dry it with no help from you. Before you were wearing jeans—now you're wearing sterile jeans.)

As an adult, you are welcome to pee in any sink, shower, or Danish modern chest of drawers you encounter—as long as you are encountering those items in your home. However, we as humans have built up a social contract that says when we visit another person's home, we will not pee on or in most of the items we find there. There is only one place in another person's residence where it is acceptable to dump your urine without any special permission from the homeowner, and that is inside the toilet, where splashback will be confined to the porcelain bowl, and not whiz out to kiss the surface of toothbrushes, soap dispensers, and exfoliating face washes. Most people do not regard the practice of urinating into a toilet as a tiresome chore. It requires slightly more effort than breathing.

If you are determined not to pee in a toilet, any time you visit a friend's house, explain to him or her that you are a proud patron of environmental causes and would therefore, naturally, prefer to pee inside his or her bathroom sink. Perhaps they will be so honored and excited that a conservationist hero like you is gracing their wretched home with his presence they will tell you to pee in whatever sink you like. (How convenient!)

If they say, "I would rather you did not pee in my sink," don't pee in the sink. If you are too embarrassed to broach the topic with your friends: Don't pee in the sink. Accept that the fact you are too ashamed to ask proves this idea is not A-OK. Find another way to save water, like turning off the shower while you lather up, or simply taking baths in your sterile pee.

Thatz Not Okay is a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay." Image by Jim Cooke.