<![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I thought putting the paper bag made it legally invisible?

spartus620

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> see, this is why I'm glad I live in NORTHERN NY. As in almost Canada.

We've got 2 town cops. And one will happily let you drink in public, or in vehicles (as long as he knows you).

They spend most of their time talking with Park Police and the random State Troopers which hang out at 11pm at the UltraMart.

can't beat it.

calei

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I don't get the drinking beer from a paper bag thing. If you really want to drink a beer someplace where alcohol is prohibited, all you have to do is pour your beer into a Starbucks cup. Nobody will ever give you a second thought, let alone put you in jail for the night! After all, coffee (and especially Starbucks) is a socially acceptable drug in our society!

qubit

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I was recently arrested for smoking in a bar on a Thursday night (the only night the smoking ban is enforced in this town). Funniest part: I'm 20 and was sloshed. Only charged with smoking, though.

sbyrne

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @gromek: Actually, since the charges were dropped, Sheila doesn't have a criminal record, and it doesn't equate to an indictable offense in Canada, so she is still free to come in and enjoy our wonderful beer. But not in public.

PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I have two friends that were arrested by the same cop in the East Village for having pocket knives. Apparently, that too is illegal, though there seems to be some loophole for people who work in production or construction if they have a multi-tool type thing. Both of them got probation and community service.

HellKatonWheelz

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> There are some countries were cops would get in deep shit for taking in someone who is not a criminal. What will be next? Smokers? I think you should have learnt that in your country you can be locked for literally nothing...which doesn't look like the land of the free to me. "When they arrested the Communists,
I said nothing; after all, I was not a Communist.
When they locked up the Liberals,
I said nothing; after all, I was not a Liberals.
When they arrested the people who drink beer,
I said nothing; after all, I don't like beer.
When they arrested me, there was no longer anyone who could protest."

vaceituno

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Congrats, Sheila, you now have more street cred than Margaret Seltzer. Use it wisely!

SlickaNicka

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> That is the most ridiculous charge, Sheila. For all that trouble, I hope that beer was an import or microbrew and not some shitty Bud Light.

Did they develop the fingerprinting technology specifically for African-Americans , so it couldn't pick up your "light" fingerprints? How pathetic and sad, if true.

SlickaNicka

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Never thought I'd get to pick up a Gawker story and sneak it past my editors at Texas Monthly to post to our election blog. Thanks for getting arrested and then sneaking political info. into the story, Sheila. Loved this one; I recently did 26 hours for driving too fast -- my problem, southern Texas.

nbjackson

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Didn't know Gawker staffers have a life.

backseat_driver10023

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> wonder if it would help saying you're from out of state when you get arrested for DANCING in some NYC bar with no cabaret license ... another "quality of life" law brought (back) to you by Mr. Guilliani ... more than 3 people moving rhythmically in a place without a cabaret license, and you could get the old tap on the shoulder telling you dancing is NOT ALLOWED

anyone here know that one? not a snope, promise

weightingold

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> They arrest you and lock you up for drinking beer or stretching out on public seats?!! Dude, the USA is one fucked up country. How much is this lunacy costing your society?

I've visited a few times - enjoyed myself, but I have no desire to return. Between the unbelievable brutality from your militarised police, tasers, gun crime, Xian nutjobs - the good stuff that remains doesn't make up for the unpleasant stuff.

Hopefully Barack will get USA back on track... assuming 'Idiot America' doesn't vote Bush ... err, I mean McCain in.

MonoApe

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> it seems like a lot of people on this board are surprised by this, but the nypd police has locking up people for these kinds of quality-of-life crimes (i.e. violations like "open containers", turnstile jumping, and smoking weed in public) ever since the mid-90's when giuliani was mayor. the theory was that serious criminals also routinely committed these kinds of petty crimes, so casting a wide net would pull in enough big fish to make it worth all the extra hassle that resulted for the police, courts, jail staff etc. to take in people for the tiniest violations. as a result, there have been many, many stories just like this one, seemingly regular people being put through a filthy, tortuous incarceration process lasting up to 72 hours, only to be spit out the other end.

the thing is, the approach seems to have been validated. for example, in 1996 the city was shocked by a series of random brutal attacks on three women, one of whom was killed, and the other two were beaten until they were unrecognizeable. a guy name john royster was eventually convicted of the crimes after they found his thumb print on a railing near one of the attacks. why did the police have his print on file? he was arrested for jumping a turnstile the previous year. so now if anyone ever wants to reverse this quality-of-life sweeping policy, cases like these will be cited as proof that the system works.

btw, good luck trying to go to canada now...as of a few years ago, if you were ever arrested for any reason in the US, regardless of the outcome of the case, you are now "criminally inadmissible" and will be turned away at the border.

gromek

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Sheila: this may be my favorite Gawker posting since Balk left. And any piece of writing with this in it:

a small Japanese exotic dancer who hit her boyfriend with a frying pan ("He had it comin'")

should automatically be nominated for a Pulitzer. I also think that "He had it comin'" is one of those gems that perfectly illustrates the charm -- the beauty even -- of American vernacular English.

SheWalkedWithAZombie

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> omg sheila even if it's not true fib and let me think it is: gaby totally bailed you out, right? in some sort of moss green satin theatrical suit number with a dramatic collar and stiletto heels and those hose with the seams up the back? yeah, those, gaby totally wears those.

the supergoddess

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> No dopesick prostitute?

323339

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I would drink beer in the subway every day after that. Every fucking day. Quality of life crimes, Jesus Christ. Someone should arrest the Dean of San Francisco State for ruining the quality of life of 30,000 people

Yatta!

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> My jail story is not as good.

...jesus, you need a Cray to post on this site. AJAX done wrong!

....anyway, I had a suspended license, due to points, and I didn't know it. I get pulled over after delivering fucking newspapers all night (my first Sunday on the job, and I was pleased with myself). They take me to jail in my Pirates of Penzance show t-shirt. The cell smelt like urine, but we had payphones in the cell with us. They took all my possessions, including belt and shoelaces. Seven hundred dollars of my best friend's money late, I was a free man. It was not as fun as this girl's trip to jail.

Also, webmaster, stop with the as-you-type preview of your post. Some of us still just have one processor.

reverendfrag

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> OMG Shelia still can't believe this! This shit would never go down in Detroit rock city!! Did anyone disucss the "irrigation" techniques with the excessive scratcher? Of ALL the crazy stories i've heard from the great Sheila, this one takes the cake. Bravo!

lolaluvssheila

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> You should never drink beer from a paper bag. Always use a can or a bottle.

famousauthor

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> so, why were the charges dropped?

i mean, not that i'd like to see you fined, but if they've arrested you, only to go to court and have the charges _immediately_ dropped, it seems like a pretty good case for a wrongful arrest, no?

mindslight

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Raincoaster: Sierra Nevada!

Sheila

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> You know, the saddest thing about this whole post is that she went to jail for American beer. I mean, PBR? Coors Light? WHAT WAS IT?

raincoaster

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Crikey, has every single Gawker commenter been arrested??

During my one and only stay at the Tombs, they took my belt and shoelaces but let me keep the anti-depressants I took back then with me. So I spent the 24 hours nicely medicated.

My experience involved three cells - the precinct, the tombs, and then the holding cell at the court building. The last stop was pretty mellow - no cuffs, and plenty of bench space for laying down. I committed the gaffe of bringing my city-issued bologna sandwich into the courtroom. (I thought they were taking me into yet another cell.) My attorney was mortified, but later said that was probably why the judge let me walk without any cash bail. I so looked like I didn't belong there.

GeorgeBabbitt

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @PimpMyCouch: Darlin', you know I would never sully our song by playing it to anyone else!

DorothyMantooth

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Sheila, my Mom wouldn't have liked me hanging out with you in high school. Still, I would have done it and stolen beers from my Dad for you. Outstanding post!

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @NotAndersonCooper: Hiya babe! Great one.

Be strong Sheila. (You know they took your shoelaces so you couldn't hang yourself, right?)

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @DorothyMantooth: Just don't play "Somebody's Watching Me." That's our song!

I want to share! In high school I went to a kegger with my sister. We were all walking to the gas station to buy smokes, beers in hand, when the cops pulled up. The "badass" cop asked us how old we were (I lied and said 19), and then asked if we'd been drinking, to which we replied no. Then he said:
"I can tell you're lying. Your eyes are like peas in the snow!"

We were all so befuddled by that expression, that he just shook his head and left. Good times!


PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Oh, how my lovely hometown of NYC SUCKS ASS!!! who allows people to be arrested for this. Are we not aware of the 1 in 100 americans are in jail statistic(CNN), this is out of control!!

Freshrinse

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @BettyCrocker: @Clare: And pictures...shirtless pictures, with cats.

lawyergay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Pareene: @hamburgerhotdog: I renew my MN license when I go home for holidays. I'm never giving it up. According to my driver's license, I've always lived with my parents.

Sheila, what a bummer. But doesn't everything seem so fresh and so clean now that you're out?

@deadmonkey: Dead lame.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @stopmikelupica: that's completely unnecessary in many, many neighborhoods.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I guess things have gotten tougher. I was only ever treated to a fine. And he let me finish my beer on the subway platform while writing the citation.

Good old Elephant Red. An oil can I think.

Handsome Pete

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> That strawberry blonde lady cop sounds like someone I'm related to. Did you get her name?

SoleilMoonPie

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Sweet Panda Love: That same thing happened to me too, we just got $20 tickets and we told them the same kind of thing. The cops' response: "We wish we could be out there doing better, but they make us do this bullshit." and I said "Well, couldn't you just pretend not to see?"

I'm thinking the adolescent cop/bald babyface guy from the story are the same guy. He walks around with an ipod and a puffy coat and blends in really well... until he asks you to step aside and stares at you with these creepy crazy cold eyes.

scrizzlescrazzle

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @stopmikelupica:Don't be ridiculous, all Williamsburg/Greenpoint residents (ergo all gawker readers) know that it's called a bodega. It makes them less white, doncha know?

jobsworth

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @stopmikelupica: Hell, I do that with my McDonald's takeout coffee cup. At home. On Saturday afternoons when I don't want my BF to know I'm drinking all our wine.

tscheese

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @jtulkens: Then you should really read some more. It sucks, but spending a few hours in the clink for breaking the law is sort of understandable, no?

Chief Wahoo

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> For the millionth time: You don't brown bag a beer in NYC. You pour it into a coffee cup at the bodega (that's the grocery store for you white folks), and then walk around pretending to drink coffee when you are really getting drunk. Seasoned pros even rock the swizzle stick.

stopmikelupica

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I took a 3AM trip to the gas station last night. The one I always go to (at that time, at least) is always swarming with police, so I feel safer going there than anywhere else. Anyway, so there were three cops inside, taking a break or something. Some douchebag walks in, buys some cigarettes, and as he's walking out he says "bye" to the po-po and then says "Oh, and hay- don't follow me out guys! I know how cops in this area are" and starts laughing. The place went silent, I shot a look at one of the guys who looked like he was trying to think back to whether or not there were any laws about driving while stupid. anyway, the cops in this area get a lot of heat - rightfully- because they're bored a lot. I'm a little proud that they're not quite as terrifying as these NYC cops seem to be.

meli

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: Oh, you'll call again!

DorothyMantooth

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> The Tombs suck ass: January 2004 was my stint. What was I in for? Splitting a blunt between two of my girls. And they arrested all of us. Yes, Yes, we're from Northern California. Whatev.

I stayed there almost 36 hours and made some of the best friends (after my panic attack). But move to NY like I previously aspired, I will not.

California and your medicinal marijuana...I love thee.

Guerilla Busfare

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: Foiled again. Why does this approach never work?

@DorothyMantooth: I can always count on you. Remind me that I owe you that nice seafood dinner.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @BettyCrocker: Oh, man! You really want his head to get swelled that big?!

(And, yes, Smailsy. I did mean that "that way.")

DorothyMantooth

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> You're so much more badass than any previous Gawker ladies, Sheila. Awesome.

moff

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @flossy: Oh, I've gotten pushed up the street in a grocery cart at 3 am before. Thankfully, I only ran into friends, not cops.

treecut...will cut a beech

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: i got smacked around by an ex and the lady cop was absolutely brutal to me, and basically called me a whore? so i mouthed off at her and she arrested me, it was awesome (charges dropped and unlike poor sheila i only spent 3 hours in jail). I HATE LADY COPS A LOT. FREE ALYCIA LANE.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I've always been able to wipe my nose on my shoulder. Guess I'm just talented.

jobsworth

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> ZOMG you female gawkers are so hot and badass with your tattoos and your getting arrested and stuff

The Dewd

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @FLegion: One might think that. It was not. Basement or Ground level Apartments in NYC are not so much fun.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: I would if I wasn't stuck at work with the most basic computer I can't even watch Flash movies, let alone take pictures. You must trust on this one.

ArtfulSlinger

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @rubyriver: Been a tradition since before John Cheever was around to chronicle it.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> That is one of the most disgusting things I've ever read. It sounded like something you'd expect to happen in a third world country, not in the States. I can understand taking you in and throwing you in the drunk tank, if you were drunk. Wouldn't pouring out the beer and giving a stern warning have cost less money, taken less time, and still gotten the same point across?

jtulkens

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Metro North has booze carts next to just about every track. Whatever your poison, booze-cart-tenders make it right there and you carry it, uncovered and in plain view, onto the train and drink the entire ride home if you want. Then you get in your car, parked at the station, and swerve home.

rubyriver

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I really hope that the Japanese exotic dancer actually said "he had it comin.'" I want proof that Broadway musicals imitate life.

kentuckienne

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: It is. Don't pretend like you don't know that half the Gawker gals want to have your babies.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I was caught smoking a joint with a friend on Ludlow street (stupid, I know) and spent a night in jail. Same situation as hers. It was scary but educational in getting a real glimpse of how that system works and why minority youngsters keep coming back.

I never smoked outside ever again since then.

Cheap Shot

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I have spent decades under the impression that NYPD is one of the few police departments that actually "has better things to do". This has been my justification on a number of occasions for smoking pot on the sidewalk, parking my motorcycle on the sidewalk, drinking openly on the streets, stabbing hobos and their puppies, etc.

I, too, am reformed by this experience.

vulturesquadron

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @BettyCrocker: I'm not sure I understand -- but it sounds like a compliment, so I'll take it!

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: You have a kitchen in your basement? Why does that strike me as the most awesome thing ever?!

FLegion

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Are you concerned how this will impact your future civic duty when called for jury duty?

GoRo

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> "At 7 a.m., my arresting officer tucked a snub-nosed pistol into her hip holster and took me and Bogden, the homeless Pole, to Manhattan Criminal Court. She always cuffed me too tightly."

That's supposed to be hot, right? Cause that's hot.

BaconCat

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Granted, this was not in New York, but I was once surrounded by three (!*) police cars while pushing my friend up main street in a shopping cart at 2:00 AM (this is is a crime?). We managed to talk our way out of trouble despite the fact that we were too drunk not to crack up when the angry main policewoman demanded "What? You think this is funny?"

*we may have pushed it right past the police station though. Whoops.

flossy

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Oh, honey. At least you made some new friends and all is well.
Next time, vodka in a Poland Springs bottle.


City_Dater

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: You're becoming quite the swordsman, counselor.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: Prove it! Prove it!

Sigh. I'd be so much more productive without Gawker and the wanton on-the-job lust it sometimes engenders.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: Jesus. Don't let my love of Brett Sommers trick you, I am very much all woman. And boy shorts are usually the prefered style, for your information.

ArtfulSlinger

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Kittenloss: New Orleans is so much more civilized (imagine!) in this regard. As long as it's an open container, there are no restrictions.
Sure you see people walking around the French Quarter with cups, but it really struck me when I was cutting through the jewelry department at Saks on Canal Street and there were couples walking around with mixed drinks.


Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: What part of the waffle recipe required a knife?

maevemealone

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Oh, also according to an interesting report I read, over 85% of turnstile jumpers have outstanding warrants for their arrest, so the cops know that by hanging around the subway they can make quota easily.

raincoaster

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I can vouch for the out of state license thing - once I joined my friend going through the turnstile bc i had left my metrocard at home...she was from california and he was prepared to let us off, but unluckily my license still had my parent's long island address on it, and even though it turned out me and the cop went to the SAME HIGH SCHOOL he claimed i should have known better and wrote us both tickets.

Also, when i got busted for public drinking in the bag, i just got a $25 fine! what is the world coming to?

thereisalight

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Holy shit, they can arrest you? I got a $20 ticket for the same thing on the Lower East Side a few years back. I then told the adolescent policeman that I was so fucking happy he was spending his time that way when a woman is raped every seven seconds. Next time, methinks I'll watch my mouth.

Sweet Panda Love

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I jumped a turnstile at Times Square once and was pulled over by an undercover. Luckily, he was Irish, as am I, and when he heard my Irish accent he wrote out a ticket with a bogus name, address, occupation, everything. So, as much as it pays to be white, it pays even more to be white and Irish. I'm surprised Sheila didn't play on her name a bit more.

Eringowaaaah

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @AndIAmTellingYou: That's "Mah Sheila, incarcerated," right?

So, Sheila, which one of the girls did you cut so they all knew you were hardcore right away?

DorothyMantooth

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> This is the New York Literary Establishment's version of riding dirty.

Also: way to undo several year's worth of carefully constructed glam-drug aura. They're going to have you faking a stay in rehab for St.John's Wort addiction or something to make up for this.

raincoaster

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> it was just like that when i was in! right down to the chubby goth girl. when a male inmate saw the two of us getting booked he said "what'd they do ....jay walk". i was in for letting my bf go through the turnstile with me. and i was wearing neon pink spandex snow boarding overalls. that was fun. taking shits was the worst. watching a really loudmouthed pregnant girl take shits was worse.
made me think about alice's restaurant the whole time.


rosie7

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Long, but servicey, I hope:

So! There you are in the subway or on the street doing something wild, like guzzling a Stella Artois from a paper bag, or operatically sailing your lithe form over the turnstile ina grand jete, and one of NY's Finest has spotted you and would like to chat. What to do?

1) Smile, but go for a rueful and friendly look, not Village Idiot.

2) Let him speak first.

3) If he asks you a question, answer it honestly, and wrap up your answer with "I'm sorry, Officer." Repeat the word "officer" several times during the ensuing conversation. This is useful because it is likely that the last person he encountered was a stoned hooker who called him an ofay honky mothafucka and spat in his eye before attempting to stab him.

4) Rectify the "crime" immediately by tossing the beer, offering to pay the fare, sitting up, whatever. But! Do exactly as he tells you, and don't make sudden moves that resemble fleeing or pulling weaponry. If you need to go into a bag or pocket to retrieve ID, tell him that's what you're doing.

5) Don't be a wiseass, tell him that you are best buds with Bloomberg, or tell a cop joke.

6) *Totes Magical Words!!!* "Officer, I honestly don't know what came over me, I've never done this before, and I'll never do it again. Can you please let me go?"

7) If he lets you go, thank him profusely and sincerely. He is not allowed to shake your hand, so wave instead.

8) Sometimes these things are "sweeps" and he sorta has to arrest you. But you'll be treated much better for having cooperated.

Or, you could just find a hunky one with the same sexual orientation as you, lure them into your lair, and after a few months, get him or her to give you one of those mini-shields in a leather case that says "Officer's Husband" or "Officer's Wife".

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> My story is pretty similar, except for the felony arraignment part at the end. This is what happens when a cop hits you during the arrest (In Soviet Russia... !).

The one thing that was most interesting in the holding pen was that is was weirdly like a plane. Remember when they first put phones on planes, everyone making a call opened it with "Hey, guess where I am? On a plane!". Yeah, same deal, except for, you know "In jail!".

Tip: memorize local phone numbers. And tell your friends that 'unavailable' on caller ID at 9AM on Sunday isn't a credit card collections call. It's you, want to say "Guess where I am?" followed by "I need a good criminal defense attorney."

ninety_nine

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I was in the middle of printing my "Free Sheila" shirts. Dammit.

InternMary

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @tscheese: works well for sneaking it into rehab, too.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Oh shit. You were probably in the same cell I've been in a couple times. The pay phone thats on the wall right outside the cell? I could have sworn that last time I was in that cell though, they had put in a free phone?

marvel girl

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I am so paranoid about this that I always put my vodka in Sprite bottles beforehand.

There's also a kind of Vitamin Water that looks precisely like cabernet sauvignon. It's the acai berry one?

I'm an alcoholic, but I'm classy, damnit.

tscheese

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Awww.... This brings me back to my first night in Manhattan bookings

marvel girl

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @NotAndersonCooper: I think you are thinking of Cary Grant in North by Northwest.

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Arrested for Drink&Ride?!?! What nerve.
All I got was ticket that was revoked. BS Charge.


YourGoldKeith

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: I have a knack for that sort of thing. I'm just crossing my fingers that you were wearing boyshorts, and that you don't have manjunk.

It's dangerous to assume anything around here.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Sarcastro: It was a butter knife, so I think gutting anything would have been hard.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: It used to be a regular thing - making food in undies - until the cops broke into my house. Damn the NYPD for stifling my near naked time in my own house. Also, I am all aflutter that you were most intrigued by that part.

ArtfulSlinger

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Guh. When did they change the brownbag law? Bodegas still give those out when you buy singles. No one tells us anything around here.

Kittenloss

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: haha....damn. I wish I could somehow. This all happened in the east village - what's the EV rep for that kinda thing?
I don't really know...the smoking thing was during the first year of the ban so that likely helped my case.

I HOPE I'M NOT JINXING MY RECORD!!


What it is

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> How about moving lovely Sheila over to Jezebel, now that Gawker is over?

thebomb

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @idratherbesailing: HA...sadly i was thinking the same thing. they also apparently did away with the buffalo chicken sandwich for a time. sacrilege!

thebaxterette

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Clare: He's my primary data source, and yes, I owe you an email. Revisions are taking place due to my boss quitting and us divvying up her duties.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Wait, what's illegal about drinking out of a paper bag? I mean as long as the beer is obscured there's no probable cause right? A friend got out of something like this (post 9/11 too) by refusing to show the cop what was in the bag.

ragold

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I LOVELOVELOVE the repeat-arrest social prophet "running the cell." America is awesome.

ADismalScience

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @hamburgerhotdog: that is true...they were mostly dude cops, although I have used the out of town thing with a lady cop once for smoking indoors...

What it is

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @BettyCrocker: Only if there will there be commentary from your hunky cop husband as well.

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Hey, Sheila -- Ask you mom whether we can put up one of her emails. She sounds awesome!

Nick Denton

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @What it is: Prove it.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: perhaps I should have mentioned a low-cut shirt helps....

What it is

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Sheila, you're one tough SOB. I'd be one of those pussies bawling her eyes out and calling her daddy to bail her out.

In college, I did once talk my way out of getting a citation for underage drinking. A cop caught me and some friends running down a fire escape and trying to climb over a 10' cyclone fence to avoid being picked up.

The cop seemed to think I was the ringleader and got right in my face and was like, "Why'd you run?" I thought it'd be a good idea to be all conspiratorial and Socratic about it and say, "Why do you think, Officer?" He and his partner actually found this amusing, and they let me and my friends go and cited the guy whose apartment we were at.

Clare

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: A knife?

"Making waffles" is code for "gutting a hobo," right?

Sarcastro

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @worth79: Thank you. Yes. Exactly what I was thinking. Slow night?

Poor Sheila. Makes for a great story though.

Sally Tomato

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Artful Slinger: Let's talk some more about making waffles in your undies, yes?

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Sheila, would you be interested in starring in my upcoming remake of Caged Heat?

gamblore

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @BrianVan: I thought the movie was "Chained Heat"?

PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Why would you get arrested for a simple offense like drinking on the subway, which warrants a like $100 fine?

I have received these tickets mulitiple times and was angry each time and yet never even got close to being arrested. I'm confused. Are subway cops just arresting everyone now for simple infractions?

@allyzay: Lady cops are seriously the worst humans ever. My home was broken into a few years ago and the male cops there checked every nook and cranny that the guy had left. When I was letting them out, the only female cop there said "She wasn't assaulted? Nothing was taken? What the hell are we still doing here - what a waste of time!" And gave me a look of death. And I should mention I did not call the cops on the break in, nor was I aware of it, I was actually stirred out of my making waffles in my undies in my basement kitchen by foot steps upstairs which came from cops WHO BROKE IN to find the dude who broke in, since it was reported to them by my cross a street neighbor. And they made me put down my knife that I was making my waffles with. Oh sweet irony.

ArtfulSlinger

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I went through this whole ordeal myself.

They gave us cheese sandwiches and milk. I can't think of a more sadistic idea for a bunch of men locked in a cell together.

22 hours in the tombs was enough to make me think twice about any minor offense in NYC.

Hot Foot

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @allyzay: word. real life proves that no women cops are cool hotties like olivia benson. she would have taken your beer, given you some life advice and her cell # and then gone to catch a real criminal.

Enthusiasm...Curbed

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @deadmonkey: Don't you have some YouTube videos to comment on?

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> what a f**king waste of taxpayer money.

worth79

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I could write an entire Guide To Not Getting Arrested When A Cop Sees You Doing Something Minorly Bad. Any takers?

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Michael Jahn: The day they stop selling booze on the LIRR is the day I... Probably don't have to bang my head against the window just to stay awake.

Way to be a survivor, Sheila. Now, who was your atty: John Laroquette or that other lady? Did Harry Anderson do any magic tricks?

Goober_Pea

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Conspiracy theory: The more people (esp. of color) they arrest, the more mug shots and fingerprints they will have, getting closer to having a complete database without having to require every single person to come down and be fingerprinted for no reason. Just arrest anyone possible for any tiny violation, and build the database.

Also, you can get arrested for subletting your apt without telling your landlord? I guess I'm a hardened criminal. Where's my book deal?

teapartys_over

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Sheila it's official: The Terrorists WON.

richardmarxhatesmyhair

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @allyzay: The LIRR waiting areas are full of cops and soldiers, and they don't give a rat's ass. The only time I caught their attention was when I dropped a glove and walked 5 or 6 feet away from my wheelie bag to pick it up. They did not like that, especially cause I left the bag in front of their cop booth. Being regarded as a possible terrorist drove me straight to the beer guy.

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> i guess that dyke cop didn't know you were a reporter...

deadmonkey

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> A friend of mine got arrested for speeding up 1st Ave and having like 7 of us crammed into his Wrangler without seatbelts. (I think he also "talked back to the cops" by saying something outrageous like, "Sir, can I just make them all get out and walk the rest of the way?") The nerve.

Anyway, when they stuck him in the police van, I guess there was a homeless man in there who ended up having a seizure. They went to some horrible hospital to deal with the dude and the cops handcuffed my friend to a chair in the waiting room for something like 6 hours. I think that might be worse than jail.

Phyllis Nefler

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @allyzay: You must be really pretty.

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: But only if it has trace amounts. Otherwise, it can be used for tobacco...

Herb Tarlek

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> What, no "Caged Heat" jokes yet?

BrianVan

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I got popped and charged with "conspiring to impede American government"or something like that a while back. It's a very long but-I-wasn't-even-protesting story, but it comes down to the fact that the Patriot Act was only a few months old and so myself and the 200 other innocent pedestrians I was clinked with were charged with various shades of domestic terrorism. This allowed us to be held indefinitely, without being charged and without the "luxuries" of that delicious bologna sandwich or the Colon Blow cereal. I was in the hoosegow for three days and (unbeknownst to me) was put on the Do Not Fly list for a year. My favorite party by far, is the large painted sign in the Tombs: "Place Perps Here" where our chain-gang stopped long enough for Bernard Kerick to inspect us like horses at auction. Congrats on your first trip underground. Don't let it reform you too much.

aPearlfromGrit

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @notsofresh: And the last car was the drug bazaar, at least on the IRT #1.

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Conbon: i have had a cop sit and chat with me while i was smoking in the times square station. it was actually really surreal.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Drinking on the subway platform? When Dinkins was mayor, a bottle in a bag on the subway platform was like champagne cocktails on the Lido deck.

notsofresh

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> There once was a writer named Sheila
Who preferred a nice beer to tequila
But one sip of a brew
Meant all night she would stew
And the cooler would cool Sheila's heelas.

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Awesome.

surfbeavernsb

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> No pruno?
[www.blacktable.com]

MyCubeHas3Sides

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @allyzay: I got a ticket for that on the Yankee Stadium platform. Which is outside. Not arrested, though. Thanks, German-Irish heritage!

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> On a lighter note, a narc in Bushwick gave me back my weed and told me to go smoke it inside.

whymanwhy

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @SneakingThroughTheAlleyWithLalley: The LIRR was rethinking the matter, but as of last week they were still selling it on the Penn Station platforms (16 oz Bud, $2, wine and whiskey, $4) and it was quite nearly de rigeur to walk around the waiting areas with beers in paper bags. And as for nights when there's a Rangers game ...

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @ElleDriver: Actual subway pole - you know, the ones smack dab in the middle of the aisle. It was 1 in the morning, she was half asleep and the cop woke her up by pushing her leg off the pole, causing her to fall off the seat. He said it was obstructing passage even though there were only two other people in the car.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> My boyfriend got a summons a few days ago for riding his bike on the sidewalk, only half a block from his apartment.

AndSheWas

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I had a similar experience once. Only mine happened at the National Gallery in DC, I wasn't drinking, I didn't break any laws - but they thought I was a terrorist and decided to pull me out of the security line to get in and frisk me. I can see how one might mistake a 6'2'' 20 year old all-American type for a terrorist. I guess my story really isn't like that at all. But I did get frisked at the National Gallery. That should count for something.

NorCal

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Is this why the cops can't seem to catch that serial killer that keeps killing homeless people?

kimshot

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Herb Tarlek: Paraphernalia.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Oh, Sheila, and you could've learned all about "irrigating" ladyparts at work. Let me school you:

Ask Tionna

AndIAmTellingYou

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @NotAndersonCooper: Right. If she wound up in Sayville, however, there at least is amusing nightlife.

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Two screens? What's illegal about that (assuming they were clean pipe screens)? Seriously, tell me.

Herb Tarlek

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> oh my god i just noticed that the only person i've ever even heard of getting busted for platform smoking is pulling the out of state id claim.

my favorite ever jail story is a friend of mine went and peed on a pile of trash off a side street one night and someone came up behind him and yelled "what are you doing" to which he replied "what the fuck do you think i'm doing" and OF COURSE it was a cop.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @hamburgerhotdog: Was it an actual subway pole, or the "homeless Pole" Sheila aptly referred to?

ElleDriver

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> SHEILA, INCARCERATED!

AndIAmTellingYou

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Now Sheila can start her conversations with her own equivalent of:

Because one time in bandcamp.....

@TheHonJudgeSmails: @Calitri: GRRR. I checked and that dude still has commenting privileges. I say we find out who it is and send him on a date with Julia Allison or even better, Paul Janka!

Henifer Hropes

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @allyzay: EXACTLY, the lady cop is key here.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I thought public drinking contributed to the quality of life.
But seriously, anywhere else and you'd just get your beer poured out on the street and a stern lecture. And arresting people for illegaly subletting their apartments, WTF?


Fuzzy_duffel_bag

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: I will freely admit it helps to be a girl. Practice accent and wide eyed Midwestern innocence for added effect. Also, cry. Unless the cop is a woman, in which case crying will probably maker her go harder on you.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @What it is: were they dude cops? because i'm thinking the "girl" is more important than the "out-of-town".

i mean srsly i had a nys id until it was stolen a couple months ago and it's not like the fact that i was a city dweller made the boys more likely to think that i was aware of anti-smoking or public drunkenness laws.

EXCEPT FOR WHEN I A FEMALE COP WAS IN THE GROUP. damn lady cops.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> "He had it comin',
He had it comin',
He only had himself to blame..."

Sorry about the bust, but great post, Sheila!



AndIAmTellingYou

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Pareene: Next time I go to NY, I'm carrying my passport everywhere. Then when they bust me for public drinking, I'll speak French. I'm in the clear!

Sheila, I'm glad you're outta the pokey!

PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @SneakingThroughTheAlleyWithLalley: I'm too much of a badass to pay attention to legal debates.

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Sheila can go the James Frey route and parlay this into a memoir of she wound up an officer in the Aryan Brotherhood.

Chief Wahoo

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Everyone should go to bookings once. Your an entitled prick if you ain't been yet. But I will direct all of you to the Message Board of NYPD cops and their complaints and shit. [nypdrant64609.yuku.com]

whymanwhy

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> You won't believe how much this is going to enhance your badass cred among your writer friends. Enjoy!

notsofresh

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Pareene, @What it is: FYI, my out-of-state license didn't help in my (similar) situation.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Well that's one New Yorker who has an alibi for the Times Square bombing (sorry, Times Square IEDing).

raincoaster

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Pareene: Totally! I've hung on to my VA lisence and played the innocent out-of-town girl many times...apparently NYC cops think inside the beltway it's all moonshine and tabacco fields...

What it is

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @collegecallgirl: Blew my mind, too. I hope she remembered to mention that fact.

@TheHonJudgeSmails: It's all falling into place now.

Calitri

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> i KNEW you had to have gotten arrested by a female cop. there's no way in hell a dude cop would've taken you in for something like this.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Conbon: 'tis allowed on the NJ transit and the LIRR I believe. Wasn't there some sort of debate about that last yr.?

SneakingThroughTheAlleyWithLalley

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> was that phone call to Denton?

fileunder

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Now you can write your own gritty memoir, Sheila!

meerkat

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Weird. I totally felt the quality of my life improve incrementally over the last 48 hours. Huzzah, coppers!

Kim Gordon's Panties

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> This is all fact checked? Cause if she spent the night in Ronkonkoma, there'll be hell to pay.

NotAndersonCooper

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Take the LIRR when possible. They not only tolerate booze, they SELL it.

Michael Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @Calitri: Circa the Giuliani era.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Technically illegal, I suppose. But trashy habit? Absolutely not. Is this also illegal on NJ Transit? If so, I know roughly 4,549,835,906,854 criminals.

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> You badly need a copy of this book to show you how to properly handle all of the prison time you're clearly headed for:

[www.amazon.com]

Everyone else needs a copy, too, just because.

Kakapo

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I can't believe this happens to white people!

collegecallgirl

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: I second that.

So, what's the best way to make a prison shank? When are you getting your tear-drop tattoo? Did you kick someone's ass or go the bitch route?

By the way, since when did NYC become so lacking in crime that this is the kind of shit they're worried about?

Calitri

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> "deadmonkey's ability to comment is no longer enabled."

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I thought Sheila would be hotter...

deadmonkey

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> When your rap album coming up? Produced by Kanye at least?

The Real JR

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Shit, they're arrest you for ANYTHING in New York City, won't they? I had a girlfriend of mine get an open container violation for walking down the street in the middle of downtown drinking a beer, and all the cop did was write her a $60 ticket, and in the comments section, he wrote 'Miller Lite.' Of course, I'm in a college town, so if she had happened to be drinking the cop's brand, he probably would have just asked her for one.

pssshwhatever

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @hamburgerhotdog: THIS IS CRUCIAL ADVICE. i'm never giving up the MN license.

Pareene

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Well played! Next time though, please request a laptop for liveblogging.

JDel

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> If "Law & Order" is any guide, now that you're "in the system," you'll be one of the suspects for every crime that happens in the city over the next 10 years. Hope your photo doesn't vaguely resemble any murderers!

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> I usually refer to brown bag drinking as "wino wallet".

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> The Tombs are a terrible place. This will provide you with a story to tell, that will get funnier with each passing year. Trust me.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Beats the dog ate my homework, I guess.

belltolls

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> i stopped reading after "shiela."

buyamerican

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> @lawyergay: My friend got arrested for putting her feet on the pole!

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> Reminds me of the time that someone told me the "Brown Bag" rule was real. And then I found out it wasn't when a Chinatown Vice car stopped me and decided to see if I'd piss myself before taking my beer.

mitchel_stevens

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> If you are from another state that is not NY, keep that license for as long as you can as it will become incredibly valuable should you get busted for this sort of thing (as I have many times) because NYC cops seem to think Minnesota is a haven of public drinking, smoking indoors. I have played the "I'm from out of town I didn't know any better" card more times than I care to admit.

hamburgerhotdog

]]> <![CDATA[What I Learned in Jail Last Night]]> oh my god sheila! I was so worried! sweetie, come - sit down, have some casserole...

the supergoddess

]]>