<![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions? - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions? - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @iwn2000: Sorry, apparently I don't know how to link to images properly. I'm not going to try to do it again, it wouldn't be funny at this point.

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> the next person who feels it necessary to strike up a conversation with me on a subway. I think my prison name will be Spike.

oh, and everyone in times square.

trainedmonkey

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Wouldn't kill anyone. They might end up being eternally pleasured by houris, while I'd be sharing a cell with Conrad Black.

EnviousJuno

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Lori Drew.

Seeräuber Jenny

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> This is where I point out that New York state does not have the death penalty either. So if you want to off the ConEd biller, etc feel free to do it in the city.

PeteyNice

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @larrydarrell: I busted one of those; the guy was yapping on his cell after the flight attendant told him to get off the phone. He mentioned the name of one of my customers in a derogatory manner, not having a clue who could have been listening. When we landed, I introduced myself, expressed interest in his product, got his card, and then told him he was trashing one of my accounts. Priceless.

Sargasm

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @A_Mere_Wisp_of_a_Lad: Awww ... even THEM?

[www.ultimatedisney.com]

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Anyone who feeds, is concerned for, or otherwise defends pigeons.

Uncle Ruckus

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Anyone and everyone who has ever picked up the phone when I've called Bank of America customer service

transomist

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> oh yeah, people who talk on cell phones in public places (trains, restaurants, starbucks); especially those who think nothing of using every type of profanity and racial/religious epithet as every second word.

larrydarrell

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> trouble, in hopes of a good NYP headline

tartufo

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @fiveinchtaint: I got the joke. It's an issue that stirs up lots of murderous rage, is all.

Ack

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> The kids who threw firecrackers in the sewers in the middle of the night back when I lived in Morningside. Never heard anything so loud in my life.

hotmethodist

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> occasional even

blix

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @RocketSurgeon: Although I do enjoy the occassional "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" and "Little Bunny Foo-Foo". Must be the pre-school hand jive involved.

blix

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Ack: Feisty. Perhaps it wasn't apparent, but that was a play on the corny pick-up line "If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" In other words, funny joke! Not so much?

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @blix: Also doting mommies and aunties who have the kid sing the ABCs repeatedly and tell him how smart he is. [we were stuck on the tarmac in St. Louis for 3hrs. I am still mad 2 years later.]

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Michael Jahn: Your friend is my hero.
@fiveinchtaint: If by "compliment my physique" you mean "make an unwelcome comment about my body" and by "hold accountable" you mean "shove my foot up your ass," then yes.

Ack

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> And anyone who lets kids sing "The Wheels on the Bus" in public places.

blix

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Malcolm Gladwell. Thin-sliced. It would be a quick kill.

blix

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> don't TASTE me??

lefty

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> People who eat smelly egg-cheese-n-sausage McBarfins on the subways in the morning, filling the car with their nauseous stink, and THEN leave the wrappers and stuff all over their seat.

Also, moms who allow their child to have a "learning moment" by helping them up the subway stairs one at a time while the rest of us slobs are stuck behind her.

Pretty much all my hatred manifests during my subway commute. The rest of the time, I love and would kiss everyone.

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Karl Rove. Never forget.

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> ...oh, Zach Braff...

newyorkese

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Jessica Simpson, Eva Longoria, the cast of High School Musical, TV evangelical preachers, etc.

newyorkese

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> French tourists who leave sugar, napkins, and spilt coffee all over the tables at Starbucks. Dicks who can't lift a toilet seat and then piss with the aim of Prick Cheney. The brilliant minds of MTA and every third passenger on the L train. Suri Cruise, for her own sake.

Is it Monday?

Bos'un's Mate

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @NotAndersonCooper: I wouldn't have agreed with you before last night, when I saw some dude named Wayne Federman doing standup on Comedy Central. He should mow my lawn and pay me $10 because he sucks and should be destroyed.

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Glenn Beck, Larry King, Justin Timberlake.

DaeSu

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> The "don't taste me bro" guy.

NeverEnough

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @RocketSurgeon:
All Comedians. Except....Nope, no exceptions. Time to start over.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> kevin bacon.

nikaoh

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Unfun:

I don't want to see Lola on CNN dead, just slapped. Hard.

DaeSu

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Wait how does one detect a miscalculation on a Con Ed bill? Do you actually read your own meter?

vulturesquadron

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> People who correct obvious typos because they can't bear the thought of anyone thinking they're less than brilliant.

j.blo

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> If anyone is looking for me I'll be offing my douchetard ex on the PATH train this afternoon. Goody goody!

City_Dater

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Unfun: I totally second Gupta. Dude gets on my nerves.

Oh, and Carrot Top. Charity kill - someone should put him out of his misery.

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @fiveinchtaint: YES- the earth-rattling sneezers! Also, people who clip their nails at their desks.

scroll_lock

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Yes I spelled "its" wrong. Such is the extent of my rage.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Lola Ogunnaike, CNN entertainment correspondent. Veronica De La Cruz, CNN internet correspondent. Sanjay Gupta, CNN chief medical Correspondent. Hey CNN, can my ass get it's own correspondent now too?

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @rod: Good one.

Goodbye, Commenters!

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @scroll_lock: Yes - the lion yawn - nice! Also, people who essentially scream at the top of their lungs when they sneeze. "But it's out of my control!" Bullshit. And if you really can't control it, then go to an allergist so I don't crap myself every time you sneeze.

@Ack: If I compliment your physique, will you hold me accountable?

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @iwn2000: Surprising what the tip of an umbrella that accidentally finds its way between the spokes of a rude bicyclist's ride can do. Why hurt your knuckles when the pavement punches so much harder?

And STAY OUT OF MAGGIE'S WAY!!!!

Goodbye, Commenters!

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @scroll_lock: John Fitzgerald Page and Anthony G's wrangler.

scroll_lock

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @scroll_lock: you forgot Paul Janka.

scroll_lock

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> How about Rod Stewart? He bugs me a little. Can he die too?

ginger rant

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Michael Jahn: Agreed. @Conbon: Barely (though what transpired over the phone could not technically be called a "conversation"). He's a gravelly stutterer.

ejjakid6

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> I can't really think of anybody but here goes: Julia, Mandy, Jakob, Super Preppy, Joe Francis, Bill O'Reilly, my former mother-in-law, several former bosses, a lazy co-worker who "lion yawns" all day, people who don't say "excuse me" when they run right into you, those who monopolize gym machines, self-absorbed parents of bratty kids, and people screaming into cell phones.

scroll_lock

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Ack: I used to have a woman friend who carried a water pistol loaded with piss for just such occasions.

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Also men who think its okay to make gross commments to me on the street for whatever reason - the mood hits, they're feeling horny, whatevs.

Ack

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Michael Jahn: Mailer is from Long Branch. Or was. Before Smails killed him.

@ejjakid6: Can he form a sentence in conversation? Or is the affliction pandemic?

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> SO many places to go with this. I'll have to start with people who bring strollers - usually with their kids in them - into bars. On Friday or Saturday nights.

Ack

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @PandoraSpocks: Hell you might even get elected for being tough in crime.

Itsjustcatnip

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @ejjakid6: she keeps going the way she is, the only thing bigger than her smile will be her butt and there would be no cell big enough.

BTW, Dunkin' Donuts coffee blows.

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Conbon: They try.

Hey look, if you're in Jersey who needs a prison?

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> People, People. The only place to commit murder is your nation's capital, Washington D.C. There are at least 9 law enforcement agencies with cross-jurisdictions, no death penalty, they lose prisoners all the time, and there's a 75-80% chance you'll never even go to trial! [www.examiner.com]

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> RACHAEL RAY - that woman should be put in solitary confinement.

ejjakid6

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @Conbon: @TheHonJudgeSmails: I've spoken to both of them on the phone before. Good times.

ejjakid6

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> I would kill everyone in the state of New Jersey with no exceptions. Then, I'd repopulate it with a small army that would fend off New York from intruders from Flyover States.

eastvillageidiot

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> The subject of every Gawker piece?

ThatFiestyOne

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Award-winning authors best stay the fuck out of Jersey.

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> @wonky: I would amend that to read: People who think riding a bicycle in New York gives them the magical right to ignore red lights and slice directly through dense crowds of pedestrians. Also, people who bring their bicycles on the Subways during rush hour. Like, you've already got your bike, Mr. Tight Shorts, why the f*** are you on the train?!?!?!1?

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Fucking everybody?

Mr. Kim Gordons Panties

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> I would kill no one.

rod

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> PEOPLE WHO RIDE BICYCLES IN NEW YORK AND SAY MOFO

buyamerican

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> How about:

1) people who walk straight into you to board the subway, even though (a) they're supposed to wait for everyone to get off and (b) you're right fucking there in front of them, and

2) Jonathan Franzen, for being such a dipshit.

Moff

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Norman Mailer.

Oh.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Cormac McCarthy.

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> People with baby strollers (in any location). Uggs and Crocs wearers. Bill O'Reilly.

Monstrosa

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> starting today all you'll get for it is a roof over your head and three square meals a day for the rest of your life

You're forgetting the anal cavity searches, the lack of an outside world, and never being able to actually own anything without fear of it being confiscated.

But I'm sure the food is great, and you meet a lot of wonderful people.

relunctant entity

]]> <![CDATA[Who Would You Bump Off Now That New Jersey's Banned Executions?]]> Ha! Spot on with the sidewalk remark, Maggie. May I add:
1) Those who walk more than two abreast anywhere, anytime.
2) Those who ride on the left of the escalator.
3) Anyone who sprints through Grand Central (although they should just a good clotheslining).
4) Rosie.

fiveinchtaint

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