10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight - Gawker Comments

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

SW-2 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 09:34:27 EDT

Someone told me, it was either a weight loss brochure or my doctor, that #3 is largely a myth. You have to be *seriously* acrobatic in the sack to get a real workout.

SW-2

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Scooter34 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 08:08:17 EDT

@SlickaNicka: Really?

I affectionately call my husband "Sleeping Pill". I wake him up at least once a week when insomnia beckons.

Scooter34

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

SlickaNicka — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 23:30:15 EDT

Sex reduces the pain of....not having sex.

Sex doesn't make me sleepy. I suck the life force straight from my partner, X-Men style, and feel the need to clean the house and shit. Weird, but true.

SlickaNicka

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 23:13:56 EDT

@Helman: My orgasms always feel like someone's scraping out the inside of my penis with a dull, rusty steak knife. Is that not right?

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

In Other News... — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:06:47 EDT

@raincoaster: Don't be gross. :-)

In Other News...

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

raincoaster — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:46:41 EDT

There really should be five TOP reasons and five BOTTOM ones, no?

raincoaster

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

In Other News... — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:13:25 EDT

@thatgirlinnewyork: No. 12: And her hair stiff!

In Other News...

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Mike_Jahn — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:55:06 EDT

@Toomanytomatoes: I guess you didn't go to Catholic school.

Mike_Jahn

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Unfun — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:08:40 EDT

@KimGordonsPanties: Seriously.
@KimGordonsPanties: How much?

President Bush's "Abstinence Only" sexual education program administrators are so pissed right now. The secret is out! Sex is good and stuff! Seriously, is there one person in like, Mississippi who didn't know this already?

Unfun

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

thatgirlinnewyork — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:07:50 EDT

@In Other News...: No. 11: Keeps Julie Chen on the payroll!

thatgirlinnewyork

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Helman — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:07:42 EDT

What happened to "orgasms feel nice"? Or "Indian food tastes really yummy afterwards"?

Helman

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

In Other News... — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:55:22 EDT

From the home office on West 57th Street, here is tonight's "Top Ten."

Reasons to have sex tonight at CBS Here we go...

#10: Inspires watchable segments on "The Early Show".

#9: Katie Couric wants her interns to do something more than log tapes.

#8: All of America should hear Thalia Assuras moan at least once.

#7: Screw you HBO - we've got the better Gumbel!

#6: Without the friction, there ain't no global warming.

#5: Oprah does it... right Steadman?

#4: I hope Julia Allison will blog about the experience.

#3: Need to put the donuts at the CBS Commissary to good use.

#2: How else do we wake up Charles Osgood?

And the number one reason to have sex tonight at CBS...

It's how we pay for David Caruso's Ray-Bans, Bitches!

In Other News...

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Kim Gordon's Panties — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:54:14 EDT

@Unfun: Don't bother. I'm already discounted there. In fact, I think they're going to remainder me soon.

Kim Gordon's Panties

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Kim Gordon's Panties — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:51:47 EDT

Look CBS, if I had someone to have sex with, I wouldn't be doing these fucking dishes.

Kim Gordon's Panties

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Cheap Shot — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:51:10 EDT

Okay, gotta get home and dust off my Darth Vader costume. My princess Leia has been a bad girl and needs some Darkside of the force action.

Cheap Shot

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Unfun — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:41:10 EDT

Oh, haha! I wasn't doing it before because I didn't realize it was good for me! I'm going to run out and find a kick-ass boyfriend who's good in the sack tonight, at the single man store! KTHXBAI!

Unfun

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

mitchel_stevens — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:36:21 EDT

@moff:
Clearly. Wait. What the hell have I gotten into?
I'm going to go play my own Dragon Dagger and raise my mechanical lizard.

mitchel_stevens

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Road_Rash — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:29:21 EDT

@Toomanytomatoes: Maybe you're just not horny enough! lol

Road_Rash

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

fileunder — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:22:43 EDT

Last week, CBS said my penis has a mind of its own, so I'll let him do whatever he feels like doing tonight.

fileunder

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:21:52 EDT

@mitchel_stevens: That was you? Holy shit, I have had sex with a lot of people here. That was a great costume, BTW.

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

mitchel_stevens — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:20:12 EDT

@moff:
and to listen to Power Rangers theme songs!

mitchel_stevens

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

BK_KT — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:13:33 EDT

@Toomanytomatoes: 2007 was the year of bad sex, 2008 better treat me right!

BK_KT

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Toomanytomatoes — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:09:31 EDT

@moff: O. M. G.

Toomanytomatoes

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Toomanytomatoes — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:08:54 EDT

@Cheap Shot: it's kinda like eating half a banana. After that it just goes bad!

Toomanytomatoes

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:08:18 EDT

@Toomanytomatoes: OMG. You have soft hands.

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Toomanytomatoes — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:08:12 EDT

@moff: well...THERE of course...

Toomanytomatoes

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Toomanytomatoes — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:05:21 EDT

@moff: did i go home with you?!

Toomanytomatoes

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:04:23 EDT

@mitchel_stevens: And to smoke!

@Cheap Shot: The question is, "Halfway in where?"

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Cheap Shot — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:03:24 EDT

@Toomanytomatoes: Actually the "Half way" one sounds fun!

Cheap Shot

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

mitchel_stevens — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:03:17 EDT

65. provides excuse to drink.

mitchel_stevens

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Toomanytomatoes — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:02:53 EDT

@famousauthor: Do it for the terrorists!!

Toomanytomatoes

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

LeftCoastLady — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:00:21 EDT

65. Tomorrow is laundry day, so what's a few extra sheets?

LeftCoastLady

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

famousauthor — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:59:13 EDT

Don't forget that regular sex could have prevented 9/11 by reducing the appeal of those 72 virgins.

famousauthor

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:58:25 EDT

@Toomanytomatoes: You know, Tomatoes, if it keeps happening...

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Knucklehead Babylon — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:57:04 EDT

62. Hate self
63. Hate parents
64. Need to pass chemistry

Knucklehead Babylon

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Toomanytomatoes — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:56:01 EDT

I was just thinking that, until recently I didn't think it was possible to have really bad sex. Then I met a few girls and went home with them. They bit me, scratched my back, stuck their fingers in my mouth, let me put it in "half way", etc etc. This is completely new territory for me: people who suck at sex. Fucking rhinos have better sex than I have been having.

Thank you Gawker for giving me a reason to go out and find GOOD SEX!

Toomanytomatoes

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

McCheeburger — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:54:24 EDT

20). Sex distracts you from the coming attractions on The Hills.

Apropos, sort of, this thread, have you seen this?
[www.news.com]

McCheeburger

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

businesspearl — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:52:55 EDT

11. Vibrator out of batteries
12. Always wanted to join the Herpes Club
13. You jut happen to be leaving the party at the same time so why not
14. Money
15. Love

businesspearl

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:52:54 EDT

@mathnet: This is because I keep forgetting to get back to you about Scrabulous, isn't it? I'VE BEEN REALLY BUSY. Or is it because of when Mom and Dad would go out of town and I'd make you play the Patrick Bateman game with me?

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

NYCRockStar — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:50:38 EDT

Seriously... Seriously?

I don't want to dis my peeps out there who don't have this as an option at the moment, but do people really need to get some other benefit/excuse to compel them to get it on?

You let me know if you need me to learn ya some... Show you how it's done. ;)

NYCRockStar

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

TedSez — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:49:50 EDT

Is this the anti-abstinence pamphlet they're going to start handing out to high-school kids as soon as the Democrats get back in office?

TedSez

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

SarahHeartburn — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:48:41 EDT

25. We're too mad to talk.

SarahHeartburn

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

mathnet — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:45:23 EDT

@moff: 19. Gives your little sister a break.

I HATE YOU, MOFF!

mathnet

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

fivehole — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:43:36 EDT

CBS. don't fuck with the master.

fivehole

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

fragglewaggle — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:43:02 EDT

Do Pelvic Floor Muscles have anything to do with having sex on the floor? Cuz that is so overrated...my goddamn back kills me after having sex on the floor. Give me a nice comfortable bed ANY day.

fragglewaggle

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

SpoiledGirlieGirl — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:42:41 EDT

7. Sex Reduces Pain

Hello??? I like the "pain" that goes along with sex.

SpoiledGirlieGirl

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

AuntPeniston — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:41:35 EDT

Recently, while having some drinks with friends I was approached with this memorable pick-up line:

"So, are you into the whole picking-people-up-at-bars scene?"

Guys, you gotta try a little harder than that. Despite what you've heard about me.

AuntPeniston

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:41:34 EDT

18. I have a boner.

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

riskybusiness — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:41:15 EDT

Thanks CBS, for totally reminding me that I will not be getting laid tonight or any night in the foreseeable future.

Assholes.

riskybusiness

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

moff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:41:10 EDT

16. Brings you closer to your kids.

moff

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

dweeb — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:40:22 EDT

16. What else are you going to do? Watch "The Hills?"

dweeb

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

blakeley — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:39:27 EDT

CBS is for old people and the thought of old people having sex is just gross.

blakeley

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

BK_KT — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:39:13 EDT

15. Randomly having sex with an acquaintance who never calls you again gives you something to agonize over for the entire month! Fun!

BK_KT

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Knucklehead Babylon — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:37:48 EDT

@jackvinyl: Watch out for dishpan handjobs.

Knucklehead Babylon

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

BalknChain — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:37:39 EDT

Worst reasons to have sex. These people did; why can't you?
1. JFP (worst person in the world)
2. Dov Charney
3. Spitzer
4. McGreevey

BalknChain

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Cheap Shot — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:37:32 EDT

@nonethewiser: oops, yeah I meant the list not my retarded #11
@Wormfather: I actually lash myself immediately after a self induced climax mumbling "I hate you, idiot! loser, etc."

Cheap Shot

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Knucklehead Babylon — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:36:44 EDT

11. Better than sleeping on the street again.

Knucklehead Babylon

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

jackvinyl — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:36:24 EDT

Sex and washing the dishes are the only times that my girlfriend and i listen to music together. Maybe i'll download the MGMT record and get down to bidness tonite...

jackvinyl

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Bell County — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:36:06 EDT

14. It was good enough for your parents.

Bell County

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Knucklehead Babylon — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:34:37 EDT

@nonethewiser: I'm, also loooking for "getting back at your goddamn ex (that'll show her)."

Knucklehead Babylon

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

drugman — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:34:07 EDT

@FitnessMadeSimple: At 120 nanometers, that's gonna be a feat.

drugman

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

SarahHeartburn — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:33:59 EDT

Sex gives your neighbors something to snicker about when they meet you at the mailbox. So keep it down.

SarahHeartburn

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Wormfather — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:33:42 EDT

@Cheap Shot: Ironicly, masturbation does increase self esteam. You're just having sex with your favorite person.

Now if you're self loathing...

Wormfather

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

The Precautionary Whale — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:33:16 EDT

another good reason is all that left over easter chocolate can be melted down and used on each other yum

The Precautionary Whale

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

mathnet — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:32:11 EDT

13. CBS said.

mathnet

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

drugman — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:32:07 EDT

5. Sex Boosts Self-Esteem

Until you get married.

drugman

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

FitnessMadeSimple — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:31:47 EDT

@roodles: Also destroys immunity, if you have sex with a HIV.

FitnessMadeSimple

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

nonethewiser — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:30:14 EDT

@Cheap Shot: Not for the baby making part I'm hoping. Add that to the risk of going blind and I'm really starting to worry.

nonethewiser

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

mitchel_stevens — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:30:07 EDT

@surfbeavernsb:
she looks like barack obama smoking a cigarette. she's mine.

mitchel_stevens

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

roodles — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:28:01 EDT

2. Sex Boosts Immunity

I feel a cold coming on too.
Great, I wish I waited one more day before breaking up with my boyfriend.

roodles

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Nic Fit — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:27:56 EDT

#11. Sex pays the bills.

Nic Fit

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Asunshine — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:27:53 EDT

12. stds are cool

Asunshine

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

nonethewiser — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:27:43 EDT

Where's "Drunk and lonely" on that list? I demand a re-vote.

nonethewiser

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Cheap Shot — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:26:19 EDT

BTW, this list works the same if you replace 'sex' with 'masturbation'.

Cheap Shot

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

FitnessMadeSimple — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:26:14 EDT

I'm still bitter about David Paterson getting laid more than me.

FitnessMadeSimple

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

weazel — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:25:12 EDT

Those two are SO vain.

weazel

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

surfbeavernsb — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:24:44 EDT

Call me anytime, Rebecca.

surfbeavernsb

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

CodePink — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:24:08 EDT

@Cheap Shot: oh hi. same thing we wrote.

CodePink

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

CodePink — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:23:52 EDT

Not to mention--you get pregnant! Yay!!!!!!!!

CodePink

10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight

Cheap Shot — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 17:23:40 EDT

11. Sex makes babies

Cheap Shot