<![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Pope John Peeps II:

"And then you need to do lots of isometric "tensing" excercises to get your muscles used to long periods of clenching"

aka Kegel Exercises

LAGirl

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> The people who look sexiest at the gym are those exiting the steamroom immediately following a mid-afternoon gangbang...

andBye

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Some citizen media person please do a William Safire on Ms. Shelasky. The only reality-based soccer mom link I can think of is: Mother I'd Like to (shut the) Fuck (up).

TurdsAndWhey

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I did not realize people under 50 wore makeup to the gym. I don't even really have anything witty to say b/c this is utterly mind boggling.

ae38

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @oovy: Oh me too. I also hate it when I accidentally make a million dollars just walking down the street.

At least she's covering her chin in the latest pic.

LeanOnSheena

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @CodePink: They can discuss blowjobs; I seem to remember she's a fan.

katastic

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> God, I hate it when I accidentally lose weight from exercising too much. I wonder what I can do about that.

Diglett

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Lissy,
The best way to look hot after a tough workout is to be marginally attractive to begin with. Despite constant gawker comments disparaging your looks, I think you probably pass as such, so you're probably fine. Especially given that when you are working out you are not blogging/speaking. But then again I'm a straight chick, so what do I know?

As for the makeup thing, my tip would be to NOT wear makeup when you are fairly certain it will end up running down your face after one situp.

xoxo,
HeyThatsMyBike

HeyThatsMyBike

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @DonPardoCalrissian: Don't call your lifeguard 'Spraychel.'

earlytimezone

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @DonPardoCalrissian: First, breathe when your head is out of the water. Don't breathe when it's in the water.

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> MisterHippity: Bobby has gold star written all over him.

narnio

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> How does a professional blogger afford weekends in the Hamptons? Something tells me that her gym mat isn't the only thing she's spinning on.

Ha Ha Sound

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Anyone have any tips on how to swim good at swim class? I keep drownding.

DonPardoCalrissian

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I think this thread alone may resurrect the "Commenter Executions" feature.

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Between Alyssa and the waxing post earlier, I think I've had my fill of blocked cunts today.

Mediahohoho

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @the_mayoress: Calisthenics? We call it running from the fagbashers.

josh speed

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @babystrange72: She says what we all wish we had the power to say.

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @BobbyJoeBob: Oh, who NEEDS a locker room?

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Mayhap BobbyJoeBob and Bronte should get together and go bowling?

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> GOSHDARNIT! THIS HAS BEEN BUBBLING FOR SO LONG NOW. PLEASE PARDON MY FRENCH, BUT

FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL. FUCK THIS GIRL.

IF THAT GETS ME KICKED OFF GAWKER, SO BE IT. HEY LIS, DO US ALL A FAVOR AND TAKE YR PROBLEMS TO THE WHO GIVES A SHIT CHANNEL.

i feel so much better now.

Darth Funk

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> K@KarenUhOh: do you use the male or female locker room

BobbyJoeBob

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @KarenUhOh: I was kindof thinking the same, but then it hit me, there's no way this bitch has never had sex. Either that or she's dated guys who come very much too soon, like after two strokes.

the rat

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> This is exactly why the terrorists hate us. Drop the Hitchens, bring your burka or hijab to the locker room and then you won't worry so much about what vigorious activity does to your appearance.

Debussy Fields

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> OMG you guys. I think Bob is actually Brad from Bay Ridge.

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Does anyone have any secrets to looking sexy at the gym?

Try these, Alyssa!

1) Chin implant.

2) Brain implant.

3) Molotov cocktail. It's the new Cosmopolitan!

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @BobbyJoeBob: Mmmm. . .

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @KarenUhOh: You got a penis, Karen. That's hot!

BobbyJoeBob

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @BobbyJoeBob: @KarenUhOh: You just got Karened.

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Please stop!

Gawker, you've already made Julia Allison unjustly semi-famous. Please, no matter how toned this typo-tard's core might get, let's not build another monster here.

But if you could give her number to bobbyjoebob that'd be great.

MisterLincoln

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @BobbyJoeBob: Hey, guy. There's another commenter here I want to hook you up with. In fact, we can all get together.

How'd you like to workout on My Cock?

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Clarence Rosario: Right. In the Venn diagram of life, I'm not sure there's much, if any overlap here.

And I missed the notice about the whole core craze. What's that supposed to help you with, your Valsava maneuver?

BinkysDream

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> mascara won't be the only thing running down her face in the workout I got planned for her

BobbyJoeBob

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Gawker Admissions: @BobbyJoeBob: Asleep at the wheel with this one, I take it?

Miss_Millie

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @narnio: Yeah, bob is cool, huh?

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Emily, I think the term is "blogtard."

miss_msry

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @BobbyJoeBob: keep 'em coming bob.

narnio

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Archetype: Not so; it's a proprietary-branded (more costlier) Pilates-esque thing. But it did teach me to lift my legs straight up in the air while sitting on the floor. Don't knock it, etc . . .

sheistolerable

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I bet she likes it rough

BobbyJoeBob

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Everytime she talks about spin class, I picture her with a bunch of 1st graders just spinning around in circles with their arms flailing 'til they fall down and laugh. Then naptime.

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I trimmed my pubs so they don't tickle up inside her nostrils.

BobbyJoeBob

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Pope John Peeps II: As much as I, too, would love to hear Collegecallgirl weigh in, I think the mere mention of Alyssa's name demeans her profession.

GorgeousGeorge

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Core Fusion?
Is that, like, Soul Constipation?

MyCubeHas3Sides

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @MisterHippity: Ha ha! Very nice. Maybe college callgirl can weigh in on this with something funny. She's hilarious.

Also, I figure she won't have this problem anymore, as Julia Allison's six-figure job will put her in a state of permanent whipcord tension. Hugs like a steel cord. Twanging, dangerously tense orgasms. Clenched, scissor-like thighs. This will be one dangerous lady.

Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Everything is wrong with this poor woman. Everything. First, MILF? Was she suggesting she wanted to fuck these soccer moms? Second, mascara? At the gym? What? Third...third, and core, and...and....ack...ack.

...Too much bimbo, head hurts, must lie down now.

bacon-yum

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> If one looks bad after sweating it out at the gym, face it: you are fugly in your natural state. Sorry, toots.

Also, duh, waterproof mascara?

LittleV

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Archetype: Pilates?
Sorry, that's Calisthenics.

the_mayoress

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> "soccer mom" != MILF.

Clarence Rosario

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @CodePink: Definitely. That's why I dig cokewhores so much.

Clevertrousers

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> "MILF" has got to be one of the more annoying phrases American Pie brought into the pop culture lexicon. Why, oh why, couldn't it have been "shit break" that, umm, broke out?

HokeCabit

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> @Pope John Peeps II:
"... And then you need to do lots of isometric "tensing" excercises to get your muscles used to long periods of clenching ..."

This is where the freelancing comes in.

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> "You're fit but by gosh don't you just know it!" --The Streets

Rossini

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> "No matter how many spinning classes I take, I'm still in screaming pain during some of those climbs."

This still does not even come close to the horrific level of pain we feel upon realizing that someone actually employs you, Alyssa.

Also, I understand there's no quicker way to a man's penis than humiliating him in front of a bunch of women at the gym.

Little Mintz Sunshine

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I would love to go to one of her workouts and just shine a laser pointer around and watch her try to catch it for a few hours.

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> "I was surrounded by a bunch of soccer moms (aka MILFS) and they made me a little uncomfortable."

Brave girl, boldly entering the pack of soccer moms. Just don't look them in the eyes or they may attack.

nonethewiser

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Listen, I really feel for Alyssa. It's hard to look cute when mascara's dripping down your face. I'm actually dealing with that problem now: I read this article and started crying at my desk (WHY, OH WHY, MUST GAWKER MAKE ACCESS TO ALYSSA DRIVEL SO EASILY ACCESSIBLE?!), and now I don't look cute AT ALL.

jack-of-all-trades

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I want to take an em-power tool to my skull after [like] reading that slop.

As for her sweating problem [poor dear!], I suggest full-body Botox treatments. . . daily.

NYCF

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> As someone who does Thai kickboxing, this lady does not know shit about painful excercise. Also, Pilates and spinning will not really help you rock climb. You need a) strong forearms and fingers and b) strong toes and ankles. And then you need to do lots of isometric "tensing" excercises to get your muscles used to long periods of clenching without getting that shitty lactic acid burn.

Teh moar u know.

Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> She looks like she could use a good coring, actually.

RollsRoycehead-on

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> If her hair doesn't frizz, her mascara doesn't run, and she is not absolutely drenched during actual sex, then I think her core is totally fused.

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Do people no long have to be able to write in order to find jobs as writers?

AndYourLittleDogToo

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> I, like, TOTally need to, like, look hot at the gym, like, because there are SO MANY straight men there.

katastic

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> okay, i understand this space is meant to mock alyssa, but i must ask: is it just me or do sweaty, make up smeared, frizzy haired girls look pretty hot? i mean, girls besides alyssa. the gym often generates that, you know, that just f***ed sort of look. i think it's sexy. thoughts?

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Howabout focusing on looking cute when you're not working out, Alyssa? We must learn to crawl before we learn to walk.

Miss_Millie

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Somebody put a dick in that girl's hands to stop her from typing.

RufusV2

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Core Fusion?
Sorry, that's Pilates.

Archetype

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> The pain of her spinning class would pale if she ever tried to wake me up at 7 a.m. on a weekend for an effing "Beach Boot Camp." Who does that?!

rubyred

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> >Yes, I'm that girl who makes her weekend guests wake up at 7am for "Beach Boot Camp," or something obsessive like that.<

Great. As if guys need one more reason not to want to sleep with you.

HokeCabit

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Does her pimp know she's been freelancing?

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> OMG I totally have this exact same problem when I'm doing water aerobics. I'm always like, "What?" and the people are like "Huh?" and I get totally embarrassed. I wonder what makeup tastes like...

bitchyenglishmajor

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> Wait--who wants to sleep with soccer moms?

janna

]]> <![CDATA[Alyssa Shelasky's Body Is As Fit As Her Mind]]> After careful scrutiny, I'm pretty sure the "core" doesn't really exist. It's just some made-up bodypart people use to make money off the gullible. You know, like the g-spot, or the spleen, or the soul.

GorgeousGeorge

]]>