<![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> He sounds like a real Britney Spears in the making.

famousauthor

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Then, perhaps, after coating your body in all-natural, unrefined molasses you bought at the corner health-food store, you run naked down the sun-dappled street, as a sudden gust of wind coats your body in a cloud of dogwood petals. Then, as your female neighors watch in awe, your manwood would gradually become engorged, slowly, pulsingly pointing the way to freedom and happiness for all humankind.

And would you be arrested for this? No, for the good, kind women of this community would understand your excitement over their awe-inspired reaction to our dogwood-pedal-bespangled nudity, and would smilingly reassure you, "It's ok, Cary. Don't be afraid, Cary. We understand, Cary. Point the way, Cary! Point the way to spiritual nirvana for us all!"

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Sounds like Sex and the City Manhattan.

demetria23

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @Gereizt: Who doesn't? I thought that was why we were here.

adminslave

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @RocketSurgeon: argh and the smell of microwaved fish or nuked Indian food. In case you were wondering I hate my job too.

Gereizt

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @hypocriteoath: I am moving to Montreal as soon as possible.

nutmeg

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @sinnesloeschen: I know I know... but you know what I'm getting at, right?

@BettyCrocker: oh, ok. I am an ex-bostonian who hates Boston and an ex-CT coaster who hates that place as well. now you better understand my disdain for LI. Places I do like: Portland OR, Portland ME, Montreal, Vancouver, NOLA. they don't have to be HUGE or even that great but I am not a fan of areas that exist b/c of other areas... the burbs. Boston doesn't exist b/c of anything else but please don't get me started on what is wrong with that city.

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> It's days like this that I'm so grateful to be living in my solar-powered, electronically-commutable, wild watercress-growing Supertopia.

Now, I'll just summon my shirtless manservants with the ostrich-plume fans to chase the panhandlers off of the Nature Path so I can take my afternoon jog or cycle.

waywardgirl

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @BettyCrocker: Somehow, paraphrasing that part was hard for me.

adminslave

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @adminslave: Was that last word originally "kthnxbai"? Because that would make sense.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> I've been reading his column for a few years now, and frankly, it would make more sense if he quoted Wallace Stevens verbatim: "Dear Living the American Dream: Sombre as fir-trees, liquid cats moved in the grass without a sound. They did not know the grass went round. The cats had cats and the grass turned gray. P.S. Remember the cry of the peacock. Kaibai."

adminslave

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @hypocriteoath:

Two words: Kidz Bop.

number six

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @hypocriteoath: The crud is easily avoided, and as for the people - well, some of them are the crud. They're easily avoided, too. Having done extensive travel around the country, I have to say that the only places I liked as much were coastal Connecticut and Boston.

Other places were pretty, and the people friendly, but they were all too far from the ocean and NYC.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @sinnesloeschen: so you mean pop hits?

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Children's renditions of current pop hits.

number six

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> People who stand 2-across on escalators.

nutmeg

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Fine, but raw carrots still blow. I never know when to stop chewing.

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @Clare: So we're putting "grandma" under "hate" for you? Cool. Yeah mine's Polish, so I don't like her cookies but damn are her pierogi good.

SchmatSchmaymon

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> i luv my grandma 2
mom not so much

if_i_only_had_a_heart

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @MattGaymon: @fiveinchtaint: At least your grandmoms cook. Mine doesn't, and she's my only living grandparent. She's selfish and demanding and she'll live to be 120.

@mathnet: The lumpy, whole-berry kind is gross, but I love the jellied kind on a turkey sandwich. Yum.

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @mathnet: See, now we're in a fight because cranberry sauce is good. The gelatinous kind in a can and the fancy chunky sauce with orange rind that fancy ladies make--I enjoy them both.

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @MattGaymon: So did my grandma. Once she made a whole tin of them for me while I was at camp. And I ate every one I didn't share because I just couldn't throw them away. Now I miss her. Sniff.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Cranberry sauce sucks!

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @BettyCrocker: sure, there are nice THINGS there and neighborhoods that most people would love to grow old in [not me] but the fact of the matter is that you have to drive through the rest of long island to get anywhere, which is, brutal at best.
The second fact of the matter is that LI is the burbs. or hempstead. it is the beach playground for the rich [not true residents] and an overcrowded, disgusting mix of people who think their poop doesn't stink. it does. Now obviously all of this isn't EXACTLY true and at times overstated and ALL of the people there aren't awful and there are really nice areas but... COME ON! IT'S LONG ISLAND. There are nice parts to Staten Island too but I would never ever want to actually live there. or Westchester County for that matter. There's a lot of nice, but there's a lot of crud and it's not even a CITY!

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @Clare: I hate the smell of microwave buttered popcorn

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @Clare: I love coconut, but I hate applesauce, makes me gag. Also, @fiveinchtaint: my grandma puts walnuts in her chocolate chip cookies, and I hate it! But I love her too much to say anything.

SchmatSchmaymon

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> "your wife, who is conducting a seminar on Chaucer in the living room."

Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Storming the Floor

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Shit We Hate? Can I play too?

I hate humid weather, coconut, and being hung over.

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @fiveinchtaint: Honestly!

nutmeg

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @BettyCrocker:

Like vanilla and lavender:

[www.loving-long-island.com]

Dickdogfood

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @nutmeg: Yes!! There was a walnut in my brownie once and I literally gagged. Why? Who likes that?

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @nutmeg: Like Ten-nis? Iz cunfyoozd.

@CodePink: Exactly. Old shirt. Really lame collar. Feels late 90's. Stain on the sleeve. One odd button. Really didn't put in the effort today.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @fiveinchtaint: @CodePink: @mathnet: Welcome to this week's instalment of: Shit We Hate

Raisins or nuts in bread-based food.

nutmeg

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @hypocriteoath:

[www.oldwestburygardens.org]

Not stinky.

[www.nassaumuseum.com]

Not close to stinky.

[www.tellerschophouse.com]

Seriously not stinky.

[www.nassaucountyny.gov]

Iz prty gr8, ackshuly.

[www.bistrocitron.com]

FTW!

[www.nybeachhomes.com]

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @fiveinchtaint: @CodePink: I hate my shirt and marzipan and anise and his last name and his eyebrows and raw carrots!

mathnet

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @fiveinchtaint: I HATE marzipan. And anise. Ugh. What's your shirt? End of the week, nothing left to wear lame-wadness? I actually like my shirt today!

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @CodePink: You know what else I hate? His avatar's eyebrows. And marzipan. And the shirt I'm wearing today.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> After the Chaucer seminar, the guy and his wife will argue about who has to walk the dog on the giant treadmill attatched to the side of their house, and then reprimand their robot maid for not doing the dishes well enough.

swizzard

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @fiveinchtaint: You could always hyphenate.

nutmeg

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @fiveinchtaint: I totally hate his last name.

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @BettyCrocker: I do have extensive LI training [thanks lacrosse!] and that. whole. place. is. stinky.

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> I apologize.

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Then they get in the shower together so he can check out his wife's bath tail.

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @hypocriteoath: Massapequa isn't Locust Valley, and Sayville isn't Levittown. What's great about Lawn Guyland is that if you don't like what you see, you can change the scenery completely in about a 10 minute drive.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> We performed surgery on Chaucer in the kitchen. Then we went to Popeye's. In the Hummer.

KarenUhOh

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> I kinda hate his last name.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> @BettyCrocker: yes, when I think culture I go straight lawn guyland.

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Sometimes, Candace and I lie on our mink fur bed, and discuss our favorite magazine articles of the week, our fingers intertwining like vines on a decrepit wall of a haunted castle where children were slain for their pure, white skins.

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> And maybe you pick some wild watercress on the way and when you get back you make a salad for your wife, who is conducting a seminar on Chaucer in the living room

Wow, Carey. Your dreams are really boring.

Ruutuu

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> This is not servicey: I do believe that suburban living is a form of torture. If you made suspected terrorists live in big suburban houses, they would talk eventually.

The sort of subuurb described is indeed hellish. But then there are places like Long Beach, NY, which is essentially a small city with suburban character on the ocean. Or Huntington, NY, with a thriving art community, jazz clubs, an indie bookstore and seriously fine dining. Such places are there if one knows where to look.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> And maybe you pick some wild watercress on the way and when you get back you make a salad for your wife, who is conducting a seminar on Chaucer in the living room.

"Honey?"

"The hooly martir. . . "

"Honey! I found some wild watercress."

"How wild?"

"I don't know. It's thrashing in the bag."

"That's not watercress. That's a lizard of some kind."

"Holy shit."

relunctant entity

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Umm, i've ready Crazy Cary's column before...I do agree he's stupid and insane, but this is actually not bad for him. Isn't this exactly what's happening to cities right now anyway?

BlissSister

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> I want to hear more about the iimaginary fantasy wife conducting a seminar on Chaucer in the living room. How many eager nubile vixens are in the class? What color are the bra straps? Do they nibble the watercress from the hands of the husband? And which Canterbury Tale are we reviewing today exactly?

Crotty

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Pleasantly crowded?

IHateWhatYouHaveOn

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> What he's describing, of course, is the Others' village on "Lost." Damn that Jack!

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> You lost me at the watercress.

belltolls

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> wild watercress, indeed.

tewkesbury

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> I've never read this guy's column, but that caricature has always freaked me out. My god, he has giant eyes and x's for eyebrows.

VoxPopuli

]]> <![CDATA[Unchecked Cary Tennis Continues Slide Towards Madness]]> Sounds like Manhattan.

Nic Fit

]]>