<![CDATA[Faces of Death - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Icy roads, eh? Careful and not let Matthew Broderick behind the wheel, again.

Meanwhile, it's 75 degrees here, so I am encouraging Margot Kidder to strip down to her bikini and wander into a nice, spacious backyard to take a nap and maybe eat some dandelions.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> I'm out of here for the day. Must go contend with icy roads...

This reminds me of the time I took Wendy O. Williams out in the woods for a little target practice.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I thought the same thing after I insisted Tracey Gold and I watch it.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Remember that time I showed Terry Schiavo my favorite episode of Diff'rent Strokes, you know, the one where Kimberly gets bulimia and eats a whole cake and threw up afterward? I'm thinking maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I know, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here! Can we arrange for Paris and JA to taunt a tiger at the SF zoo?

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: @scroll_lock: I'm definitely double dipping lately. We need more tragic and/or unusual celebrity deaths! Not literally, of course, although I volunteer Paris Hilton to get eaten alive by her chihuahuas.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Totally. Or like the time I told all those followers of the People's Temple in Jonestown that Cherry was the best flavor, but in a pinch, Grape is tasty enough.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Edgar Rosenberg it was his fault Joan Rivers' show was cancelled.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Gwen's nothing special- she's just a girl.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when I told John Spence there was No Doubt that Gwen Stefani already had a boyfriend.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I innocuously told Edgar Allan Poe, "Come on, one more drink's not gonna kill you."

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: That's just like the time I mentioned to Brad Delp how sad he must be that his band Boston's heyday was long over.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is also similar to that time when I convinced the producers of Hart's War to cut Jonathan Brandis' pivotal scene, and also around the same time I gave Jonathan a nylon rope for his birthday.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is also just like the time I told Kathy Griffin that she should practice her making-vicious-and-cruel-fun-of-celebrit... routine on her Suddenly Susan castmate, David Strickland, since he seemed to have such thick skin.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like the time I told Anderson Cooper's brother that Anderson was their mother Gloria Vanderbilt's favorite son.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This reminds me of the time I suggested Amy Winehouse take a beach house for the summer with Kate Moss, Pete Doherty, Courtney Love, Keith Richards and Jeff Conaway.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like the time I entered Totie Fields in the New York Marathon.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I remember that, she said her mother forgot her eyeglasses.

This reminds me of the time I told Nicole Brown Simpson to buy a condo with a nice private courtyard entrance.

scroll_lock

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Marilyn Monroe she should consider going public with news of her threesome with the Kennedy brothers.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Unfortunately, this was also around the same time I had been training Gavrilo Princip for skeet shooting.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Archduke Franz Ferdinand to take his lovely wife Sophie on a romantic weekend getaway in Sarajevo.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Or like the time I took Denise Brown to a birthday lunch at Mezzaluna and gave her a lovely scarlet-colored set of Isotoner gloves?

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told John Geoghan that cell doors in prison are routinely left unlocked.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I asked Robert Kardashian to throw away a big knife I found in Brentwood.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Or like the time I told James Frey a little embellishment would make his book more interesting.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Kind of like the time I gave Tim McVeigh directions to the fertilizer store.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I loaned a golf club to Michael Skakel.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like that time I told Ann Woodward I thought I heard a prowler in the house.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like the time I loaned a ladder to Bruno Hauptmann.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is exactly like the time I told Maurice Gibb he probably had gas.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Pat Tillman he should really do something with himself and join the military.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like the time I suggested Jessica Savitch try a nice romantic dinner at a restaurant on the Delaware River.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like that time I gave Jack Cassidy a Baccarat ashtray for his night table.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I invited Donda West over to watch a Nip/Tuck marathon.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This reminds me of the time I invited Ying Ruocheng over for liver and onions.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Vitas Gerulaitis' grieving family appeared on the Oxygen Network.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like the time I dressed down Shannon Hoon and R. Kelly for their piss-poor attitudes.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Conor Clapton to take a look out the window to see the pretty trees. Who knew it was open?

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Thank you for the compliments from a master!

This is like the time I told Jean-Paul Marat to take a nice, long bath and relax a little bit.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I asked Ted Kennedy, Jr. to be my partner in a three-legged race.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like when I invited Shari Lewis over for a nice Easter rack of lamb.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Reminds me of the time I suggested Bob Crane and I go clubbing.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is so much like when I asked Anita Hill to get Clarence Thomas a can of Coke.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: HA! AND a Kimberly Bergalis reference, too! You are the undisputed King of the Obscure.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Betty Shabazz to be more of a homebody, and suggested to her grandson it would be a nice thing to do to build a fire for his grandmother on a cold winter's evening.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Marie Curie she was positively glowing.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This reminds me of when I encouraged Catherine the Great to be more attentive to her horses.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is totally like the time I told Kimberly Bergalis it looked like she had a cavity.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Wow, just like the time I told Amelia Earhart that Howland Island was not to be missed.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: The Robert Kennedy one.
-
This is like the time in 1967 when John McCain's travel agent told him that "VietNam is lovely this time of year."

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: the reply thingy isn't working right now for me to tell which one you referred to. Which one were you thinking of last night?

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Siegfried reminded Roy that he was really more of a dog person.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: I was thinking about that one last night. Well-done.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Jimi Hendrix forgot to buy Pepto-Bismol.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Also, your Great White, Selena, and Butterfly McQueen ones could not have been better.

This is just like the time I told Lauren Bessette she should catch a lift with her brother-in-law on his plane.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is not unlike the time I showed Bobby Kennedy a shortcut through a hotel's kitchen.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like when I took Joan Kennedy to happy hour to celebrate her sobriety.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is so much like the time I told Freddie Prinze he'd never top Chico and the Man.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: THAT is incredibly good! How did you know I was trying to remember Jon-Erik's name, too!

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: My psychic friend:

Image of theobviouschild BY THEOBVIOUSCHILD AT 02/11/08 05:37 PM

This is like the time Brandon Lee and Jon-Erik Hexum simultaneously regretted getting vasectomies.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is exactly like the time I told Brandon Lee I'd checked the prop gun to be sure there were blanks inside.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I convinced Jennifer O'Neill to carry a handgun for protection.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Dick Cheney he'd be a better shot without his glasses on.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told John Fitzgerald Page to try internet dating.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I played "Marco Polo" in the pool with Helen Keller.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is too much like the time I told John Wayne Gacy that he could earn a little cash appearing at kids' parties as a clown.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is also like the time I told Abigail Folger she should accept Sharon Tate's offer of a sleepover.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Your Chris Benoit, Anne Frank and Nell Carter ones officially killed me. I was trying to come up with a Nell Carter yesterday when I was forced to stop too soon.

This is exactly like the time I told Dick and Perry there was a farmer in Kansas who kept a lot of cash in his house.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I dared Ryan White to get a blood transfusion, just for shits and giggles.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Like that time I cut Kate Moss's coke with drywall dust.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when John Candy ate his weight in his name.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when fans told Janis Joplin she was their heroine.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when Bo told John Derek it was fine by her if he went by the local high school to ogle the girls in their late spring miniskirts.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is worse than when Stephen King named his kids Carrie and Cujo.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Chris Benoit to ditch the wife and kids and just hang loose for awhile.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I got Woody Harrelson's dad a DVD of Judge Dredd, a signed autograph of Judge Reinhold, and a guest spot on a Mike Judge movie, for Father's Day.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> ...or when Eddie Vedder wrote Immortality in honor of Woody Allen.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when William Shakespeare first noticed the walking shadows cast by poor players in the local rugby games at dusk.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Caroline John-John was okay flying at night, in the fog.

paco

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Take it from Anne Frank: she should get a self-cleaning oven.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I mentioned in passing to Sylvia Plath that her oven could use some deep cleaning.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when Anne Boleyn simultaneously committed adultery, incest, witchcraft and treason while Henry VIII was watching.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> I seed G-D is reverting to his 'Old Testament' sense of humor.

HiredGoons

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I suggested to Jesus to try a little public speaking.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: It's Lolcait's.. and it's spectacular (and yours is a well-done homage)!

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This reminds me of the time when I told Sonny Bono the black diamonds were a piece of cake.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I took Anne Frank on a date to see Flowers In The Attic and The Nanny Diaries. And then out to dinner at a brick oven pizzeria.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> To borrow and repurpose a well-loved Foxymoron, with apologies to its originator (LOLCait? ObviousChild? MisterHippity?):

This is like the time I took Bindi Irwin to see a Sting concert, followed by a midnight showing of Ray.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Lyndh. I think? He's sort of disappeared from public consciousness. He's like the Taliban version of Mindy Cohn.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like that time I encouraged John Walker Lynde to be open to new religions.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Great White their act would be so much better with pyrotechnics.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Almost like that time when I gave ted bundy the number of my favorite escort service.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is a lot like the time I raved about "Our American Cousin" and absolutely insisted that Abe and Mary see it. The President wanted to see "Mamma Mia!", but I told him he'd be remiss not to see the show while it was at Ford's. Huh.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is sort of like that time I told that kid in tianeman square that tanks always stop for pedestrians.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Spalding Gray to take a long walk off a short pier.

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I convinced Julius and Ethel Rosenberg to play Truth or Dare with Roy Cohn.

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I watched Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Duel with Alexander Hamilton.

LolCait

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is somewhat less like the time Monica Lewinsky suggested that Nancy Kerrigan wear knee pads.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Marc Cohn tells me it's also very much like the day when Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr. went Walking in Memphis.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the day when Malcolm X almost went to the Audubon Society instead of the Audubon Ballroom.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when Cheyenne Brando called me from Tahiti to say it was 'just another shitty day in paradise.'

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Or like the time I encouraged Selena to be more accessible to her burgeoning fan club.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when Ted Bundy said he wished his sister was as hot as Christina Applegate.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when I tried selling home-cooked vegan meals door to door to Jeffrey Dahmer.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Weird!

Almost as weird as the time I recommended that Vince Foster take a drive and check out Fort Marcy Park to get his mind off of things.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the Summer of Sam when I bought up all the blonde hair dye in New York City and sold it at three times the price.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Robert Blake asked me if I knew any good Italian restaurants in Los Angeles.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is totally like the time I gave one of those "In an Emergency, Dial 911" refrigerator magnets to Kitty Genovese's grieving parents.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Holy mind-meld, Batman!

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Or the time I told Tupac "Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: And, eerily, it also reminds me of the time I encouraged Tupac Shakur to be more free-wheeling and ride around with the windows open to get fresh air.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This reminds me of the time I told Biggie Smalls' driver he should always stop at red lights.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Nell Carter she should skip her insulin shot and join me for a pancake-eating contest at IHOP.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Or the time when Phil Spector and I were shooting skeet togther. Nobody bothered to tell Lana where we were.

FracturedAcetabulum

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Like when I tried to friend Megan Meier

FracturedAcetabulum

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This makes me feel really bad about the time I told Ian Curtis he wasn't goth enough.

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> In hindsight probably shouldn't have given Nick Berg's family a Hummel figurine of Ichabod Crane at the wake.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Yeah, she really sapped the last drop of graciousness and patience from me.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @louisev: Bye. No one will miss you or your "sense" of "humor," which clearly decamped ages ago.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: By now I guess the rest of Ledger's fans have deregistered at Gawker, I'm about five minutes behind them. Offended?what do you think????

louisev

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: IMHO, this can't compare to the legendary (and still-breathing!) Foxymorons, but it is fun for now.

My apologies; I assumed that 'reply' function thing actually worked:

This is like the time I took Marianne Pearl to see a double-feature of The Other Boleyn Girl and Marie Antoinette.

Yet this is far less tactless than Prince serenading John F. Kennedy with "U Need Another Lover Like U Need A Hole in Yo Head.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Which is even more like the time i told Mama Cass to forget her kosher diet because ham is so damn TASTY

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time i got drunk and only half screwed in the donalds helicopter blades

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: It keeps sending me to the top of the post. Which Heath Barbs are these? (Heath Barbs? Can it compare to Foxymoron?) Remind me of people/method of death.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @louisev: I did try earlier on, to redirect this chat to another thread (the previously mentioned Foxy Brown one), but everybody stayed.

Truly, there is zero disrespect intended here, and I'll offer my personal apologies if any is erroneously inferred.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @louisev: That reminds me of the time last week when Heath Ledger's maid tried to sell me all these bottles of Klonopin, Ambien and Xanax with the prescriptions stickers scratched out.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.:

@procrastinator, esq.:
and
@theobviouschild:

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Keith Moon thought the drugs would enhance his perception of the lunar eclispse.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: uh sure thanks for the explanation, but after the paps finished Lindsay-Lohanizing Heath Ledger and the Phelpses traumatized the family with threats I would have thought the Gawkerites would be just a leeetle bit classier and picked a different thread for the bash. He was buried two days ago for chrissakes. RIP Heath.

louisev

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Which comments?

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: @theobviouschild:

I think our comments may be bookends in this study of extremes.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @louisev: Sorry, you wandered into one of the long-standing Gawker traditions: the marathon comment-fest. (You can look up the Foxy Brown thread if you're interested in seeing some history.) This has zero to do with what this post was originally about and it's just a free-association bash, clever and silly and tasteless and fun. There is no 'significance.'

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Yet this is far less tactless than Prince serenading John F. Kennedy with "U Need Another Lover Like U Need A Hole in Yo Head."

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I just didn't find it funny dude. She's shooting a scene in a film, it isn't like she just HAPPENED to be walking past a skeleton - it was scripted. Thus all the situationally ghoulish irony just leaks out like it was never there in the first place, see?

louisev

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Marilyn Monroe she might want to check out the vitamins and natural supplements aisle at Whole Foods instead.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> It's also just like the time I told Johnny Gosch to wake the fuck up because he was late for his paper route.

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I invited Natalie Holloway to go nightswimming with my friend the Iranian coke dealer.

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Please tell me you got the Lee/Hexum reference.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @louisev: What are you doing on Gawker?

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Brandon Lee and Jon-Erik Hexum simultaneously regretted getting vasectomies.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: This is like the time Rebecca Gayheart's impatience was ruled to be worth more than a 9-year-old boy's life.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> I'm desperately trying to find something funny about Michelle going back to shooting her film after her toddler lost her daddy, but color me humorless.

louisev

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Yet almost as sad as the time Bill Graham took me to that weekend workshop on helicopter safety.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is also like the time I rolled up my sleeve, flexed, and asked Kurt Cobain if he had tickets to the gun show.

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> However, this is somewhat less expensive than all the times Anna Nicole Smith came over to borrow a heaping cup of Methodone.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I gave driving lessons to Laura Bush, Matthew Broderick and Brandy.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is very much like the time I told Nicole Brown Simpson that once you go black, you never go back.

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Of course, I was never quite the same after the time when I was twelve and R. Kelly told me he liked my younger sister better.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Also eerily similar to the time Elvis Presley wished he had a bidet.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time John Belushi fell asleep listening to Eric Clapton's Cocaine via headphones.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> also like the time i told Aaliya that you can never pack too much.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Which is of course just like the time I told Michael Vick the ASPCA was desperate for loving homes.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Funniest thread ever. You people are sick!

mysweetmango

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I played freeze tag with Terry Schiavo.

sexbot

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I offered to retile the bathrooms of the families of the astronauts of the Space Shuttle Columbia.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: I should go too! Billable hours await. Reconvene later to discuss the time I suggested that Isabella Blow not go to the trouble and expense of hiring a landscaper and just buy some delicious weedkiller instead?

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Butterfly McQueen a good way to warm up in winter months is with a kerosene space heater.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I have to go now! Can't wait to see what else you devise.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is so much like the time I assured Roy Horn he could trust that white tiger with his life.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I gave Tennessee Williams a bottle of Visine.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Much like the time I told Madeleine McCann she should play hide and seek from her parents when they got back to their hotel room.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I passed Mohammed Atta through security at the Portland International Jetport because he seemed like such a stand-up guy.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I didn't mean to bump their car with my white Fiat Uno. I was in a hurry.

Just like when I asked Kurt Cobain to show me how to clean my shotgun. Whoops! Who knew it was loaded?

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is most certainly like the time I suggested to JonBenet Ramsey that she go down into the basement and check out my rope collection.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Chandra, too.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Or like time I suggested Chadra Levy take a midnight shortcut through Rock Creek Park on her way home from Gary Condit's house.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like when I advised Steve Irwin that stingrays are best viewed from directly above.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Funny, because earlier I'd insisted on buying Henri Paul seven shots of tequila.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Like when I told Diana and Dodi that taking the tunnel shortcut would throw off the paps.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: That's what I told Governor Connally, too.

I also told Minnie Riperton that breast exams were for wusses.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Or like the time I dragged Mama Cass to that yummy sandwich place.

Hez

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told John Edwards he should buy his son a Jeep for his 16th birthday.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I suggested Benazir Bhutto put the sunroof down since it was so nice and warm out.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Gawker commenter CuttingMakesYouSexy wrote fan mail to Owen Wilson.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Kindred spirits!

Just like the time I sent Chris Farley a hooker and some drugs as a joke.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Holy shit. I was just going to write a Karen Carpenter being fat one.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like when I told Karen Carpenter her jeans made her ass look big.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @paco: That's like when I introduced Andrew Cunanan to Gianni Versace.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Somebody's on a Lisa Beamer kick today!

Just like when I gave Tim McVeigh a map of downtown Oklahoma City.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Paul Wellstone, too. Except that I told him not to worry about the people he said were going to kill him.

paco

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This reminds me of the time I offered to give Lisa Beamer a ride to work and I said, "let's roll."

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Lynyrd Skynyrd, too.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I suggested David Halberstram try the Dumbarton Bridge, since the San Mateo Bridge was so backed up.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Or like the time I told Dale Earnhardt that seat belts were for pussies.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: So did Ricky Nelson.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Ritchie Valens concurred.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: @procrastinator, esq.: Much like the time I told Patsy Cline that small private planes were a much faster way to get home after her concert. After all, that's what Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper told me.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> You people are all sick f*cks. I'm there for you Michelle, call me.

brettburton

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I insisted that John Jacob Astor IV try the White Star Line, instead of those halfwits at Cunard.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Oh.My.God.
Just like the time I made out with Elie Wiesenthal in the movie theater during Schindler's List.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I gave Mary Jo Kopechne a swimming lesson.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I insisted that Payne Stewart fly, rather than drive, to his next event because it would be so much faster.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is just like when I loaned Richard Pryor my Dad's Zippo lighter.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I took Marianne Pearl to see a double-feature of The Other Boleyn Girl and Marie Antoinette.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I gave John Ritter some Tums for his indigestion pains.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> I never should have told Syd Barrett that the brown tabs were the best ones.

paco

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: That was his date with Rock Hudson, as I recall. Or was it Liberace?

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I assured Freddie Mercury that he was safe without a condom as long as he took a shower right afterwards.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I told Jim Henson that his cold was no big deal.

paco

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I gave Charlize Theron's mother the same gift for Mother's Day!

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> It's even more like the time I photographed Courtney Love in front of some spilled monkey brain soup.

Steverino

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I photographed Markie Post in front of a Claes Oldenburg syringe.

Steverino

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time I got Marvin Gaye a Father's Day gift certificate to a shooting range.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Queen Elizabeth II offered to put up Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, at the Ritz Hotel for a couple nights, complete with a chauffered Mercedes.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: This is like the time I was in a time crunch, so I took a helicopter ride over to Vic Morrow's funeral.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Like when I dissuaded James Dean from buying that nice, sensible Chevy sedan he was eyeing and told him his image demanded something sportier.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Just like when Heath Ledger bummed some Ambien from me. He said he was dying for a good night's sleep.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like that time I took a picture of Gene Wilder staring at a pair of breasts.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Or like the time I told Suzanne Pleshette that quitting smoking would take away her trademark husky voice and would be disastrous for her career.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Much like the time I told George Reeve to prove Superman could stop a speeding bullet.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Right, and then they served hanger steak. Bad form.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Yeah. I did tell Dana Plato she should take some Soma for her insomnia and some Vicodin for her back pain.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I found it unseemly how many hangers-on were loitering outside the funeral home.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: That was around the time I was giving Lee Harvey Oswald a ride to weekly target practice in Dallas. There was a nice, grassy park where I'd wait for him.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I know I'm triple-dipping on the Kennedys on this thread, but it's stastically impossible not to.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Maybe. I get confused. I do know the impromptu game of Hangman at the wake was not to be missed.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Rose Kennedy did flew a warplane, flew a small plane over France, rode a convertible, got a lobotomy, stopped into a hotel kitchen, drove drunk over a bridge in Massachusetts, got into a little skiing mishap, date raped somebody in Palm Beach, flew another small plane, and then endorsed Barack Obama.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: I thought it was You Keep Me Hangin' On ?

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Very much like when I told Anna Nicole Smith that a trip to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel was too good to pass up.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> Or like the time the band Lifehouse played Hanging By A Moment at Michael Hutchence's funeral.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Or like the time I asked Virginia Woolf if she wouldn't mind holding on to these lovely stones I picked up in the woods.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like every waking moment of Danielynne Smith-Birkhead's life.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: Or when I was all excited to show Sylvia Plath my new Viking range.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @scroll_lock: Right, or when I offered Dennis Quaid some Heparin to calm his nerves down a little.

procrastinator, esq.

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: That was nice of you. Almost as nice as when I took Eric Clapton out to look at replacement windows for my house, just to get his mind off things.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> This is like the time Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopez ran over my son and I told her karma was a bitch.

transomist

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @theobviouschild: Ha! I was thinking this is like the time Aaliyah said she was Leaving On A Jet Plane!

DorothyMantooth

]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]> @procrastinator, esq.: How could you have known? It's like the time I told Andy Kaufman his cough was probably just a cold.

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]]> <![CDATA[Faces of Death]]>