A 45-year-old British man pleaded guilty to indecent exposure and abusive behavior after he was caught drunkenly making sexual advances toward "a postbox in the middle of a shopping arcade."
A witness said Paul Bennett, 45, approached the innocent mailbox in Wigan, Greater Manchester, with his trousers down and his arms in the air, then began rubbing himself on it and shouting "wow."
"After completing the act," the Manchester Evening News disturbingly reports, "he pulled up his trousers and started swinging on a lamppost" before pausing to check out his reflection in the window of a shop.
The paper doesn't clarify what it means by "completing the act," so the mystery of whether a man came on a mailbox will just have to remain unsolved. It's probably for the best.
By the time police arrived, Bennett's trousers were down again, and he "clenched his teeth as he shouted and swore at officers."
Bennett was sentenced to 12 months community service, plus alcohol treatment, and must register as a sex offender. He will also pay $75 in compensation to the victim—the woman who witnessed his episode of drunken mail frottage, not the postbox itself.
"The lady watched for some time and was ashamed, disgusted and upset and my client accepts that," said Bennett's defense attorney.
"Clearly, there are issues that need to be addressed."