<![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> What's the mystery - where he got his cheap-ass tatoo sleeves? Why so much focus on technique? How about being a real person, without facade or games? Methinks he has no balls for such truthiness. I'm sure I am not the first woman to wonder at the mystery of this cretin ever getting any women to fall for his fallderol. And, yes, Mystery does remind me of Tom Cruise's best performance - in Magnolia - wherein Tom plays himself.

Madame_Ovary

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Aw, Gawker. Why you hurt me like that, momma? Girls have been kissing their pillows in after-school specials for years. Finally, it's an equal-opportunity sport! Six guys kissing peaches is some of the best TV I've seen in a long time. I don't care what anyone says!

thebedazzler

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> THIGHHIGH is right, this twatwaffle could only get west coast women. Any New Yorker "peacocking" his "avatar" would be mercilessly beaten and thrown down a hole.

P.S. Does anyone realize Mystery is Canadian?

newyorkese

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I'm surprised no one has commented on the circa 1990's softcore soundtrack.

COCOCHAPPELLE

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> These little seminars need a clever name like a bad college course would get...Negs for Dregs? Whores for Bores? Trim for the Dim?

zibby

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Wait. Are we talking about a guy named after a horse? Mystery?

Some of My Best Friends Are People

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> It all makes good sense (does that make me a 'douche'?), if only he weren't such a dick.....ahh, maybe that is what the goggles are covering up!?

Hula

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @fatal_bipolar_hotness: your avie lives in my town (Raleigh, NC). really.



surfacenoise76

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> So I sadly haven't been able to watch this show regularly. I think I'd really enjoy making a drinking game out of it. Did I miss the episode where they made all the poor lost guys dye their hair with skunk stripes and/or random spots so they'd look morelike their creepy douchey leader?

YourWildHorses

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Is that dude wearing eyeliner? Is that the latest neg?

YourWildHorses

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Holy shit guys, Mystery gives his selected DIGIMON +500 attack power!!

No wonder he's such a hit with the ladies.

Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Cross-over time! Let's get Mystery on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It'll be like a reverse of this show!

demetria23

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @LolCait: yeah, but lynda perry is going to KICK HIS ASS when she finds out he has them.

slinkimalinki

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> What a truly amazing advanced smooth move. Definitely superior to "stretching" while watching old Star Trek episodes.
Did the contestants consult their notes during action?

LetTheBeagleSoar

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]>
When will he revise himself and become "The Artist Formerly Known As Mystery"?

Hey -- leave Thom Yorke out of this!


TimeWarnerRhymeAnaheim

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I absolutely can not wait to see next week's episode, as it's the "most emotional ever." I'm guessing Mystery's tears are because he has the need to share how he was a virgin until he was in his 20's and D&D was his life until he realized his pussy potential. The tears from him, the guys, and probably the crew filming the episode will be sweet. Granted, the tears from the crew will be from laughing so hard they cry but it's still tears on reality tv so I'll take what I can get.

mandelion

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Re "J.Dog": I'm glad Anderson Cooper found another place to flaunt his "almost certainly gay"ness.

inhershoes

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> One final observation: The staff member on the show who dreamed up having the dweeby peanut gallery STUDIOUSLY (AND EVEN BREATHLESSLY) TAKING NOTES as the Great Mystery delivers his acronym-strewn, faux-straight wisdom should get a bonus and the chance to create his/her own reality show. Because the note-taking touch is pure genius.

TheBigDoggy

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I am curious to know why are all of these gay men trying to pick up women on national TV?? You are still GAY!!

FATAL_BIPOLAR_HOTNESS

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @katastic: As a Reality Professional, I can say that yes, they absolutely must be.

My kingdom to work on that show ...

GingerVitis

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Being mean to women to get them to like you is a tried and true method as old as time. You just have to commit to it and not mind that you're being a total fuck-face. I'm sure there's a fine line, but I'm not sure what it is.

Kittenloss

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Y O Y?

fileunder

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @mallorykeaton: a "douché" death match?

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @SharonTaint: that guy in the yellow t shirt is a dead ringer for Eric Yellin. [gawker.com]

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> So the whole point of this show is to have sex with ladies in toilets? Because wouldn't it be easier to just hire a whore?

dirtypillows

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Next week? Stanchions.
[www.das.psu.edu]


atipofthehat

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> What I wouldn't do for a Gawker Festival to run alongside the New Yorker Festival - kind of like a Slamdance to Sundance. There could be an Authors in Conversation with Mystery and Robert Olen Butler on the topic of "douchery" that would kick the ass of that pansy Mailer-Amis exchange on "monsters" or any other assorted ass-hattery that Remnick and co. drag out.

mallorykeaton

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> You know what, I bet this stuff might actually work. And not because it should, but rather because all cultural knowledge of how to subtly approach women seems to have diappeared after the free for all of the 60s and 70s and so we are desperate for ANYONE who can be something other than obvious and boring. I'm not clear on why that involves dressing like a really really big fan of Anne Rice, but I'm sure there's some logic to it.

bainer

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @earlytimezone:

Honey, didn't you see the schedule? THIS season, they learn to talk to girls; NEXT season, they learn to be hipsters!

c_webb

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @far-far: ****with ThighHigh

mcginstein

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> These threads aren't the same without Harry Greek.

Now who's gonna demand that all you girls admit that you really love guys like this?

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @TedSez: Never mind the face paint, the 12-inch tongue is still working for me. Also my technique of enjoying myself when I'm around women I like and quickly leaving the vicinity of women who prefer mean guys with stubby tongues.

atipofthehat

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Will they have a spin off show where Mystery's chlamydia is told to attack with more confidence ?

vandusen

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Has this guy seen Magnolia? Because I feel like I'm watching the early scenes where Tom Cruise is screaming about worshipping the cock. Only in this case irony is dead and sycophants believe that writing hipster-scribble in their Mead notebooks will get them laid.

earlytimezone

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @genevieve: You totally got negged.

yourfaceis

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @genevieve: Did it work?

sanson

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> He's the guy with the 'neg,' right? Well, pal, the women have developed their own move: it's called the 'slug.'

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @TheBigDoggy: I'm assuming Freakshow has slept with his two ass-clown freak assistants.

xhack

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @far-far: New Jersey, my ass. This idiot is all West Coast.

ThighHigh

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Will the show run an episode on what to do when you get kicked in the junk?

c_webb

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Perhaps this is off-point, but wouldn't Mystery exude a bit more street-cred if he was flanked by two hot-to-trot women (both of whom he had implicity fucked) rather than these two (either gay or asexual) ass-clown freaks?

TheBigDoggy

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I will have nightmares tonight, I just know it.

sanson

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> wouldn't the show's budget be better spent on hookers? i know its vh1, but one of the guys is a 45 year old virgin. he won't be picky.

zequ

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Getting eliminated is starting to sound like a moral victory.

Smitros

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> okay, story time.

i was recently on a trip to china for a class, and one of my classmates, we quickly discovered, was a total ass when drunk. one night out, this kid had already started getting drunk and pretty belligerent when he started yelling at me for no apparent reason in japanese, which language that chubby white boy undoubtedly learned because he though it would help him get hot asian chicks.

i took out my camera to get a video of this, and told him it was so i could go back to my room and figure out what he said. at this point, he says he'll just tell me in english what he was saying. he yells: "YOU HAVE A GIGANTIC VAGINA. A WHALE COULD SWIM UP YOUR VAGINA."

now, this kid said this without having any knowledge of my vagina, nor probably any first-hand experience with any vagina ever. i wasn't offended by this, because i knew the kid was a dick when drunk, but i was kind of shocked. but now that i think about it, and now that i've been so enlightened by this douche school show, maybe he was just trying to run "the neg" on me?

genevieveyorke

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> For the final, do they just go to the police station and fill out complaints against themselves?

Colonel Mustard

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @KarenUhOh: I think that's the next episode of Unballed Mysteries!

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> i'm kind of liking the Corkyesque dude in the yellow tee.

SharonTaint

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> What really gets me is that Mystery is actually a fairly smooth operator*, and if he didn't dress like such a giant cheeseface he wouldn't be terrible looking**. He could probably have sex easily***.

*if you consider that he gets laid DESPITE the goggles/tattoo sleeves/etc.
**at least compared to his wingmen, Tweedle-Fat and Tweedle-Ugly
***in New Jersey

far-far

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> "There is a man with motorcycle goggles and black fingernails hovering above me. He says he is teaching me how to kiss. He flexes a gauntleted forearm and stares at me. Now he seizes the hand of the walleyed, slack-jawed blonde to his left. This man's eyes fill with gelatinous tears.

"I think we are somewhere in the 213 area code. I see a palm tree beyond the wall. There are no windows in the shed they make me sleep in. We have to pee in an empty swimming pool. We are fed rotten nachos, once a week, and drink flat Mr. Pibb from rusty jars.

"PLEASE SEND SOMEONE TO HELP ME."

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @xhack: Apparently the key is to sport common-house-fly-style eyewear? Are those things how he's able to see and anticipate Her Every Move?

WheatGerm

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Why is he touching Thom Yorke?

Mr. 60%

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Please, please, please make him stop!

LittleLolly

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @ThighHigh:

Yeah, it's the ol "insult her til' she sucks your dick" school of thought.

collegecallgirl

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> "Let's start off by practicing on each other. Remember, it's not gay if you do a 'roll off' at the end."

Steverino

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Did he make a couple of those kids get those stupid patchy blond highlights? Ugh. It's like he's training them to pick up girls at the Warped Tour in 1998. So...douchey...blech.

psych101

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @hoopinion: Dude, Mystery knows that the female orgasm is about as real as the Sasquatch.

riskybusiness

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> The producers of this show are in on the joke, right? Right?........... Right?

katastic

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I've seen this movie. She gave him pity panties, he charges people $1 to look at them, gets trapped in a glass table, and accidently eats a birth control pill. King of the Douches.

Itsjustcatnip

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @LolCait: Duh, can't you hear that?

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @xhack: Yes, though not necessarily in that order.

GorgeousGeorge

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> This guy would clearly have no problems picking up chicks in Bangkok.

Aatom

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @mathnet: ZOMG, are you the smoke monster from Lost now??!

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @LolCait: Smoke's still coming out down there.

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> This guy emulates Scott Weiland in the looks and fashion department. And that's not a good thing. Seriously, those fucking goggles!

PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I can't wait to see the fat kid wear Mystery's Snoopy the Red Baron/Ozzy Osbourne costume.

TheBigDoggy

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I don't know why I'm going to say this, but despite all the jargon and douchiness, he's essentially correct and it's a good strategy.

Ugh.

ThighHigh

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> @mathnet: Is your face all charred and your hair sticking up like crazy, like you just stuck a fork in an outlet?

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> How can anyone say, "Find a target and kiss-close [or is it kiss/close?] her" with a straight face?


fakefakejazz

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> When the blue-hair-spotted kid was eliminated and made his exit 'I now make an impression on people' speech, to be played off the show to the lyric nobody knows your name, I had Mara Altman's orgasm.

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> For their next field test, they try and get Mara Altman off.

hoopinion

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I always thought "KISS tactics" involved face paint and a 12-inch tongue.

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> I must be worse with women than I thought.

So the key to getting a girl is to walk into a bar, ask her about buying a ferret, immediately touch her and smell her?

xhack

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> As noted on Jezebel, please keep in mind that those tattoo "sleeves" are of the fake arm-warmer variety.

collegecallgirl

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Why do I feel like Mystery is one day going to end up going to law school?

hhpeterson13

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Those goggles protect him from sharp ladies' fingernails, angry birds of prey, and his own merciless reflection in the mirror.

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> nice tattoo sleeves, dickwad.

ellagood

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> Uugh, he is wearing fake tattoo arm sleeves! That, the goggles, the guyliner...I think I'm going to be sick.

friend_of_a_friend

]]> <![CDATA[How To Kiss A Girl]]> If you suck at Keno, there's always Video Poke[h]er.

KarenUhOh

]]>