The Commies - Gawker Comments

The Commies

KarenUhOh — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 00:19:45 EDT

Excellent work, Cait. See y'all on Wednesday./kisses,kuo

KarenUhOh

The Commies

BK_KT — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 23:55:11 EDT

@LolCait: LOLs, I do not know if you are reading this at so delayed an hour, but I wasn't in the office on friday (OMG) and had to be alerted of your props via text message from my friend (me = nerd, but he found out my secret identity on his own). ANYWHOZZLE, danke schein for the shoutout mon petit chou, YOU make me wanna be a better commenter.

BK_KT

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Products Will Save Me — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 00:36:54 EDT

@NotAndersonCooper: Oh man.
You want a blanket? The most comforting one I can offer has the Grateful Dead on it. Hope it isn't too hippyish for you.
It doesn't smell like nag champa.

Products Will Save Me

The Commies

NotAndersonCooper — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:19:10 EDT

@concerned citizen:
Nother Friday night listenin to 8-tracks. I got a friend who was in a car accident this week. She's okay. Doc gave her percoset - but she's allergic to it. Mixed emotions. It's not like I'm profiteering from 9/11 but goddammit I am getting those extras.

NotAndersonCooper

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MadameEducatrix — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:17:55 EDT

@Elektra: I call Meeropols!

MadameEducatrix

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MadameEducatrix — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 22:15:30 EDT

@gwai lo: Like Millie on "Freaks and Geeks."

MadameEducatrix

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Products Will Save Me — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 21:37:17 EDT

@NotAndersonCooper: Yeah, so... are you bringing the malt liquor this time or should I?

Products Will Save Me

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Trackback — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:59:00 EDT

• Dude looks like a strong lady! (Unfortunately, dude normally looks like a relatively weak man.) Pretty much all is revealed here, people. Enjoy, and be gentle. [Queerty] • “The Commies” commenter awards? What a great idea! I wish I woulda thought of that two weeks ago!

Trackback

The Commies

c_webb — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:10:23 EDT

@ellagood:

I have the first Muppet Show skit ever ("Manomana") as my ringtone. It once inspired a marriage proposal from a random guy at Jimmy's Corner Bar (not that those are hard to come by) ...

c_webb

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NotAndersonCooper — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 20:02:31 EDT

@fileunder:
He came out of the lenin closet.

NotAndersonCooper

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fileunder — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 19:14:51 EDT

well, well, well...our little devil wears Pravda.

fileunder

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:56:09 EDT

@ellagood:
I know, right? I had some workmen at my house this week and when they saw the first season box set in my bedroom, they asked if I had kids. Uhhh...no....

fakefakejazz

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:52:43 EDT

@gwai lo:
I said it about lolcait, but I think it also applies equally to newtojezebel: if she didn't exist we'd have to invent her. (I'm not entirely convinced that she's NOT an invention....)

fakefakejazz

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genevieveyorke — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:50:52 EDT

@ascot-revival: i kind of like the idea of disappearing some commenters m'self.

genevieveyorke

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Clarence Rosario — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:42:59 EDT

Late to the Party (get it!), but I'm diggin' what you all are rappin'. I've always called for KUO's jersey to be retired and hung from the rafters to give the rest of us proles a shot a GSM. With LOLCait, we need to retire the rafters.

Clarence Rosario

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atipofthehat — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:39:34 EDT

@atipofthehat: Oops, sorry, they're both the same picture.

atipofthehat

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Elektra — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:36:41 EDT

Call me Ruth.

Ruth Greenglass.

Elektra

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tessielou — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:25:08 EDT

@miss_msry: Maybe instead of executions, bad commenters are now sent to the gulag...or are just disappeared.

tessielou

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ellagood — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:20:58 EDT

@blogissuchanuglyword: yes. we go through this every week. penis. penis. penis.

ellagood

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Pherdnut — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:15:28 EDT

Umm... I'm gay, a bottom and whatever age LolCait prefers.

(LolCait's gay right?)

Wait. What do we win?

Pherdnut

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NotAndersonCooper — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 18:07:55 EDT

Hot Dog! Speaking for the weekenders, this is totally awesome. Late Nites too, Cait's always there to share my sleeping bag.

NotAndersonCooper

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SchmatSchmaymon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:40:05 EDT

We're going to have to start doing age/sex checks apparently.

SchmatSchmaymon

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GorgeousGeorge — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:38:03 EDT

I guess it's only natural that Church and State be separated, and that LoLCait be kept from dominating this category each week by virtue of a strategically placed conflict of interest. :) Grats on the new gig, and thank you for the shout out. From now on I must always remember: my semi-informed, long-winded rants = Bad; Dick Jokes = Golden.

GorgeousGeorge

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Conbon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:29:05 EDT

@Colonel Mustard: newtojezebel can be the pumpkin!

Conbon

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atipofthehat — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:21:35 EDT

@dado: There's a rare picture of LolCait here: [www.warholstars.org]
...
Another here: [www.lolcats.com]

atipofthehat

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gwai lo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:16:28 EDT

@fakefakejazz: I also kind of enjoy newtojezebel. But I think of her as the Paul Pfeiffer of the gawker commenter's, the unapologetic Millhouse to our collective Bart Simpson, the overly clingy greasy pigtailed neighbor girl your mom made you take to the city pool with you despite the fact that she never fucking stopped talking about unicorns and her pet rat.

This was supposed to be a sort of compliment?

gwai lo

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Products Will Save Me — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:02:25 EDT

@dado: That deserves its own wildly inappropriate a/s/l thread.

Products Will Save Me

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Dwayne Provecho — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:00:21 EDT

@fakefakejazz: @ellagood: Bobby Benson and his Baby Band. Yes I had to google that, but I do remember the skit. Personally, I preferred Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphones.

@Colonel Mustard: Careful--who's your Whittaker Chambers?

Dwayne Provecho

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dado — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:57:38 EDT

@blogissuchanuglyword: LolCait can't be a boy...I have assigned many of you physical attributes and LolCait is not on team peen.

dado

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BrianVan — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:56:24 EDT

@ellagood: Oh, go ahead, sure! I won't call the cops like I usually do. Just watch out for my Doberman. We've been having doggie obedience issues lately with Berkowitz.

BrianVan

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el smrtmnky — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:53:14 EDT

now this is the kind of surge i'm behind. good work, ladies.

el smrtmnky

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miss_msry — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:52:56 EDT

@LolCait:

Good on you! Do you also handle the executions?

miss_msry

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blogissuchanuglyword — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:52:11 EDT

LOLCait is a boy!?!?!?

blogissuchanuglyword

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ellagood — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:49:06 EDT

@BrianVan: oh, i love when you come to the playpen to bitch. everyone needs a grump. btw, my ball just went over your fence. can i get it?

ellagood

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ellagood — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:47:57 EDT

@fakefakejazz: no idea...i am now dying to go home and watch my muppet show dvds. i havent't seen that new muppet christmas movie. i still love me some "the christmas toy" and "the muppet christmas carol."
shit, i better have kids soon so i have an excuse for my taste in entertainment.

ellagood

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:46:33 EDT

@Choire: Are there any Flaggots in the trophy case?

mathnet

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BrianVan — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:44:33 EDT

@theobviouschild: Yeah, but they've killed me 5 times, they're used to it.

BrianVan

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:43:11 EDT

@fakefakejazz:

That should say, "a triumphant return to from," naturally.

fakefakejazz

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FracturedAcetabulum — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:41:34 EDT

@BrianVan: please don't shit in my pillowcase. Fuck my sister, hell fuck my wife (if you must), but hands off/butts off my pillowcase.

FracturedAcetabulum

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:40:12 EDT

@ellagood:

I always liked that cigar-chewing agent-type guy who manages the passel of babies. What was his name?

Now, I have to ask: have you seen the Muppets' latest Christmas movie? The sort of a quasi-It's A Wonderful Life where David Arquette keeps saying, " I look like an ince cream vendor form Hello Dolly!". I believe it is a triumphant return to form.

fakefakejazz

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Lysergic Asset — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:37:15 EDT

@BrianVan: There's a fine line between sacred and profane, and I'm guessing that what you just described falls under 'sacred.'

Lysergic Asset

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Trampoline — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:32:08 EDT

Nice work, LolCait. Good choices all.

And I'm not kissing ass (much) when I say, in all honesty, that your comments inspired me to jump into this festering pool of Gawker-menters to begin with. (Well, that and my really good Tim Robbins story.)

Trampoline

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:28:37 EDT

@Choire:

Warned you.

depardoo

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Products Will Save Me — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:27:50 EDT

@Colonel Mustard: I'll be Horatio Alger.
Talk to you suckers after I'm rich, rich, rich!

Products Will Save Me

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BrianVan — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:25:30 EDT

And also... what's with that "Flag" thing? What could a commenter possibly post (in terms of verbiage) that would be worse than what the editors say around here? This is like the HBO of the Internet, including whackings, polygamy, and old-people-fucking.

BrianVan

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dado — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:24:11 EDT

This is some sort of asylum where the inmates seem to have undue influence...

dado

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Lysergic Asset — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:23:06 EDT

@TedSez: Agreed, but really, it's just more grist for the mill for us to comment on, don't you think? In case we missed the cleverness the first time around, a recap is always welcome.

Lysergic Asset

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BrianVan — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:22:31 EDT

@Choire: Aww, that's sweet of you. Your loving touch is only award I'll ever need.

BTW, we haven't talked in a while, but that "take GM down from the inside" plan... how's that working out for you? I always thought the Foxy Brown thread was part of that. Just leave Deadspin behind, though, please? "Dick Joke Jamboroo" has changed my life forever.

BrianVan

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:22:17 EDT

@Conbon:

Alas, yes. But that was George's nickname, no?

depardoo

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:20:39 EDT

@Choire:

I'm sending you an oversized umbrella for the shitstorm that is about to ensue.

depardoo

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Conbon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:19:14 EDT

@depardoo: Aren't two of them pretty quiet these days?

Conbon

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Colonel Mustard — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:17:04 EDT

@Conbon: I'll be Alger Hiss, because...well, his name sounds like a He-Man villain.

Colonel Mustard

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:16:11 EDT

@Choire: This is the best week of my life.

mathnet

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TedSez — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:15:56 EDT

It's sort of like getting Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks to choose who wins the Oscars. Or making Paris Hilton and O.J. Simpson criminal-court judges.

TedSez

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Conbon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:15:37 EDT

@Choire: If only there was some kind of button I could click...

Conbon

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Choire — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:14:50 EDT

@BrianVan: "Assholes like me don't need recognition to be a smug hungover motherfucker"

Wow, Brian Van achieved self awareness only days later than Britney Spears did. Mazel tov.

Choire

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Flashman — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:12:39 EDT

Where's KarenUhOh these days?

Flashman

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:12:29 EDT

@Conbon:

Great, I'll be the Quiet One.

depardoo

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:12:03 EDT

@depardoo: Ho.Ly.Shit.

mathnet

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:11:43 EDT

@mathnet:

Now this really does sound like my marriage. Except the sex part.

depardoo

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Conbon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:11:10 EDT

@depardoo: I don't actually know who any of those people are. I'll be Senator McCartney.

Conbon

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atipofthehat — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:11:00 EDT

@LolCait: Next week, can we do what they do at the Special Olympics? All link arms and cross the finish line together!

::sniff::

atipofthehat

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:10:59 EDT

@mathnet:

Oh, Mathnet, do, please do! Would that that IT mess earlier had continued, thus preventing me from falling into the abyss.

depardoo

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:10:32 EDT

@depardoo: Clean the bathroom and I'll let you have sex with my lifeless body tonight.

mathnet

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BrianVan — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:10:00 EDT

Awards are for people who need awards.

Assholes like me don't need recognition to be a smug hungover motherfucker who thinks you can all suck my dick in a clown suit if you really want to make me laugh. If I were in charge I wouldn't just execute all of you, I'd find your houses and shit in your pillowcases. And fuck your sisters.

Don't bother to give me an award, I'd just send an indian to pick it up.

BrianVan

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tammyfey — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:08:41 EDT

@momo: Keep on felchin', with a furtitty reach-around.

tammyfey

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:08:13 EDT

@Conbon:

You have, honestly, cut me to the quick. My attempt at humor fell flat, and suddenly I'm Roy Cohn. It doesn't get any worse than that. This is starting to feel a lot like my marriage.

depardoo

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:06:59 EDT

Every time I come back here to consider making up with Depardoo, BK_KT's comment makes me laugh out loud again.

mathnet

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ellagood — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:06:47 EDT

@fakefakejazz: oh my god! the eagle's name was Sam?! that was my favorite muppet growing up and everyone thought i was insane. of course, i am...
but i had long forgotten his name.

ellagood

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Itsjustcatnip — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:05:38 EDT

Is the hammer on the award an implicit or complicit threat?

Itsjustcatnip

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:03:34 EDT

@IHateWhatYouHaveOn:

I hope NewToJezebel stays. She is Sam the American Eagle to everyone else's Statler and Waldorf.

fakefakejazz

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Queen of the Passive Aggressives — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:02:46 EDT

I love when they promote from within. Also, LoLCait does not actually work so no worries on the boss thing. He is uber-rich from arms sales and lives in St. Bart's.

Queen of the Passive Aggressives

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:02:18 EDT

We can call him Chainman Meow.

fakefakejazz

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 16:00:28 EDT

@MattGaymon: I can stop any time I want to.

mathnet

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rod — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:59:55 EDT

When I look back to when the Gold Star Motel was first opened, I don't think my comment would have made it here.

But, as you did put a red ribbon on some horsecock, I guess you're felching out from the commenter hole some juicy material that I can understand.

Keeping on felchin' baby!

rod

The Commies

IHateWhatYouHaveOn — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:57:28 EDT

@ascot-revival:
MATHNET

Honestly, my only question about executions is whether NewToJezebel will be on the list or not.
And Mathnet-I think you're brilliant, so maybe you could handle the execution/blacklist? Just take over and do it...it'll be fine...

IHateWhatYouHaveOn

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Conbon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:56:43 EDT

So are LolCait and Mathnet Julius and Ethel, and Depardoo Roy Cohn?

Conbon

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SchmatSchmaymon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:56:14 EDT

Yeah I'm much more interested in who he wants to off. Or maybe they gave that to equally addicted/hilarious Mathnet - Queen of the Damned.

SchmatSchmaymon

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Colonel Mustard — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:56:06 EDT

@LolCait: Your new column is Mao bueno!

Colonel Mustard

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Lysergic Asset — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:55:49 EDT

This is a stroke of genius on the part of the Gawker editors: not only do you satisfy the legions of LolCait-admirers among us, you also have less sifting through the comments to do, without having to pay anyone.

Lysergic Asset

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meerkat — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:55:48 EDT

This is a great idea!

But if this tireless pursuit of excellence does cost LolCait his day job, Balk, will Gawker hire him?

meerkat

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Colonel Mustard — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:54:49 EDT

Hooray! I was going to stand in a bread line for four hours and trade a pair of Levis for an LolCait feature, and now I don't have to!

Colonel Mustard

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Anchor McHottieMan — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:54:26 EDT

@ascot-revival: I hope we at least get to have show trials.

Anchor McHottieMan

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:53:14 EDT

@theobviouschild: Well said.

mathnet

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ascot-revival — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:51:59 EDT

@IHateWhatYouHaveOn: Will being executed now be known as being blacklisted, in keeping with this new communist theme?

ascot-revival

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Products Will Save Me — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:51:46 EDT

And from his Presidential Suite, he sipped his Singapore Sling and tried his best to share the wealth, all the while laughing and laughing, sometimes coughing, but mostly laughing and laughing.

Products Will Save Me

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Lysergic Asset — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:51:36 EDT

This is a stroke of geniu

Lysergic Asset

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LolCait — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:51:33 EDT

@ellagood: I am no longer eligible to win anything. Like someone who lives in Tennessee. I'll just stare at you guys from within my crumbling suite, which smells increasingly of hot dogs and Bactine.

LolCait

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collegecallgirl — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:50:32 EDT

Huzzah!

collegecallgirl

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:50:27 EDT

@IHateWhatYouHaveOn: That couldn't be sweet Cait's job. Perhaps DIEDIEDIE has been fauxmoted too?

mathnet

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tammyfey — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:50:05 EDT

Can this column be flagged?

tammyfey

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Conbon — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:49:14 EDT

This is exactly what Marx had in mind. Groucho, at least.

Conbon

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MissTicklebritches — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:49:00 EDT

Where is LOLCait's column/entry/whatever? Honestly, why not bring LOLCait on board as a writer?

MissTicklebritches

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:48:17 EDT

@mathnet:

You reign supreme.

depardoo

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IHateWhatYouHaveOn — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:47:55 EDT

But where are the executions?

IHateWhatYouHaveOn

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mcginstein — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:46:48 EDT

Brills.

I think "crazed, uber-commenter" sums it up nicely. I have crazed uber-love for you, LolCait.

mcginstein

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atipofthehat — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:46:44 EDT

@LolCait: So that's what kept you so busy yesterday.

atipofthehat

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:45:56 EDT

@depardoo: Suck it.

mathnet

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:44:21 EDT

@mathnet:

Quotations from Chairman LolCait's Little Pink Book.

depardoo

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ellagood — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:44:16 EDT

does this mean we no longer have to compete with him? good.
and even more LOLCAIT ass kissing?

ellagood

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Pesquyist — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:43:59 EDT

LolCait, you've finally hit the big time. Vashe Zdrovie!

Pesquyist

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fakefakejazz — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:43:36 EDT

Glad to see love has lifted lolcait up where he belongs! Sir, if you didn't exist, we would have had to invent you.

fakefakejazz

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the_mayoress — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:43:34 EDT

wait, i feel all conflict-y. now if i comment on lolcait's awesomeness*, am i more in the running? or less? do i need to write in to randy cohen?

*not awesomist, but speaking of, where???

the_mayoress

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depardoo — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:42:45 EDT

@LolCait:

Excellent, though kind-of-whacky-in-a-LOLCait-sort-of... way, choices. But might the Mathnet choice not raise the spectre of at least the appearance of impropriety?

depardoo

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mathnet — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:40:55 EDT

Mein Commpf!

mathnet

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katastic — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:38:13 EDT

Yay! Column for LOLCAIT!

katastic

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LolCait — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:37:30 EDT

And everyone else, really.

LolCait