<![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Trackback

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Can we tempt you to stay with the unveiling of BalkSelect? It'll be huge.

MadameEducatrix

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Balk! No! *sob*
I got drunk this weekend and mourned your leaving without even knowing you were leaving. I knew there was a disturbance in the Force somewhere.

PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Radar? Seriously? In a few months (weeks?) you'll need that "Maer Roshan fucking owes me money" t-shirt...

IHateWhatYouHaveOn

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Balk: Aw, you were plenty drunk & belligerent during the weeks in between, luv.
And I'm STILL crying over this. Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

DorothyMantooth

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Trackback

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Balk: Good luck to you and your cock, Balk.

Will the last person to leave Gawker turn out the lights?

NYMinute

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Balk:

It works for you. Go with it. Good luck and we'll miss you.

Sargasm

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Just for this I'm calling you Alex again.

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Aww, thanks everybody. I promise to spend my last two weeks here the same way I spent my first two: extremely drunk and incredibly belligerent.

Balk

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> no.

i stop reading for a week (computer troubles, i swear) and this happens.

slinkimalinki

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

RachelSklar

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> This announcement just made my stomach drop. Me need help?

shehatesme

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: But will Choire pardon him?

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @LolCait: Thanks. You are nice. That could be a cause for concern, you know.

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: Ohh you're right, he does. Wild. Raucous even.
Thank you for that!
Covers better than originals:
[www.youtube.com]
[www.youtube.com]

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @BinkysDream: Thx for the generous "Ring of Fire" download offer, but Joaquin & Johnny's versions are qualified to satisfy me.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: Yes, but it's time for The Underground to save them from control by the Controller. We will rise up and make serious whoopie.Our dearly beloved gay and straight Gawker Male Love Objects will survive. Watch This Space. Justice will not be denied. (Footsteps in the distance, soft humming of "The International.."

SarahHeartburn

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Is it true Balk will leave by helicopter and fly directly to San Clemente?

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> The "This Just In" section on Radar right now:

Florida Inspires New Lingo/Olsen Twins Make-Over Challenge/Is OJ's Rep Worth Fighting For?/The MySpace Friend Race 08!

bitchymcsarasm

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Fine, if you have to leave, good luck, Balk. But, if you go through one of those "I was wrong, be nice to everyone! XOXO" things that Coen did after she dumped us, bad things are going to happen to you. I promise you that.

sassypants

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @SarahHeartburn: amen, sister.

ellagood

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Wait... what? Tell me I'm just really hungover. Please. Doree leaves, NTJ gets in, executions are suspended and now Balk is leaving? No. Just no.

gently_used_beard

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Curse_of_NursePornstein:

No, problem. We're all working through this. I bookmarked Radar - but it felt so dirty.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I leave the country for a few days and all the stable foundations of my life disappear.

Say it ain't so, Balk.

Smitros

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @SarahHeartburn:
The secret service prefers to keep Balk and Momo in separate buildings.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @ellagood: and, isn't Momo's 40th birthday the 2nd of October? I think a major bash, double should be arranged. Champagne and buffalo wings and roofies galore.

SarahHeartburn

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> i better be invited to the going away party.

i will gladly jump out of a cake. with julia allison.

ellagood

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: hah! (?) Sorry if I came off harsh. It's the grief talking. I took a look at radar.com and the future looks grim indeed.

Curse_of_NursePornstein

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> It's been a couple of days now and I am still sad and shocked...and on hold with Sprint and bored. So, fun weekend overall. Hope your brunch thingy is fun, LOLCait!

Mary Mouse

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> It looks like not a lot of Gawker commenters read Radar. It's radaronline.com, not radar.com.

Balk's Cock owns radar.com.

demetria23

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: It's about freaking time, NotAndy. I've only been begging you to come back for weeks now (well, okay, 12 days). LolCait re-christened it Balksymorons in honor of our intrepid editor.

P.S. - Props to atipofthehat for keeping the crazy long thread going.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Ohh Myyy Gawwwwwwd. Just checked Foxy. The late late late late late night crew breathed fire into that thing. Totally awesome - quality of last night's posts is superber than ever. I'm re-enlisting

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: Google Alex Balk. Should come up 4th or 5th under "Who the fuck is....."
@concerned citizen: Wah-Keen burns up the screen. God he is fabulous, you should watch it at least once.

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I'm hoping Elton reheats Candle in The Wind for one more go- This time in honor of Balk.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Curse_of_NursePornstein:
You are probably correct. How else do I explain download of Hilary and Haylie Duff's cover of Our Lips Are Sealed .
@concerned citizen:
I love his version of Delia's Gone.
Wild stuff.
[www.youtube.com]

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @BinkysDream: Sorry, I forgot the best part: one of them is a smutty German parody by Alex Knoll called "Ring um meine Eier" about a cock ring. See, it does all come back to Balk...

BinkysDream

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I require Balk in my Gawker. I am getting nice and sauced as I mourn.

I started reading Gawker faithfully after Balk came aboard. I knew he was destined for greener pastures, but fucking A, Radar? No. He is far too talented.

karion

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: Oooh, I feel like I'm on Idolator right now. I have 26 versions of Ring Of Fire that I've collected over the years, and I'm sure that's just a fraction of what's out there. Anyhoo, EM me if you're interested...

BinkysDream

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily: "... secrets that others tried to hide from you will be exposed."

OMG! Balk is pregnant! And he's been hiding it because he doesn't want you to feel pressured into marrying him!

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> That last one was back at you, @theobviouschild: , not at myself.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen: @PandoraSpocks: I just downloaded the soundtrack and I have to agree. Certain spots kind of labored but overall impressive.
And of course my musical expertise extends not at all beyond "like" and "do not want."

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: So at least we know there's an original theme waiting for Balk's departure party.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen: Thanks for clarifying that; I was wondering. (Tho I was born and raised in Brooklyn, no one ever invited me to a "body pain" party.)

@PandoraSpocks: @concerned citizen: IMHO, Joaquin Phoenix does a cover version of "Ring of Fire" even better than Johnny Cash.

Balk, better get those commenter approval applications ready for Radar online!

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen: Paint. Body paint. Body pain is, as always, restless leg syndrome.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @PandoraSpocks: Strangely enough I've never watched it. Biopics drain the life out of me so it takes a lot.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @PandoraSpocks: Bummer: "Error 404 Page Not Found" = but thx for trying!

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen: I played the soundtrack from WTL when it first came out for a musician and didn't tell him what it was. He said "So who remixed the old Cash songs now? They sound great."

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @LolCait: Yay! I'll bring the Champale and Sunny D.
So now that the Emmys are over, what's the body pain dress code? Favorite Balk posts?

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @BinkysDream: Ah, Balk's greatest hits [gawker.com] You're getting us nostalgic already. Really, will any of us ever look at an overcast day again without thinking of Balk and zombie ass-raping? It's how he would want us to think of him.

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @cassandra: America, I'm putting my queer cock to the wheel.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: For my money, there is no arguing with Folsom Prison Blues. But that's just me. Agree to disagree?
And where the motherfuck is Wookie?
@theobviouschild: You know, a particularly pleasing string of words randomly sprang into my head this morning and I thought of placing it on that thread. But now, naturally, it's gone forever.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Has someone checked Balk's favorite barstool at the Shark? What would he like us to do as a tribute?

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: Maybe your taste in music is 100% RealAndersonCooper!? That Cribs tip was the shit!

Curse_of_NursePornstein

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: Great list. How about "I'm Broken" by Pantera?

BinkysDream

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: My bad.

[www.whatevs.org]
Archive 10/10/2004

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: We have joked since my first day that "Get Me Away From Here I'm dying" is the Gawker theme song

Emily Gould

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I can't believe this.

I saw the best cocks of my generation, starving, hysterical, naked...

cassandra

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @shesaidwhat: I'm working at a second job tonight (mama's broke) and then having a little to-do at my apartment tomorrow during the day. All are welcome. Come, have a mimosa!

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: Balksymorons?

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Gawker 9/21 lyric:

You can't always get what you want

Sargasm

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: "Like we're going to nail 1,000 posts as a tribute to Balk."

Earlier today over at the still-clinging-for-dear- life Foxymorons post, atipofthehat suggested we try to get that thread to 10,000 in Balk's honor (it's at 5780 now).

Since tippy is resorting to responding to comments from the first page of the archives, I think it would be fabulously selfless if y'all could help him out here*.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: If you still want the un-expurgated version, EM me.

@shesaidwhat: First rain of the season in the Bay Area, so the gray skies are making it feel like prime ass-raping zombie weather. Because yeah, that is what Balk would have wanted.

BinkysDream

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I'm showing my age but times like these call for drastic measures: break out The Carpenters (I know, the "If I Were" tribute album is the coolest but you have to have the originals too). Start with "Ticket to Ride" and let it carry you along to the maulin stylings of "Goodbye to Love." Before long you will begin to meditate on the total genius of "Superstar": "... it's like you know these people but you don't, do you? ... you start thinking that they are actually listening and talking to you..." Alienation and despair descends as you start to identify with the song a little too much "... but these are imaginary relationships ... not much different from listening to the radio ..." Then the loneliness becomes too much to bear as you realize "... you're not really here ... it's just the computer ..." and you lose your mind to grief.

At least that's my idea of a fun weekend. What are you kids up to?

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: anonymous commenter healing sex, hmmm...best idea I've heard all day. Will it be "spiritual" though?
@THEOBVIOUSCHILD: my song of the moment is "Feel So NUMB" by Rob Zombie. I've moved from denial to sad to angry..

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Actually I downloaded some Cribs tunes per Balk's recommendation. I wasn't so impressed. So maybe his taste in music wasn't so great. But that doesn't stop the tears.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen:
I adored them both (well not so much Cash) but I understand the curiosity. Thanks for tip. I prefer the Joaquin Phoenix version of JC to JC.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: My worst was when out of sheer curiosity, I downloaded a duet cover of "Redemption Song" by none other than Joe Strummer and Johnny Cash. I kid you not. It's probably the worst thing I've ever heard.
@LolCait: O noes! Links don't work on multiple page posts. Unless it's just me. Regardless I'll assume you were referring to Joe Strummer, Johnny Cash, and Bob Marley.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen:
My worst itune purchase: Good Girls Don't by The Knack. They expurgated the best line in the song. Fuckers.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I had the strangest dream that Balk was leaving. And you were there, and you were there, and you were there. And I - Oh. Wait. Not a dream.

Sigh.

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: That's right. Only bitterly angry and dancerifically angry downloads see proceeds go to the And Then There Were Three fund. Good thing you caught me before I purchased "Come On Feel the Noise."

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Uh Oh.
I just bookmarked page 3 of this post. Like we're going to nail 1,000 posts as a tribute to Balk. Before midnite tomorrow. Just floating. Mmmmmmmm, hot tea and xanax, that's what the real hipsters are up to tonight.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen:
I hope the last one wasn't an itune because the 99 cents could have gone to the children.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: It's what Balk would have wanted.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: @theobviouschild: On mine:
Don't Leave Me This Way- Thelma Houston
Brother, My Cup is Empty- Nick Cave
Electric Youth- Debbie Gibson
That last one, just because.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen:
Hopefully not too soon. It's important that commenters express themselves through anonymous grief sex before any cash is disbursed.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: And yet I get to feel good about myself for having thought about giving back to the community. So, as a commenter who was there on 9/21, how long will it take for me to see some of the charity cash rolling in? I mean for the wounds to heal?

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild:
On Mypod right now:
(1) Shatttered

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen:
O'Reilly's already pissed. None of the cigarettes are getting to the children they were intended for.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: I have half a pack of cigarettes I can donate. No promises that I won't ask for it back at some point.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Although Choire and Emily were equally stunned when Balk tendered his resignation, Josh had a feeling something was up several days earlier, when he caught a glimpse of the Top 10 playlist on Balk's iPod:

(1) Dog Eat Dog - Weird 'Al' Yankovic
(2) Chain Gang - Sam Cooke
(3) Workin' for a Livin' - Huey Lewis and the News
(4) We Don't Work For Free - Grandmaster Melle Mel and the Furious Five
(5) Tempted - Squeeze
(6) Should I Stay or Should I Go? -The Clash
(7) We've Gotta Get Out of This Place - The Animals
(8) I'm Leaving - John Lee Hooker
(9) Take This Job and Shove It - Johnny Paycheck
(10) Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Note to all:

I'm starting the 9/21 fund - devoted to helping commenters that Balk leaves behind. It's modeled on the Baldwin Charity; 90% of proceeds go to admin.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: You mean we're not supposed to be... Oh my god.

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Late to the game, as usual, I concur with the primal NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Do not want!!!1!

Sargasm

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Why are there publications like Radar? Why is there so much trouble in the world?

atipofthehat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @the cajun boy:
The horse is symbolic of Rupert Murdoch and the crushing influence he has on all your dreams. Unless it was a talking horse - Then it was Mister Ed and you fell asleep watching old tee vee.

And yeah, I spun over to Radar for a look. WTF is right.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...!!!!
WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!!!
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...!!!
[takes sedative...sleeps]
[wakes, enters negotiation phase: "Denton, have you heard of the hot new business model 'Pay-Per-Balk'? I've run the numbers. It's gold! I'll be the first to pony up."]

TheLorax

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Dear THE BALK: Balls! Balls! Balls! Balls! Balls!

Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @the cajun boy: I may have just snorted! haha!
Wonder what Freud would have to say about that dream of yours..

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> i thought i would wake up today and this bad dream would be over.

negative.

instead, i woke up from a nightmare in which a horse was sitting on me. i have no idea what that means or if such a thing would actually be preferable to balk's departure.

radar?!?! wtf balk?!?!

the cajun boy

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: @concerned citizen:
I bought her book.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen: I'm not paying her; are you?

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily:

Where iz grief counselor?
How do you get advice from a personal lubricant?

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: O hai!
@emily: "...changes in the needs of your clients." We are your clients and we need you to stay. There! Done!

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: It was all predicted here... [www.walkoffbalk.com]

atipofthehat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @PandoraSpocks: "I want to know if our Alex Balk is really the same Alex Balk pictured with his teammates on the world's losingest Midwestern football team..."

Without a photo/link, that was just a huge (Balk's cock-)tease.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily: This new Gawker Shocker feature has got to go!

Goodbye, Commenters!

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily: Hmmm...sounds to me like you and Balk are about to fall in love.

ZiggyStardust

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> oh fucking great, now i have to start reading radar...

Baberaham Lincoln

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily:

For more exacting, up to the minute, astrology reports, i suggest: [www.astro.com]

You can create reports specific to your date and time. Of course these reports can be a little harsh, but this sight is German, so that goes without saying.

Select "Astrodienst Services" and then "Personal Daily Horoscopes" -- good times ahead.

PS. Please don't let Gawker U go the way of the Doe-doe. That was some good shit.

Mackintosh-Typos

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @PandoraSpocks: They're sitting shiva.

SarahHeartburn

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily:
@NotAndersonCooper:

Either we are some very good Jews who refrained from drinking at all yesterday or you both stayed up all night.

I want to know if our Alex Balk is really the same Alex Balk pictured with his teammates on the world's losingest Midwestern football team -- photo taken 10+ years ago. (Speaking of which, whatever became of Uncle Grambo?)

I too will read Radar if he's there, even though I have no idea what the hell it is or what they do.

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @emily: That was cryptic.

groupie

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @concerned citizen:
Guess this is the hanging thread for the weekend. Nice ta seeya.

Is okay to get maudlin and recall our favorite Balk moments? Zombie Rape, Gawker U, Jury Duty..

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @karion: Ugh, you guys, Astrologyzone DID warn me about this. I mean I still feel blindsided. But! ""You might take a wait-and-see approach on some topics, particularly those related to career, as lots of news appears to be surfacing, and once you have it, you can refine your plans.
At the lunar eclipse in late August, you began to see sudden shifts surface in your office, mainly in terms of personnel or changes in the needs of clients. Now, in September, more will be revealed and secrets that others tried to hide from you will be exposed. Once the truth is out, you'll see the bigger picture, and you will be able to finalize plans for your future. This will all have an emotional impact on you, of course, because chances are that you will have not noticed what was brewing."

Emily Gould

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> ... and were I sober I would have used one less "great" and at least one less "really."

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> So I think Radar is sort of great and that Maer is a really, really great guy personally.

That being said, whose cock is taking over for Balk's?

Products Will Save Me

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @atipofthehat: Perhaps Lolcait is really Elizabeth Spiers and this all some very roundabout way for her to take over the site again. Assume a commenter identity, make puns like mad, use her vast media connections (and book advance!) to assure that all the editors are hired away, return to devalued blog property and install puppet regime, rule world.

It's so crazy it just might work!

oneninesevenfour

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Seriously, boooooo. If this site is now going to solely consist of Emily bitching about James Frey, I am so, so done.

shelbyC

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> In the restaurant world, as I bet many of you know, there are many comings and goings. In one place I worked for about two years, I saw 70 people go in and out on my watch.

Well -- sometimes, these days, people move for fundamental reasons. Did Radar offer Balk something extraordinary, something elsewhere unseen? Like (drumroll) health benefits?

If there's no ulterior motive like that -- then I'd say our most clever friend just flipped his shit... decided to move from Freeman's to Chili's!

You get the analogy, ne c'est pas?

Bon chance. Was indeed fun. But won't miss the 'cock' stuff.

TimeWarnerRhymeAnaheim

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> At least I got to shake the man's hand. I'll never wash it again.

Clarence Rosario

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @VenusCloacina: oh, Venus. Thank goodness you're here! It's at sixes and sevens, as they say. Come home soon!

Curse_of_NursePornstein

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Choire: Just a guess...Neel Shah?

Or maybe Shaquille O'Neal.

Goodbye, Commenters!

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I go out of town for eight lousy weeks and Balk goes to motherfucking Radar? The mysteriously undead magazine/website/whatever?

God, I'd hate to see what happened if I left town for a year. I'd come back to find that J. All. had turned Choire into a breeder and moved into a menage a trois with Arden "Headband Squeezing My Brain" Wohl. And Emily, of course, would now be known as Mrs. James Frey, after a wedding planned by Blagg and fellow MisShapes.

VenusCloacina

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> nooooooooooo . . . . .

sheistolerable

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: Duuede. You are, like, so totally blowing my mind. Emily can't be Brad from Bay Ridge, man!!! She's Emily!!!!

atipofthehat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> He can't go until the Krucoff sings. It's tradition.

raincoaster

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @LolCait: LOLCait, can we have a Balker Stalker feature? Choire?

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @LolCait:

Oh. The alcohols has frozen my brain. And hands. I was trying to create a cliffhanger. Then I remembered my cliffhanger experience is all based on McMillan & Wife.

koala325

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper: Ditto on the LolCait generosity and kindness, especially in this environment that makes mean feel so good. I wonder if, one day, he'll come paint my apartment.

Diglett

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @LolCait:
Hey, as long as my emotional guard is down, can I tell you that on top of your enormous geniusness, you're a very sweet guy; Your kindness and impulse to rescue is not unnoticed.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Choire: You already know who's replacing him? Damn you guys work fast. Can you come paint my apartment?

Diglett

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> WTFISGOINGONTODAYFIRSTMYCONDOLOSESHALFIT... DOWNALLDAYANDNOWBALKISLEAVINGFORRADAR...???SOMEBODYKILLMEORGIVEMEASHITLOADOFPUMPKIN...,BITCHES.

Diglett

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Can we at least get Doree back?

Goodbye, Commenters!

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Koala325:
Thanks, Seriously, I'm crying.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Choire:

You mean I'll be able to love again?

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Let's invite BALK to the Brandy Library next week and buy him so much ancient whiskey he won't be able to find Radar with both hands.

Goodbye, Commenters!

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Drunk enough for a spoiler, Choire?:

karion

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Choire: Choire. I'm sad.

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Koala325: What did I used to do??

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @HeyThatsMyBike: You're right. And looks like you may get your wish.

Choire

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @MisterHippity: Exactly. On the plus side, Clooney really hit his stride after he shed his scrubs. Here's to Balk finding his Ocean's Eleven. And hey, ER is still on, isn't it?

Shittiest day in a while. This was a steaming turd atop a shit sandwich.

karion

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NotAndersonCooper:

Cold comfort. But we're all in this together.
Regardless, I haven't felt this way since Luke Perry left 90210.

koala325

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Noooooooooooo Nooooooooooooooooooooo A million billion times Noooooooooooooooooo. I have complete and unabashed straight man love for Balk. Can Not Be.
Just got home and read this. Two hours ago I was blissfully pumping away at core fusion, thinking about a juden-frai walk home through the UWS and signing on for weekend Gawker. I'm so upset about this. And yet if I love him, how can I be mad. Hmmmm, I way not that evolved.
Okay - Two rockin weeks.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Oh yeah, and I post on Gawker at all hours that my boss emails me. So fuck the fact that it's nearly ten and I'm still at work!

pinch_vintage

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @atipofthehat: It's actually my lifestyle too (I'm a woman). I suppose it's not an insult per se--well, I'd hate for the men to go anti. BUt it's the thought I came back from lunch with, and I stand by cuntlick as something you call a guy who says he's "sensitive." Just like fuckle is what cougars keep in their den.

pinch_vintage

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Only bad things happen when I drink Fridays from 2-ish to 9:56. No more. I will miss Balk and his cock. Still. I look forward to these next two weeks. And I'm with Ellagood...this means I'll start reading radar.com.
And, well, this doesn't seem like the right time, but I found out today that LOLCait used to.

koala325

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I've been dreading this for some time . . .

You'll always be spinach dip to me.

Hortense de Beauharnais

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Who else would like to see a "I Sucked Up to Balk's Cock and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" t-shirt?

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Conbon: Can I get you a drink or something? I am a little worried about you, although I understand the reason. PTSD..

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @MisterHippity: like when MASH went off the air...I luurved me some Honeycut and Hawkeye

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @IBentMyWookie: Are you making light of the young-adulthood trauma I shared on this site recently?

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @the cajun boy: you are a dirty, dirty cock aren't you? Heeee! more!

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> This is like when George Clooney left ER, only 10 times worse.

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Conbon: This sort of thing worsens with age. then you become Basil Fawlty...like me.

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> It makes perfect sense: They were missing a loud mean-spirited cunt who misses the forest for the trees every single time.

But I mostly kid. Mostly. He has cracked me up many a time. Just watch out for Maer between roughly two and five pm. That's when all the pills are at war.

Ian Spiegelman

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @BalknChain: heh heh...you said "wormhole."

the cajun boy

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I am sincerely upset by this. When Doree left, sad as I was, I admit I thought, "at least it's not Balk. He'll never leave me."

Should we all seek help?

caustin

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> No waaaay. Terrible announcement. DO NOT WANT!!!!!1!

swedish fish jr.

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theblues: (In Jon Lovitz' voice)

Yeah, that's the ticket: the Jewish world government, which has trillions of dollars and owns Radar, stole Balk away from us.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> this is terrible news. not that's he's leaving, but because i have to start reading radar.com now.
you bitch, you.

ellagood

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @epg: Later that night

Someone Who Just Doesnt Get It: What's wrong epg?
epg: Oh I had a shitty day, and then Balk quit.
SWJDGI: What's a Ballkwit?
epg: [resigned] Great googly-moogly.

fin

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Seeräuber Jenny: Yes, it's sad but true, I suppose. Balk is leaving. Which means the Jews have won.

Fuckers.

Jinx

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @the cajun boy: by mess I mean the server wormhole..

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @the cajun boy: just found your reply, what a mess...I believe in equal opportunity...I take my keychain's word's of wisdom very seriously: Mean people suck; nice people swallow...
I know pervy gutter mind, but it's been a bad Gawker day *sigh*

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Fuck. I didn't even get to end my shitty day at work on a shittier note. Now I get to start my shitty Friday night really pissed off.

edwinap

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @BalknChain: my cock welcomes all ogling, but my balls have a tendency to get jealous if they're neglected, just so you know.

the cajun boy

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @atipofthehat:

Then I guess Balk's departure is good for the Jews.

(Steeling self for oncoming depression.)

Seeräuber Jenny

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Geneviere: Yes! On the roof in a swimsuit?!

Also, does Gawker get the Kats in the break up?

Also also, NOOOOOOOO!

Yawn

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @the cajun boy: Now I feel as if I only have your cock to ogle...hold me...

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @jse82: Yeah, I'm cutting it close.
See you and shesaidwhat: tomorrow, I've got the first round.
Shalom.

scarcat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild:

I'm feeling even more lame for using the word lame. (My favorite also....)

whoneedslight

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @irishbreakfast:We'll need some of the lads to help lasso NTJ. Also, I think some good Scotch would help us reason with Balk.

As to this server thing, I really think Denton needs to hire some straight unitelligible Asian dudes in IT because this has been one real pain-in-the-ass, what's with the browser, not again, WTF, week.

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Seeräuber Jenny: Whatever it is it is cold and broken.

It is just so like a dude to breakup just before the weekend so he can go out partying. (sniff sniff hiccup.)

On-- correction--In the other hand, Balk may be leaving but I'm sure his Cock will be back. BC is just sulking because we got a little too excited about Ian McKellen's stage presence yesterday [gawker.com] . All he needs is a few extra strokes.

@jse82: Another Bay Area Balk Sobber

shesaidwhat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Jesus. I come back to see if the server is up, and THIS is what I find? I came back, Balk... won't you?? (shedding small animal tears...)

meerkat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> this is a sad day for phallus bloggers.

the cajun boy

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @scarcat: I'm here for you. Make it to SF and we'll mourn together.
PS- shouldnt like 1/2 of you not be around technology right now?

jse82

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Sir, I think this very cruel of you. To do this to me on a holy day, when I can't drown my sorrows in a glass of Bourbon AND I have to forgive you.
That said jse82: Could you come look for me a few hours after sunset tomorrow ? I will be the one babbling Foxymorons, punctuated with soulfull sighs of "*Balk's cock.*"

scarcat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @NinaHagen: ooh, I didnt know NewtoJezebel was out here. Glad to know I am not the only transplant that misses NY so much they read Gawker obsessively...

jse82

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Conbon: Yes, Balk's last day will be a day for the ages. Ten bucks says he burns down Gawker HQ. And pees on Denton, while maniacally laughing.

ZiggyStardust

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> what...the...fuck.
You guys better be able to find a witty straight guy to replace him. One more female/gay dude and you may as well merge with Jezebel. Plus Josh will get realllllly sick of getting ogled by everyone all day.

HeyThatsMyBike

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @whoneedslight: Agreed. I'm beginning to feel even lamer because it's my favorite place to hang out. (Henceforth, I think my standards are even lower than yours.)

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @jse82: With NewtoJezebel?

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> This really sucks, and today is a dark day indeed, regardless of your IT code monkey's web prowess.

PS: Bring back Oxfeld! Or -- alternately -- if you hired Krucoff, you know he would never leave. Ever.

ZiggyStardust

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @c_webb: and I'm in San Francisco. I'll be drowning my balk-less sorrows from afar...

jse82

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> But seriously folks, who's going to write all the funny posts now?

[/rimshot]

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Strategy A: and keep it amongst ourselves. We invite Balk to a slumber pary--Mathnet? Your house? And then after he passes out from the Manischevitz spritzers with MD 20/20 chasers, we put a pillowcase over his head, transport him to Choire's basement and duct tape a keyboard to his hands (and cock, come to think about it). NewToJezebel is assigned feeding and clean-up duties. Balk is released only after demonstrating sucessful rehabilitation.
HOWL my broken heart

irishbreakfast

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I was reading Radar today (Doctor's office - I am not a total Luddite zombie) and they were on about Oprah, for God's sake. Did you know she's rich? Does Balk know what he's getting into really?

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> please please please tell me they didn't hire your cock too.

brokenface

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @c_webb: I'm in NJ too
I also plan on hitting up some single malt...
DAMN you Balk (insert uncontrollable wailing here)

BalknChain

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> This sucks.

Mackintosh-Typos

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> I'm beginning to feel lame for hanging out at the place where people are just biding their time until they can move on to greener pastures.

Seriously, are my standards too low?

whoneedslight

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild: That was no server crash. It was either an homage to the Sopranos or they just went to Shark Bar and got drunk. Without us.

Curse_of_NursePornstein

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @In Other News...:Even if our leader LolCait didn't have plans to further his education, if he worked for Gawker, we would miss out on his prolific comments. (And wasn't Brad from Brooklyn really Emily, anyway?)

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @c_webb: bourbon tip of the day: use a really big glass. It holds much more, but it's still just "a glass of bourbon."

Get me some I.W.Harper if you see it, please.

atipofthehat

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @LaPretentieuse: He will be so hot.

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> Maybe a virgin sacrifice will help - it worked so well in "Wicker Man."

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @jse82:

It's ok, I'm in Jersey. Urban bourbon still up for grabs.

c_webb

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> fucking fridays.

fileunder

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @Conbon: We all are...

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Alex Balk To Radar]]> @theobviouschild