<![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Trackback

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dr. Javier Peron
Oficina de Grande Intestino
310 Avenida de la Revolucion
Buenos Aires, Argenina

Dear Mr. Butler:

My English very bad so have pity to me. I operate on your mujer, Elizabeth Dewberry, for problemas inestinales last month. Her blockage muy grande and took much effort to relief. The bill come to $3,021 but she left without pay. With much difficulty I call la oficina de Ted Turner to compain but his puta secretary say "fuck off" and no return calls. Es no fair, someone must pay, so I send bill to you as reasonable man.

Con muchas gracias,
Javier Peron

p.s. My colleague say your book, Bad Smell from Cold Mountain, is very good. I not read first one, Cold Mountain, but I see movie and Nicole Kidman very good.

hallo_wrld

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Brilliant ROB, but waaaay too long. You can't expect a busy grad student with dissertation, beer, and hot undergrads on his mind wade all the way through dense copy.

Might I recommend you forward Mike Monteiro's concise PowerPoint slide-deck "Elizabeth is Leave Me for Ted Turner":
[www.flickr.com]

I think these two slides well summarize your perfectly indulgent, but overlong, missive:
[www.flickr.com]
[www.flickr.com]

jwishnie

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I so did spill my coffee.

humunuku

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Holy shit. I'd fuck Ted Turner if it meant I could get out of Tallahassee too. (Have you been to that place? Wretched.) One week a month with Teddy is pretty much nirvana after spending any amount of time in that town, especially if your husband has his head up his own ass as far as Butler seems to. Seriously, dude? You work at Florida State. You lose at life no matter how many Pulitzers you've won.

xxohcinderella

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dear Mr. Butler:

I was somewhat confused by your letter. I have several grandchildren, but I am quite sure that Elizabeth is not among them. Or are you her father (or grandfather)? Please clarify.

Thanks,
Ted


hallo_wrld

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dear Mr. Butler:

I've never seen this woman before in my life. I feel sorry for the poor bastard that ran off with her, too. The intestinal blockage would have ruined it for me.

Best,
Ted Turner

p.s. I have a large number of griflriends, my friend. LARGE.


hallo_wrld

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> The Pulizer Prize versus Ted Turner's America's Cup win is pretty much a draw. Plus, Turner doesn't look like the cartoon boss in Dilbert.

LisaHunter

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> What's bizarre is that in person he's really self-effacing.

NOLAchica

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Newacademy:
Maybe he has four girlfriends so that he can always have their weeks with Aunt Fl...

Nevermind.

YourWildHorses

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Butler was on NPR's Day to Day this afternoon. He called this website a "cirle jerk of self-righteousness."

But isn't sending an email like this to your graduate students a circle jerk of self-righteousness"?

steedi

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @KillMeNow: She's 45 now; she was 32 when they got married.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Sounds like she turned him in for an older, richer model.

Seeräuber Jenny

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Good for you...you know that Liz is his third....opps, no actually his 4th wife. His score: Two wives left him. One went crazy and he left her, and One was lucky enough to "lose Bob to the Pulitzer award and to Elizabeth". @VenusCloacina:

powdereddonuts

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dewberry Vaughn Butler and now IsitmyTurner? Saw her read from her first book - she wore lacy socks and Mary Jane shoes! She does so embrace her "molestation" to sell books. Now, as to Butler --- read THEY WHISPER - gives you even more insights into this self-absorbed and self acclaimed "greatist gift to woman kind" pervert.

And yet, Good Sent From a Strange Mountain - the award winning book of short stories is actually quite good.

powdereddonuts

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> So the poor budding literary flower that wilted in the shadow of her Pulitzer-prizewinning husband will absolutely thrive as one of "a small number" of girlfriends of a media magnate who happens to be household name.

AND this fact became clear to her after she contracted a life-threatening illness while on vacation with said magnate.

There are just too many angles to contemplate. I'd try to contemplate them all, but I gotta go figure out where my next intestinal blockage is coming from.


SeriesOfTubes

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Butler is such a skank. Read his Vietnam stuff: It's full of him fetishizing Asian women.

Also: If Elizabeth is 32, and they got married in 1995, how was she in a bad 10-year relationship before that? Unless she's from southern Utah.

KillMeNow

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Fellow-Ette I was hoping for Eggers and Vendela Vida. Her new book takes place in Lapland? Forget it, Now You Can Go.

muze

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Hm. Maybe/probably someone already made the same remark and I missed it but:

Every kind-ish thing he says appears to *actually* be a thinly veiled insult. How tricky.

And: Why does it seem that only the douchiest U of I alumni get all of the recognition (to whatever degree)?

mysweetmango

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Let's fix some sentences here:

"Rumors will soon be swirling around the department, so I want to tell the full and nuanced story to the five of you among the graduate students and ask that you clarify the issues for any of your fellow grad students who ask."
It should be "any ... who ASKS," not ask. "Any" modifies a singular word. Also, the sentence is just too long and will scare readers. The author should break it up.

"This sort of thing can get wildly distorted pretty quickly."
This sentences shows the perils of writing in the passive voice. Who will do the distorting? Does he have anyone in mind? He should say "[NAMES OF POTENTIAL DISTORTERS] could wildly distort this sort of thing pretty quickly." But: it's poor, and lazy, writing to use two separate adverbs, and split them up, to modify the same verb. "quickly and wildly distorted" might work, but I would think about it for a while.

"You can feel free to use any part or all of this email to do so."
Here, "to do so" is too vague. What are we doing, and how are we doing it? The problem is that he uses "to do so" to refer to two possible actions: "wildly distort[ing]" "this sort of thing" and "clarif[ying] the issues."

Maybe she broke up with him because Ted Turner is at least good at his job?




Paddington

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I totally agree with Irishbreakfast that anyone forced to live in Tallahassee for career, family or otherwise would do anything to get out. I lived there for 25 years and I kissed the ground the day I left for Denver, and to this day I have never looked back. If you're not a Seminole Fan, or a State bureaucrat, or from some third-generation rich Southern family with a Tallahassee "name" then you're just plain nobody. Good for Elizabeth Dewberry in following the money and getting out of that Godforsaken place they call a city.

Hikechick

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> how very. very. strange. that is all.

nyobserver

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dear Bob Butler,

I can see past the shadow of the Pulitzer. Unlike Elizabeth, I'll take it out of the bed--you don't have to sleep with it in between us. Call me. I'll ease your pain over this "intense story."

Morningstar

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> One week out of 4? This email is humiliating but these 2 want to be celebrity famous like Kate & Pete. She'll write a memior of her time as Ted's 1 week a month girlfriend while the old cout gets to keep the house and pets. The comments say it all.

Kwanitaka

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> One night during the fall of my freshman year, Ted Turner gave a wandering, aggressive, vaguely intoxicated lecture about the environment to a group of ecologists, educators and students assembled for some sort of bullshit symposium on the environment (it was still the 90s).

His show "Chimp Channel" (or whatever it was called) was very much on the air still -- you know, the one with the dubbed voice monkeys in dresses?

During the Q & A, some humorless co-ed rose in the audience to impugn his animal rights position, to whom he angrily replied that he "saved those monkeys' lives" and that "they'd be bush meat if it wasn't for me".

The next week, my worthless core writing instructor had us write an in-class essay arguing whether or not Ted Turner was a modern-day Odysseus (We were reading the Odyssey at the time)

While certainly, in the Fagles translation, Odysseus does sound like a totally over the top prick, he doesn't come anywhere close to the maniacal pheromone soaked Buffalo burger stuffed butthole that is Ted.

So maybe that's what she was looking for Professor Butler. A friggin' MAN, you ponce!

HowDareThey

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Tallahussy: And Venus, what's with the "...even at FSU"?

Are students at Ivies and annoying liberal arts colleges less likely to throw their poon(s) Pulitzer way?

They usually have a choice among several Pulitzer winners and maybe a Nobelist or two. I know we did at my annoying Ivy.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @GinaRomantica: That is hilarious!

wordsmyth

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @irishbreakfast: Ha! Spot-on observation. I once wrote a poem called "Toothless in Tallahassee" - I must run off now and rework it to include a reference to poolitzer assler! Toodles, and thanks for the inspiration *grin*

wordsmyth

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> In the final analysis, it was a hell of a final analysis. Talk about a write-off...

Dusty in the Wind

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Get.Thefuck.Out.Of.Town.
This cannot possibly be real. It fits the template of the "you forced me to smack you, bitch" genre too precisely.

In any case, IBentMyWookie's Cliff Notes sum it up perfectly. And come to think of it, I'm not at all convinced that there was a grandfather, either, much less any abuse.


clickable

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Sargasm:

Sad but true. All that beef, not enough fiber.

Smitros

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I live here in the shadow of the cock and balls of Florida (image search the state capitol building) and must say that this is some juicy business. A couple of points...

@IRISHBREAKFAST: "They live in TALLAHASSEE. Have you been to Tallahasse? Hell, I'd fuck Ted rather than live there..."

Ted lives just outside of Tallahassee on something he named Avalon Plantation that's near a tiny town called Monticello (pop. 2500), where Bob and Liz (and interestingly, George Clinton) also live. So my guess is that she'll go on fucking Ted right here, twelve weeks out of the year.

And Venus, what's with the "...even at FSU"?

Are students at Ivies and annoying liberal arts colleges less likely to throw their poon(s) Pulitzer way?

I get the sense that "poon" should be plural, like "deer".



Tallahussy

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Anyone else pick up on the faintest whiff of braggadoccio from Butler that hey: MY wife is leaving me for Ted Turner! She is just that good. Which means, by the law of transitivity, that *I* am good enough to sleep with Ted Turner! Forget the Pulitzer, I'm FAMOUS!

Careful, now. Don't spill your coffees.

Pluto will always be a planet to me.

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @MadameEducatrix: Forgive me...is this still Gawker, the infoweb home of unmitigated, unfiltered, unforgiving sarcasm? Yes, fine, genitals are not necessarily an indicator of one's personhood, etc. etc.

Aw, come on now. Don't go away mad. You threw a punch of sarcasm but you got back a little jab of irony. It took you by surprise. But get back on your feet: you're still in the game.

Anyway, I disagree. My personhood resides in my dewberry.

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @VenusCloacina: @shesaidwhat:

Forgive me...is this still Gawker, the infoweb home of unmitigated, unfiltered, unforgiving sarcasm?

Yes, fine, genitals are not necessarily an indicator of one's personhood, etc. etc.

MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @VenusCloacina: well, his bio here ttp://www.imdb.com/name/nm0124992/ does not mention Mom, but manages to squeeze in our word for the day: PULITZER. sigh.

irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @irishbreakfast: I did not know that Joshua Butler was Robert Olen Butler's son. And, no, his mom was two wives previous to La Dewberry, so I don't think she's likely to do him any favors.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @VenusCloacina: aw, comeon--the guy says "he's enchanted with the internet." Enchanted! Let's send him a link to Gawker and I bet he rethinks his goddamn viewpoint. And his stupid son too. Wait: does this mean that Josh, said son, will also be on Ted's escort list?

irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Now, I don't want any wild rumors to circulate such as my wife left me for a richer, fitter guy (who did not win a Pulitzer)…truth is she's being butt-monkey-ed by Ted Turner and is willingly part of a harem, albeit a respectable harem, as far as harems go…and all of this is not b/c of me, it's b/c she was molested as child (btw she advertises this on billboards so it's OK for me to say) and Ted (who did not win a Pulitzer) reminds her of the molester, but of course it's not molestation b/c she's an adult and wants it (see, the difference is that w/ me she LIKED it and I'm more her father's age than granddaddy Ted) anyhow, we're the best of friends: ask her: ask anyone, in fact please feel free to pass this message about butt monkeys along to anyone who might have thought she simply left me for another man (who did not win a Pulitzer)

minx

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Am I the only one who thought the entire country of Argentina was intestinally blocked? Like a union strike or something?

Sargasm

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "And it is very common for a woman to be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers."

Wait, her dad had a Pulitzer too? Wow. What are the odds.

Little Mintz Sunshine

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @shesaidwhat:
okay, then that settles it: we'll award the dewberry annually to the epistolary work that best manages to showcase the author's passive-aggressive, boundary-less, narcissistic tendencies. in short, anything that makes you say "wow, i'm not as fucked up as i thought...." it doesn't cast quite the shadow that the pulitzer does, but it does give off a nice glow when you're at home with the cats and dogs that you won in the divorce.


tortious

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> The entire crazy letter needs to be set to music.

It would be too easy to nominate Bright Eyes to do the deed.

Maybe this could fuel 17 Ryan Adams records...

Or Sufjan could insert this into his opera debut in the fall.

This is batshit on a stick and I demand that Ted Turner challenge the dude to a duel.

No slap fighting. Just man to man wrestling. Covered in Campari.

marblefaun

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Should read "as though that wasn't why she went for his elderly ass in the first place."

Seeing as Butler's 63 years old himself and all.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @McBrick: I think the passive aggression part was more in the "She was abused by her grandfather and maybe that's why she's into Turner" as though that wasn't why she went for his elderly ass.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @venuscloacina, yes he passive aggressively toots his own horn regarding his pulitzer, so yes he is a passive aggressive narcissist, to qualify he does an admirable job of maintaining his dignity after being cuckolded by a 69 year old billionaire with a harem.

McBrick

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> He was nicknamed "Asshole" when he did a visiting stint at my MFA program.

paco

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> A Crazy Scent from an Irrelevant Mountain

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @McBrick: By "maintains his dignity" here you mean "exposes his deep narcissism and passive aggression," right?

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Bob Butler's letter is the most interesting, amusing thing I've read all day. He buries both his wife and Ted Turner with a smile and maintains his dignity even after being cuckolded. Thanks Bob.

McBrick

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> The thing is, guys, she did live in the shadow of the Pulitzer.

No, for real, he made her sleep in a box in his office and it was in front of his desk lamp.

Guy's a freak, seriously.

ps I hear Salman can't get it up unless you wear a turban and yell "jihad! jihad!" and try to assassinate him.


Never date a writer.

stew

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @MadameEducatrix: that is a curious suggestion about where someone's personhood resides.
@tortious: Yes, the time has come when we should give an annual award to this great American genre. I'm inclined to honor the Dunbars (after the sedaris story) but Dewberry has such a great ring to it: it is festive, sexual, and also reminds me of "dingleberry".

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> two members of my athletics team in college sent out a similarly insane public announcement regarding their breakup. it was met with derision and/or crickets chirping (derisive crickets?). i didn't realize people did that kind of thing in real life too.

ohkay

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @genevieve: You look at Butler's webpage and you be the judge.

If they had a PULITZER PULITZER PULITZER for narcissism and exhibitionism, this guy would be a shoo-in.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I'm circulating this after I search and replace the following terms:

"Pulitzer" = "fatwa"
"Elizabeth" = "Padma"
"Turner" = "Forstmann"
"intestinal blockage" = "bulimia"
"But the loss has been happening through many years of our shared struggle to make her whole" = "I get crazy laid anyway"
"her writing" = "her mewling on that stupid cook show"
"And it is very common for a woman to be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers" = "mooovin' on up, to the East Side, to a deeluxe apartment in the sky-iiighgh"

stew

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> i can't believe i'm the first to say this, but i call bullshit - not in the sense that this dude's idea's are bullshit, which they obviously are, but in the sense that this is way too good to be real. couldn't one of his grad students who received the original email have made a few choice embellishments to make this guy sound like the biggest prick in the world?

as others have said, this is totally deserving of a pulitzer, but only, or especially, if it was written by someone other than robert olen butler.

genevieveyorke

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @MadameEducatrix: It wasn't like it was written with the penis he was born with; it was written with the brains and hands she still has, yes?

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> This shizz is already noted in his Wikipedia entry.

MadameDecline

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Frankly, my dear great-great-grandson, I don't give a damn.

Yr. deceased ancestor,

Rhett Butler (who knew how to make a woman happy, and did the leavin' when it was time)

kw

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Further, Elizabeth has never been able to step out of the shadow of the Pulitzer.

LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE.

First of all, the Pulitzer doesn't cast that big a shadow.

Second of all, Butler is 20 years older than Dewberry, so why on Earth would she expect to have won a Pulitzer before him?

Third of all, way to be a fucking whiner. "I may not be a handsome bazillionaire, but I'm monogamous AND I HAVE A PULITZER! PULITZER PULITZER PULITZER! Also, my wife's childhood sexual abuse LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT."

This isn't going to get him any graduate poon even at FSU.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> So wait, Ted Turner fucked this guy's wife in the ass? Is that it? I didn't read the whole thing.

pre555soul

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @shesaidwhat:
Does McCloskey still get royalties from a book that she wrote while she was in possession of her former genitalia? Curious, that...

MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @shesaidwhat:
i agree! what should we call the award? i'm thinking "the dewberry"...


tortious

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Eeew! I am so nauseous right now I may hide under my desk for the rest of the day.

grouchydogowner

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Sally Tomato: hah

el smrtmnky

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I'll bet that intestinal blockage was induced by a conversation with McInerny.

depardoo

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Pope John Peeps II:

But didn't he tell his students that he was giving them the information so that they could share it with others and he could avoid having to repeat the story? Seems like he was inviting wide distribution.

depardoo

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I still wish it had been Ayelet and Chabon.

fellow-ette

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @tortious: Precisely. Holidays on Ice: Never go home without it.

The best holiday letter I've ever heard of is the one written by the wife of the economist (formerly known as) Donald McCloskey that 1. announced their divorce and 2. let people know that Donald was now Deirdre. [www.deirdremccloskey.com]

This genre is one of America's greatest contributions to literature.

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Also, cannot tell you how excited we should all be to anticipate not one but two novels about two academics and their failing marriage with an appearance by a charismatic media mogul.

Woo. Fucking. Hoo.

Anyone wonder why no one reads "serious" novels anymore? What annoying, self-absorbed fucksticks literary fiction writers have become. What whores to their own narrow, campus-proscribed, dreary assed lives. Not one novel from this banal example of infidelities compounding what are doubtless other infidelities, but two.

Woo. Motherfucking. Hoo.

Mediahohoho

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "the full and nuanced story" wasn't coauthored by Elizabeth or shared w/ her B4 'Bob' emailed - otherwise, "this sort of thing can get wildly distorted pretty quickly" you know, by your own husband.

@CUGAT: her internet pics look hot - not Padma hot, but more than book hot (good enough for Ted's harem hot...)

minx

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @maevemealone: "Philosophy goth girl"? Where? Where?

PikachuMcHeidegger

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Well as George Meredith said, "Pissants spin the plot"...

Itsjustcatnip

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Sev: I never had a professor with a Pulitzer and they were all ugly (except my french teacher freshman year who I had a meeting with about my poor grade and only afterwards I realized my blouse was unbuttoned to below viewing level, total accident). But sometimes these emails cross department lines and some philosophy goth girl may see her new soul mate and pay a visit... Or, Julia Roberts will co-op this into her next come back movie about a small lonely womens liberal arts college in Vermont...

maevemealone

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "Many Things Have Happened Since He Died, Here Are The Highlights" is rilly rilly a nice novel no matter what Corey Haim says.

And I think "intestinal blockage" is Pulitzer-winner-speak for "doin' it up the butt."

stew

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @HookerfaceAnon: That's what I was thinking! This is probably the best/worst example of "Crap Email from a Dude" ever.

Nicolarz

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Man, the horny grandpas are passing her around like a joint! Mr. Butt-ler ain't no spring chicken, either. From a geezer who talks about his Putzlitzer to a geezer who has more money than God -- tough choice....

MadameDecline

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Sally Tomato: No. No clothing is described, nor is the cat's hair color,texture and length discussed.

irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "Clean up the stall Festus, there's another aging mare being added to the boss mans collection."

gonzosmom

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> The only thing that could have made this missive more self-serving is if Mr. Butler had mentioned that while he is a tender and capable lover, Ms. Dewberry found his manhood to be too long and overly girthy, leading to difficulties in their lovemaking.

AtOurGates

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Are we 100% certain that The Earl Grey didn't ghostwrite this?

Sally Tomato

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Pope John Peeps II:

The part about ice really brings it home.

@Truculent:

One hopes for his partners' sake that it is not the shape of Wyoming as well.

Smitros

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @maevemealone: Am I the only female grad student who wouldn't sleep with any one of my professors? Not that I'm opposed to that, its just that all my professors are short, balding men who would need a syringe of horse viagra to get it up for anyone other than Shakespeare or Gore Vidal.

Sev

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dear Colleagues -

Bob couldn't give me an orgasm for 12 years.

When I first flew in Ted's G-5, the sheer intensity of take-off made me climax.

Pulitzer-envy my ass.

- Liz

ellagood

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Pope John Peeps II: Just tell them it was your porn addiction and revel in the awkward moment that follows.

Mediahohoho

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Do you think that Ted requires that the week they spend togther is sans Aunt Flow? Is that part of the deal?

Newacademy

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> She's leaving me for the squeaky-voiced WhackFuck-in-Chief who reminds her of her horny grandpa and tried to kill her with a bowel obstruction. He also has a dick the size of Wyoming which explains why so many women are willing to be in the same room with him, much less marry him.

Sounds about right to me

Truculent

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> omg, did any of you read "the wife" by meg wolitzer? where the prize-winning author husband is in danger of being exposed as a fraud, because his wife was the one who really wrote all his books, subjugating her own literary career in the process? DID YOU? cause this could be just like that. except for ted turner and the intestinal blockage, that is.

Pesquyist

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @ckeav: I loved that.

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @ckeav:

"Is this going to be on the final?"

c_webb

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Shit Bob, just fuck the Pulitzer.

Kim Gordon's Panties

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dear Professor Butler,

Thank you for your email. As you suggested, I have discussed your situation with some of my fellow graduate students. Nobody cares. Also, no one has heard of your wife.

ckeav

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Not for nothin' but she's not that hot. He can totally trade up with his new class.

cugat

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Hah! He won the Pulitzer for "A Good Scent from a Strange Mountain." Class: explicate with reference to Argentia, Ted and intestinal blockage. Open your bluebooks now.

irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Mr. Butler fortunately did not contract Ms. Turner-Harem-Dewybunny's posterior blockage.

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @shesaidwhat:
ha, exactly! the first thing i thought of when i read this email was the christmas letter in holidays on ice (by david sedaris)-- hilarious, batshit insane vindictive overshare. but that was, um, fiction...


tortious

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @irishbreakfast:
Perhaps the stylist can braid it, thus allowing Ted to climb up to her fortress of Butler-free solitude for one week per month.


MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @depardoo:

Although I have laughed hard at the comments here, I had the same thought. There is a certain arrogance to this as well - believing that your students want to be privvy to the demise of your marriage.

karion

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @depardoo: True. But you have to admit, he did only distribute it to his grad students. And even then with her permission. They then went stark bullshit raving loony and sent it out to every fucking person on the planet.


Quite frankly, I'd love it if I didn't have to go through the whole "why did you guys break up" bullshit every fucking time I meet someone in the street, so that I wouldn't have to spend the rest of my day conjuring up things I did wrong, and inventing mistakes I didn't really make.


Oh, and then drinking gin. With ice.



Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Whoa.

If nothing else, I suddenly feel better about my own life and mental state.

Shouldn't Jezebel use this email in their "Crap Email from a Dude" section?

HookerfaceAnon

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> For those wondering if this could possibly be any weirder:

I originally misread this as "Bob BARKER." And that would actually be weirder.

But that's pretty much the only way.

picardia

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @depardoo: Exactly. I feel like I was eavesdropping on a nasty conversation that I didn't want to hear about anyway. This belongs with July's "Over-sharing" month.

josh speed

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @depardoo:

Well, this is the man who actually videotaped himself writing a short story over many weeks, which he then posted on the web, episode by dreary episode. So no, I'd guess there aren't many things in his life he wouldn't share.

heartbreakturnip

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> so the fact that she was molested (sad!) and had some sort of intestinal blockage (gross) somehow makes her being for sale okay. love the logic there. also: since when does being the wife of a billionaire translate into being able to suddenly get literary respect? no offense to butler, but ted turner casts a much bigger shadow than his.

cubewithaview

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @MadameEducatrix: I can see why she had intestinal blockage in Argentina. The pampas gets pretty windy, and she obvs. ate her hair. Hopefully Ted can provide her with a stylist.

irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I have to admit I kind of love this. The next time I end a relationship I'm going to send an email explaining all the weird reasons it didn't work out. "As many of you may have guessed, Johnny is a narcissist with mom issues and had difficulty with emotional intimacy. He knows about, endorses and even encourages that I tell this much detail of the story. Also, his exes kept calling. But we will remain the best of friends and conduct ourselves as if this is public knowledge."

BK_KT

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Incredibly self-serving. Unbelievably personal shit to be distributed to virtually anyone. Does he have a part of his life that he considers private? Apparently not.

depardoo

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> CAPTAINNNN PLANNNNET!

Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Oh my God, what is Butler the author of? "The Underminer"? "Misery"?

Average day in the Dewberry-Butler household:

Robert: Good morning, sweetness pookiekins. You look well. I hope you didn't dream about your childhood abuse again. I'm so glad I saved your life by being your de facto therapist.....no, sweetness, don't mention it. Here, have some coffee.
Elizabeth: (mumbles)
Robert: No, sorry, we just have coffee. I ate the plums that were in the icebox. Please forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet and so cold. But I know you never want to eat in the morning anyway, because that's when you worry most about your Oedipal complex. I'm so glad I could help you through that during your depression...no, don't mention it. That's what a husband is for.
Elizabeth: (stares)I don't want a husband.
Robert: Of course you don't, darling. You want a grandfather, like your grandfather who abused you. But you must stop talking about it! It's just not healthy to worry about it this way!
Elizabeth: (picks up cat)
Robert: Let go of that! That's mine! You said!







cassandra

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Phineas Poe:
The source shares culpability:

B. Fictional. Novel.

MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> 15 female grad students just wiped enough tears from their eyes to make it down to the open office hours . They will then throw their arms around Prof. Butlers head and bury him in their sobbing bosoms. He will then utter to himself "Score!"

maevemealone

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @ellagood: Cocktail napkins.

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I'm usually not a very religious person but tonight I'm praying as hard as I can that Elizabeth will respond via a Modern Love column.

friend_of_a_friend

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Dewberry was a notorious starfucker before marrying the talented Martian Robert Olen Butler. She is well known in Southern literary circles as the writer most likely to throw a hissy fit or a crying jag at the slightest non-provocation. (She bawled like a baby on a panel about the use of "white trash" as an idea, mistaking the subject of the panel for an actual slur against her, begging people to quit calling her white trash when no one, in fact, was.) She may have faded in the shadow of the Pulitzer, or however Butler puts it, but that didn't stop her from throwing herself around and demanding favors as if she were the Pulitzer winner herself. Her novels have been messy, over-reaching disasters, including (ahem), His Lovely Wife.

She has often treated Butler like shit. Good riddance.

heartbreakturnip

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> P.P.S. I have offered Elizabeth the rights to use this letter as a blurb for the jacket of her next book. (I'm tight with the Pulitzer people, and...wait, I can't remember if I mentioned that earlier.)

manslations

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I love the tags for this story. Brilliant!

BowlingForDollars

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> This was all written on post-it notes, right?

ellagood

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @GinaRomantica: No. That's way to rational a response for someone like Bob. He's more likely to blame himself for years and every morning shake out a bowl of Iam's for breakfast without even realizing he's not tasting Grape Nuts.

earlytimezone

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> This is totally inappropriate. It is proper to share this kind of personal information in an annual Christmas letter.

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Can I option the film rights?

miss_msry

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @MadameEducatrix: "A lovely young lady with long, blonde hair and dressed in a black jumpsuit and heels stands before us, reading from her latest fictional novel."

A. Black. Jumpsuit.

Phineas Poe

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> And they say men can't do passive-aggressive as well as women.

whatever

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @LolCait: Can we get married? Please? In Vermont or wherever it has to happen, but can we just do this thing? Because I think I love you, LolCait. I really do.

Sara Benincasa

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I can't believe how much this douche namechecks the fucking award he didn't even deserve to win. It's just like every self-described "Ivy Leaguer" being a Cornell alum. Also, for the record,

"From all that I can tell, he is kind to her, loyal, considerate, and devoted to his family, and perhaps, therefore, he can redeem some things for her."

has seven commas, two ands, and two unbelievably snide backhanded compliments.

the rzo

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I especially like how he throws those sly Pulitzer references in there...

Phineas Poe

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @LolCait:

Sara Benincasa

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @DirtyWilliamCash: "You can email me at elizabethdewberry@earthlink.net to set up a time, and when you're ready, call me and put me on speakerphone and I'll try to be charming. I've never done this before, but I think it would be fun." Is Gawker going to take up her offer? (And is this how she met Ted?)

unutterable

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> You all are totally missing the point: Pulitzer-winning cock be freed up for some undergrad poontang. Y'all tell your students. Big racks considered first. Get me some nubile. Now!

Mediahohoho

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @irishbreakfast:

...and the whore of Babylon

[[www.southernscribe.com]]

MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> For once in my life, I am glad that I majored in creative writing, where I was forced to read this man's work. I think he wrote some shit about birds, spandrels, a glass house, a cathedral, I-don't-fucking-know--all the white dudes blend together with the two black chicks and the one Hispanic guy and the random gays so that I firmly believe that Raymond Carver was raped by Maya Angelou's stepdaddy while Junot Diaz made out with Michel Foucault in the Panopticon. The point: Robert Olen Butler entertained me more in the three minutes it took to read this e-mail than in the six (I'm an underachiever) years it took me to get my B.A. Amazing.

Sara Benincasa

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I don't know him and I haven't read his work (bad, bad creative writing graduate that I am), but I'm willing to give him a mulligan for writing a weird letter under the weirder and more painful circumstances.

Besides, since there doesn't seem to be a public history of douchebaggery on his part, kicking him while he's down just isn't much fun. Would that it had been someone else for that reason.

Smitros

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> She's obviously counting on the fact that she'll be able to put together some Pulitzer winning material. Well, that, and she must have been sick of Bob's whining.

NYM

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> He buried the lede: "I will keep my dogs and cats."

Ned B

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I guess Gawker must remind me of my childhood abuser.

Flashman

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "For the sake of clarification, let me tel everyone that after I built her up from a quivering mass of Carrie-esque rejection issues, my traumatized basketcase of a wife has left me following a romantic South American bowel disaster to join the harem of potentialy-abusive Ted Turner, leaving me with all of our posessions and my Pulitzer, which she will probably miss the most as it will be the last one she'll ever see in any home of hers. Love 'em to bits, Rob"

Krampus

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> And I thought Hef's brothel was gross. Way to continue the cycle of abuse girl!

Queen of the Passive Aggressives

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "insane insane INSANE" or GENIUS!

powelton

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> And to think it all could have been avoided with roses and Kaopectate.

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @unutterable: "She has signed a contract with Colossal Vulgar Publicorp to write the first three books in their new young-adult fiction series. I believe the first will be entitled Lucy Vuitton and Me. The MS. has to be delivered in two weeks, so I expect she won't have time for the lapidary correspondence that many of her friends may be used to, but I expect the weekends in Tuscany will make up for it."

PikachuMcHeidegger

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Her 2006 novel His Lovely Wife is about a woman who's unhappily married to a brilliant, emotionally remote Nobel Prize-winning scientist. Sounds like a clue to me....

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Here you go folks: the chinless wonder
[www.english.fsu.edu]


irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Clarence Rosario: Well, for women, quick is usually good. I'm highly valued in certain circles.

Scooter34

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> so if you visit [www.amazon.com] you'll find a autobiographical blurb of doucheberry. it's quite astonishing. and one of her recent novels is called "his lovely wife," as in "meet robert-puliter-butler and his lovely wife."

ted turner is a masochist.

DirtyWilliamCash

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> There's bound to be a follow up letter...somebody who is this much of a wuss can't keep it bottled up.

Phineas Poe

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Now see Holly Peterson, THAT'S how you tell a story.

Ed

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "It is very common for a woman to be drawn to men who remind them of their childhood abusers. Ted is such a man...

"And fuck you, Elizabeth, fuck you [wipes tears with sleeve while making sure office door is open for sexually available grad student]..."

GinaRomantica

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> "I have a high regard and affection for the students in our program. I hope this will help them sort out this rather intense story in an appropriate way."

Elizabeth and I love you all very, very much, and want you to know that this is not your fault. Sometimes, mommies and daddies don't love each other anymore. It doesn't mean we love you any less.

MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Whole point of this email: "Crazy bitch left me but don't forget I won a Pulitzer, which I keep on my mantel next to a plaster cast of my balls, which she fed to the cats."

c_webb

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> @Scooter34: Always a bridesmaid with my comments. Dammit, I've got to hit the gym or something.

Clarence Rosario

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I like how he claims they remain the best of friends, yet compares her new boyfriend to her abusing grandfather (and lets us know that he has other girlfriends), reminds her that she's never gotten a Pulitzer, and adds that he's done everything he could for her and she obviously is still nuts. Plus she had an intestinal blockage! Then he sews it up by saying "I ask you not to think ill of her in any way." Seriously, what would he have written if he wanted us to think ill of her?

unutterable

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> This explains so much about why people have turned away from literary fiction. Bob Butler, why don't you just write a memoir and call it a novel? Or was that vice versa? See? People like you and La Dewberry have got me all confused...

Editrixter

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> From Pulitzer to writing a spec script for Big Love? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Clarence Rosario

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> Then, in March, she nearly died from an intestinal blockage in Argentina while on a trip with Ted.

Seriously, dude, you are a fucking pussy, but this is hilarious.

PikachuMcHeidegger

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> I shudder to think what she was like prior to this marriage, if "emotionally healthy" = willing to be part of Big Love, the reality show.

Scooter34

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]> You had me at intestinal blockage.

pbica

]]> <![CDATA[Elizabeth Dewberry Left Robert Olen Butler To Join Ted Turner's Collection]]>