Please Welcome Alex Pareene - Gawker Comments

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Clarence Rosario — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:20:05 EDT

Way late on this, but is the new Alex is kinda like Landfill #2 in Beerfest?

Clarence Rosario

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

allyzay — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 10:16:54 EDT

alex is too much of a dirtbag to be a gay, guys. a++++ on the bitter charles nelson reilly thing though!!!

signed,
the girlfriend

allyzay

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

cequirk — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 03:11:26 EDT

As long as he leaves all the wonkette commenters in DC. We're all stocked up on crazy here.

cequirk

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

tunamelt — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 20:32:06 EDT

@procrastinator, esq.: I was thinking the same thing... his Facebook pic alone made me assume he was totes gay.

I hope they break up.

tunamelt

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

ellagood — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 20:18:52 EDT

does this mean all the wonkees are coming here?

gawker's gettin' smart with all the inbreeding.

ellagood

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

fileunder — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:47:49 EDT

too insider-y.
(this is excellent - good work)
he's kinda quiet in the comments section at Wonkette - i hope he pipes up some more.

fileunder

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

bodreeyard — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:45:21 EDT

@procrastinator, esq.: Does that mean David Lat was the Gay? If so, those of us who knew him (or of him) in college have been waiting for years for the announcement. Welcome to the Homintern.

bodreeyard

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

AndIAmTellingYou — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:40:17 EDT

I'd be happy to welcome Alex's Peen. May we see it first, please?

AndIAmTellingYou

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

RandomHookup — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:36:22 EDT

Remarkably I searched for the term 'beard' on this thread and didn't find it once. Must still be in the honeymoon phase.

RandomHookup

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

cassandra — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:32:49 EDT

Balk's commenter icon is the only good thing about him leaving.

I admire Gawker's commitment to demographic stability, though. A straight woman for a straight woman! A straight man for a straight man! An eye for an eye! But hopefully not a cock for a cock.

cassandra

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

procrastinator, esq. — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:31:32 EDT

@DorothyMantooth: No. Pareene, god bless him, looks like a bitter, cycnical young Charles Nelson Reilly. You can't look at LOLCait directly in the eyes for fear of being overcome with the vapors, but I have it on good authority he does not look like any Match Game contestant, living or dead.

procrastinator, esq.

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

shesaidwhat — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:03:23 EDT

I think it was a matter of creative freedom. Pareene realized that if he'd written his article about Larry Craig and salmon spawning for Gawker (and I think spawning is a Gawker topic) the editors wouldn't have cut out his puns about "escaping from bears" and "crossing streams." [wonkette.com]

shesaidwhat

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

BinkysDream — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:54:00 EDT

@maggie: Can we just call all the boys Alex, and all the girls Shelia? If so, which Alex is in charge of the sheep dip?

BinkysDream

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

oneninesevenfour — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:50:36 EDT

Damn you. As a loyal Wonkette reader and a complete disloyal resident of the District of Columbia -- this isn't fair!

Can this be like red rover? Can you send some New York ass down this way in exchange? It's like you guys get everything.

oneninesevenfour

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

DorothyMantooth — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:49:53 EDT

@DorothyMantooth: I mean, specifically, here and in that pic of LolCait that I'm not gonna link to because I'm not quite that creepy.
(Almost, though.)

DorothyMantooth

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

DorothyMantooth — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:47:25 EDT

Also, is it just me, or do Pareene & LolCait bear a startling resemblance to one another? This is a serious question.

DorothyMantooth

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

DorothyMantooth — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:44:56 EDT

@TheBigDoggy: This is genius. Welcome, Balkette!

DorothyMantooth

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Pop Socket — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:38:28 EDT

Damn shame you had to go all the way to DC to fill the token straight white guy slot.

Pop Socket

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

sexbot — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:31:13 EDT

@procrastinator, esq.: He's not gay. He's politosexual.

sexbot

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

procrastinator, esq. — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:23:05 EDT

I say this as a loyal Wonkette reader: Pareene isn't gay?

No offense, A.Par, but that picture of you floating around on the internet (you know the one, with your head tossed back mid-laugh and your wrist limped just so) has fueled the public restroom fantasies of a thousand wide-stanced Hill staffers.

procrastinator, esq.

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Goodbye, Commenters! — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:19:00 EDT

@TheBigDoggy:
Can't Balk be replaced by a spunky little kitten?
C'mon, Gakwer Media, you promised....

Goodbye, Commenters!

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

MisterHippity — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:09:38 EDT

These kids today don't know what it means to really work at being funny.

When I was 22, I had to trudge 50 miles through the snow to be funny, telling knock-knock jokes door-to-door.

In fact, that's how the knock-knock joke originated: Back before there were blogs and commenters, we had to go around knocking on people's doors to share our witty japery with others.

But these 22-year-old kids today, they wouldn't know that, would they?

MisterHippity

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Henifer Hropes — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:08:21 EDT

Surely "girlfriend" is code for something else, right? Kind of like Balk and his cock....

Henifer Hropes

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

shanghaibaby — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:03:12 EDT

According to his facebook profile (if it's indeed his) he's interested in Men, Women, Dating, A Relationship, Random Play and Anything I Can Get. Welcome, indeed.

shanghaibaby

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

blogissuchanuglyword — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:03:11 EDT

balk is leaving?? apparently this is old news, but that just ruined my day.

blogissuchanuglyword

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

fivehole — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:02:47 EDT

pareene, how will you squeeze batshit-crazy bachmann jokes in without the political context?
NOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!
who will make fun of the minnesota prudes now?

fivehole

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

TheBigDoggy — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 16:02:44 EDT

All male replacements of Balk, especially those named Alex, should be known in Gawkerland simply as "Balkette."

TheBigDoggy

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

jazzy — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:59:19 EDT

New Alex is good stuff. Nice work stealing him over guys...

jazzy

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Maggie — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:57:36 EDT

this makes getting everyone's names straight so much easier. i hear tell alex 2.0 is a good egg. the phrase "brutal and funny" was used. can't go wrong there.

Maggie

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

BalknChain — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:56:08 EDT

The second cumming of Alex

Oh, sorry. Welcome Alex or is it "Alex" ?

BalknChain

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Itsjustcatnip — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:55:25 EDT

@Conbon: Well I guess we could call him Wonker in light of this, but it would suck to have an old job following you around so just call him Wanker.

Itsjustcatnip

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

PimpMyCouch — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:53:35 EDT

Alex II: Alex Harder

PimpMyCouch

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

sexbot — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:52:59 EDT

Wow. A 22-year-old kid moving to the city to live with his girlfriend and work for a snarky ass media blog? The shit should be on The CW! Episode 1: The Overdose.

sexbot

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Queen of the Passive Aggressives — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:51:37 EDT

@thwarted: Pareene's ween

Queen of the Passive Aggressives

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

square_state — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:51:35 EDT

P@R33N! LOLZ!!!11!!!!!

square_state

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

ellagood — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:48:56 EDT

can collegecallgirl and i have a pic of his girlfriend? k, thanks.

ellagood

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

PandoraSpocks — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:48:29 EDT

Hah! You think he and his GF are gonna find anyplace decent to live in two weeks for less than $5,000 a month? I would love seeing his posts about his search for an apartment, unless he or the GF are trust fund babes.

PandoraSpocks

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

CellWall — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:48:11 EDT

Alex is gone! Long live Alex!

CellWall

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Diglett — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:47:26 EDT

I once met this girl named Karin who told everyone "it's pronounced 'Kar-een'," so I'm thinking maybe NewAlex's IM name should be 'Rhymes With Karin.'

Godfuck I'm tired. Welcome, dude.

Diglett

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

gonzosmom — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:47:02 EDT

As long as the new Alex understands that he has some huge condoms to fill...

gonzosmom

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Rob Murphy — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:45:29 EDT

@all2soon: As a fellow DC-er and longtime Wonkette hanger-outer, I can peronally vouch for Pareene's funny. I'm going to miss the hi-larious team of Pareene-and-Layne over there.

My only complaint -- Pareene didn't use Ana Marie Cox's "ass-fuckting" tag quite enough after she left. He might have to "whip it out" a little more here, tho I doubt such tagged posts will usually be about Jessica "The Washingtonienne" Cutler.

Rob Murphy

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Goodbye, Commenters! — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:41:32 EDT

@Conbon: They had a meeting, but "Wonker" just didn't work for anyone.

Goodbye, Commenters!

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

mitchel_stevens — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:39:45 EDT

omg, a bastion of choire-approved writers?
that means krucoff is totally re-hired!

mitchel_stevens

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

thwarted — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:37:06 EDT

@meerkat: Works for me, as long as there's a cock.

thwarted

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

dado — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:35:24 EDT

Cool, but who is Shelia McClear?

dado

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

FracturedAcetabulum — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:35:20 EDT

But what does Krucoff think of this?

FracturedAcetabulum

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Conbon — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:34:28 EDT

Hi Alex, Bye Alex.

Did Wonkette ever address the fact that there were no girls working there after its founder jumped ship? And that therefore the name was rather misleading? Is bringing this up kinda like doing an open-mic set about how the girls from Hanson are hot?

Conbon

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

the_mayoress — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:32:53 EDT

Pareene's Prostate

the_mayoress

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Goodbye, Commenters! — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:32:06 EDT

@Balk: You've seen one advertisement promising to make your cock bigger, you've seen 'em all. And trust me, NONE OF THEM WORK.

You are forgetting this morning's ass advertisement. That worked for me.

Goodbye, Commenters!

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

mcginstein — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:29:13 EDT

@meerkat: @thwarted: Pareene's Weeeeeeen.
I'm against alliteration, asshats. Also, you have to draw out the 'e.'

mcginstein

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Goodbye, Commenters! — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:28:04 EDT

@LolCait: They won't let so many old folks on the site soon, so live it up!

Goodbye, Commenters!

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

all2soon — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:27:32 EDT

i need this guys commenting history to judge his relevance. the only things I know about DC are their okay newspaper, and underwear parties.

all2soon

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

KarenUhOh — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:27:04 EDT

So, this will not be Gay Pareene, I take it.

KarenUhOh

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Smitros — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:26:57 EDT

Team P(ar)een(e)?

Smitros

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

mark duffy — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:25:42 EDT

Funny guy. Good choice.

mark duffy

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

josh speed — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:25:22 EDT

Welcome shiny new Gawker! You'll be all sooty soon enough. Maybe we can play Scrabulous one day, and no: that's not code for anything nasty.

josh speed

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

LolCait — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:25:11 EDT

@Ms.Smalls: Sorry, Gangster Al was taken by Al Roker after he was victorious in a long knife fight with Katie Couric, many years ago.

Welcome, New Alex. You have big Jews to fill.

LolCait

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

meerkat — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:24:07 EDT

@thwarted:
Pareene's Peen.

meerkat

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

the rzo — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:23:58 EDT

Pareene actually scored me my commenter priviliges. Not that I've really done anything since to make that decision worthwhile for him.

the rzo

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Goodbye, Commenters! — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:23:27 EDT

@Balk: Read the fine print: This penis enlarger ointment must be applied by Emily Gould.

Goodbye, Commenters!

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

BeRightBack — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:23:20 EDT

OMG ALEX AND KEN ARE BREAKING UP NO!!!!!

Ahem. I mean, "Sound choice, Gawker. I look forward to young Pareene's witty japery."

BeRightBack

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

edwinap — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:22:46 EDT

Also: Wonkette has a photo. I should get some work done...

edwinap

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Ms.Smalls — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:22:02 EDT

so he isnt going to be called Alex Balk anymore???? Im so confused. I didnt know he lived in DC, Wow his new name should be Gangster Al cuz I wouldnt even move there. Wowzers.

Ms.Smalls

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

thwarted — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:21:39 EDT

Pareene's Cock?

thwarted

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

A.Twafeletta — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:21:26 EDT

Ohhh, this does take the sting out of Balk leaving, a little.

A.Twafeletta

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Goodbye, Commenters! — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:21:16 EDT

@generalmills: This is Teen Gawker.

Goodbye, Commenters!

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

My Cock — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:20:56 EDT

@Balk: Go fuck yourself.

My Cock

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Balk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:20:25 EDT

@Baberaham Lincoln: You've seen one advertisement promising to make your cock bigger, you've seen 'em all. And trust me, NONE OF THEM WORK.

Balk

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

BK_KT — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:19:26 EDT

Balk, I'm actually really starting to miss you already.

BK_KT

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

edwinap — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:18:59 EDT

@Balk: Muap muap.

edwinap

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

the cajun boy — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:17:41 EDT

@the_mayoress: he's been living in DC for christ's sake. you find a good thing over there and you hold on for gear life!

the cajun boy

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

generalmills — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:17:39 EDT

Jeesh, can I at least get a job at TeenGawker?

generalmills

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

rod — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:17:03 EDT

I hope to have as close a rapport with this Alex as I did the last.

rod

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

the cajun boy — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:16:51 EDT

I KNEW IT!

the cajun boy

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

the_mayoress — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:16:44 EDT

Living with the girlfriend at 22? Good luck with that.

the_mayoress

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

mathnet — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:16:04 EDT

@Baberaham Lincoln: MYPEENBTW

mathnet

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

meerkat — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:15:20 EDT

@ Old Choire Surrounded by Young People.... who's next, Elijah Pollack?

meerkat

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Baberaham Lincoln — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:14:58 EDT

side note : "This is Pareene btw" doens't have the same ring to it...

Baberaham Lincoln

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Baberaham Lincoln — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:11:56 EDT

So he's going to be getting Balk's email for a few weeks, that should be exciting! I hope he posts some of it...

Baberaham Lincoln

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

VenusCloacina — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:11:42 EDT

Maybe they won't get broken into in the new place. I like Pareene, so this assuages (to some extent) my sorrow. TO SOME EXTENT!

Anyway, the next time Radar closes, Balk can go to Wonkette, and it can all be a big ol' daisy chain.

VenusCloacina

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

KarenUhOh — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:11:24 EDT

Well, can we call this one "Alex," or do we have to call him "Balk" also?

KarenUhOh

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

Balk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:10:26 EDT

You suck, Pareene! Bring back - oh, wait.

Balk

Please Welcome Alex Pareene

mathnet — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 15:10:17 EDT

Same e-mail address?

mathnet