<![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> @pufflehuff: Thanks! Oh, and I never touch them - only look at them in the light of a waning moon.

Ah - the magic of youth. And their teeny-tiny fingers.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> @VirusWithShoes: Best last sentence of a comment ever.

By the way, it's nigh-on impossible to give away normal-sized plates these days - everyone seems to have caught onto this and is refusing them point blank. Never fear, though, there is a solution! Just carefully chop the edge of the plate off - et voilà! Also, best get some mini cutlery, Liz Hurley-style: [www.nowmagazine.co.uk]

Best leave the small boy's fingernails alone.

pufflehuff

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> File all your books and DVD's in alphabetical order (by auther for books, title for films). Abstain from crystal meth use.

Knucklehead Babylon

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Actually, these are excerpts from Yoko Ono's "Do-it-Yourself Dance Festival."

La Cieca

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> @Itsjustcatnip: Rotating the tyres. Or taking out the garbage. Perhaps both.

Try "rotating the garbage", and really piss him off.

Maybe just punch him in the nuts. Fuck 'im.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Actually I thought CNN's article on fighting with your husband will make you live longer was the goofiest. I also pencilled in an argument for around 9. Any suggestions on topic?

Itsjustcatnip

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> To stay healthy, I only eat nuts I've picked from the faecal matter of sad elephants. I crush them between two house bricks until they form a smooth paste, which I then smear onto a single leaf of lettuce coated in yak butter. I then take my super-lettuce leaf and sandwich it between two slices of wholemeal bread with only the slightest bit of low-fat Ukrainian margarine. I then tie the sandwich to the collar of an overly energetic terrier , and chase it for hours around my neighbourhood, thereby raising my heartbeat to a considerable amount while amusing local schoolchildren with my antics. I may be currently 36, but I have the lung capacity of a 35 year old Chinese accountant and the fingernails of a small boy hidden in a shoe-box under my bed.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Cover your head and run to safety when landing in a region under sniper fire.

Rrrrttt

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Note: becoming a vampire on Facebook does not confer longevity, immortality, or coolness upon you. In fact, just the opposite.

Furious George

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> I thought 9″ was pretty big.

iplaudius

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> @flynnchick: I'm with you. Life should be one continuous orgy-fest.

Toomanytomatoes

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Evite invitation: come to my dinner party! only serving tiny portions of food on tiny plates! byo scale!

businesspearl

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Lessons for developing eating disorders

businesspearl

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> @FracturedAcetabulum: Word. I don't want to live to 80, much less 100. I want to have an exciting,short,sexy, hedonistic life. Death to gym instructors and people who can't use "lose" in the right way.

mavricky

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> You won't really live longer, it will just seem like it.

Road_Rash

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Move More, Eat Less

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> When will these fucks realize it's not length of life I'm after, it's quality. Shit. Death does sound better than daily weights for two years. What is this high school wrestling? If so, can I tape Mathnet's butt cheeks together?

FracturedAcetabulum

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> Bathing in the blood of virgins has always worked for me.

oh, and I have this wonderful baby foreskin eye cream that Eva Longoria recommended

roodles

]]> <![CDATA[The Randomest "How To Live Longer" Advice Ever]]> If someone can't come up with a better way to lose weight than chopping off your arm then it's just not worth my time.

BullfightsOnAcid

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