Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis - Gawker Comments

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Dorothy — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 20:45:17 EDT

it's engorged with formaldahyde

Dorothy

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

surfbeavernsb — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 20:20:17 EDT

58. Also nicknamed "The eye of Allah".

surfbeavernsb

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

surfbeavernsb — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 20:19:38 EDT

57> Is nicknamed "The hand of God"

surfbeavernsb

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

dboswell — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 18:32:31 EDT

ALOT smaller than Hillary's; you know she's packin' and wants action

dboswell

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:14:36 EDT

@mitchel_stevens:
edit: that's actually McCain. Not his cock.

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:14:17 EDT

63. known to ejaculate while screaming "I'M FINISHED!"

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:57:12 EDT

62. Last but not least - starred as "Ilia" in Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:56:42 EDT

@Steverino: Today, it might also be Deadspin, dude.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Steverino — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:51:30 EDT

Wait, vaguely funny but completely useless and annoyingly insincere--how did I wind up on Wonkette?

Steverino

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

if_i_only_had_a_heart — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:47:05 EDT

viva viagra

if_i_only_had_a_heart

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:46:00 EDT

61. Says the title to Rebecca's post is now a big fat lie.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:44:22 EDT

60. Hates lobbying, but is quite fond of lobbyists.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:43:17 EDT

@mitchel_stevens: 59. Now dates Balk's Cock.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:42:56 EDT

59.Can turn a gay man straight and a straight man into a man.

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:42:34 EDT

58. TOTALLY CALLED that Tigh was a CYLON, BITCHES!!!

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:42:21 EDT

57. Once out-drank Balk's Cock.

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:41:47 EDT

57. Emotes well for an organ its age.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:41:08 EDT

56. Dares Canada to even try.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

DonPardoCalrissian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:40:58 EDT

Hasn't stopped smoking.

DonPardoCalrissian

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

DonPardoCalrissian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:40:37 EDT

Lost a bet about Eddie van Halen's birthplace to Dick Cheney's balls.

DonPardoCalrissian

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

DonPardoCalrissian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:38:30 EDT

Has a batting average higher than its bowling average.

DonPardoCalrissian

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

DonPardoCalrissian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:37:26 EDT

49. Is currently on loan to the Cincinnati Museum of Folk Arts and Crafts

DonPardoCalrissian

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Rrrrttt — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:36:46 EDT

54. Ducks and covers when landing under sniper fire.

Rrrrttt

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:36:40 EDT

55. Took all his pictures off of Facebook, after someone complained.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:35:51 EDT

54. Tells Mrs. McCain how to dress. Isn't it obvious?

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:34:13 EDT

53. Ironically, speaks Vietnamese.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

McCheeburger — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:34:08 EDT

69). Smaller than Hillary's.

McCheeburger

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:33:53 EDT

52. Ironically, plays the piano.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:33:25 EDT

51. Sends anonymous tips to Drudge and Gawker Stalker.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Rrrrttt — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:33:02 EDT

52. Pledges it's allegiance every morning.

Rrrrttt

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:31:39 EDT

50. Got J.P. Morgan Chase to quintuple its offer for Bear Stearns in exchange for a good shagging.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:30:36 EDT

49. Oozes Super Glue, tree sap and mucilage.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:29:34 EDT

48. Is also the titular character in "300".

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:29:16 EDT

47. Is the "1" in "1 vs. 100".

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:29:00 EDT

46. Is a "Real Housewife Of New York City".

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:28:23 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: 44a. Says "Yeaaaaarrrrrrrgh!" in all of his photos.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

McCheeburger — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:28:21 EDT

40). Listicles mentioning said penis make me nauseous.

41). Huge scar on left side, really disturbing.

42). Keating 5 tattooed on shaft.

43). It's so old his balls knock against his knees.

44). He has an "innie."

45). At least once, it humped George W. Bush's leg.

46.) It wears a merkin.

47). Even his Vietnamese captors laughed at its length and girth.

48). It fears Obama's manthing.

49). Nickname: Little man

50). During his most recent stay in Iraq, it never left the hotel.

51). It's whiter than Edgar Winter's.

McCheeburger

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:27:42 EDT

@KarenUhOh: 42. Quips "Ron Paul? That gadfly!" on political talk shows.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:27:21 EDT

45. Spencer from the Hills emails him everyday for advice with Heidi.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

VirusWithShoes — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:26:33 EDT

44. Is angry.

VirusWithShoes

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

KarenUhOh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:25:28 EDT

@KarenUhOh: Or, Norris. They're hallucinogens, after all.

KarenUhOh

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

KarenUhOh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:25:02 EDT

41. Is, under the influence of hallucinogens, not frightened by the sight of Chuck Norria.

KarenUhOh

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:24:58 EDT

41. Is on the Executive Board of Cialis.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:22:28 EDT

40. Doesn't like to wear lanyards or flair.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BettyCrocker — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:22:24 EDT

@fileunder: Awesome!

BettyCrocker

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

fileunder — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:21:37 EDT

@BettyCrocker:
Cindy calls it Flagstaff.

fileunder

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

rosaluxembourgeoise — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:21:37 EDT

@collegecallgirl: And yet you took the stuttering, incredulous, and largely inchoate words right out of my mouth.

rosaluxembourgeoise

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:21:06 EDT

39. Will write the 15,000th comment in VirusWithShoes' FNFF post.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:20:29 EDT

38. Doesn't believe a damn thing Gandalf says.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:20:20 EDT

38. Has a secret man-crush on Tom Jones.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:19:52 EDT

37. Majored in poli-sci and comparative biology at the University of Phoenix.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:18:11 EDT

36. Occasionally stands in for Ronn Torrossian.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:17:54 EDT

35. Considers John McCain's colon his best friend.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:17:36 EDT

35. Once said "HeLLO! It's been more than FOUR HOURS!!!"

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Rrrrttt — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:16:55 EDT

29. Goes by 'Straight Cock Express'

Rrrrttt

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:16:35 EDT

34. Thought "The Audacity of Hope" was utter shit.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:16:20 EDT

34. Helped to write a bill outlawing cold water which causes shrinkage.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:15:23 EDT

33. Dodged sniper fire in war-torn Bosnia after making a corkscrew landing.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:14:32 EDT

32. Will kick Ralph Nader's ass.

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Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:14:30 EDT

30. His Penis is like a Giant Squid's capable of unleashing a firehose-strength amount of semen.

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:13:28 EDT

31. Hates books, cooks, hooks, kooks, looks, nooks, Ooks, and rooks.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:10:48 EDT

29. Back in the day used to work as a roadie for Tommy Lee's penis.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:10:11 EDT

29. Drives a Ford.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

KarenUhOh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:09:25 EDT

30. Was harshly rebuffed by George W. Bush during 2000 Iowa Caucus.

KarenUhOh

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Cheap Shot — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:08:40 EDT

No Penis action For Old Man

Cheap Shot

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:08:15 EDT

28. Says Steve Forbes stole the idea for a "flat tax" from him.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:07:34 EDT

27. Won't go on vacation in the Virgin Islands, on principle.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:06:44 EDT

26. His Penis is Old. And Dead.

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Rumpelstilskin — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:05:28 EDT

Wa-a-a-it! Doesn't Cindy refer to it as "Swiftboat"?

Rumpelstilskin

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:04:52 EDT

25. Wants to give "Last Call With Carson Daly" one more chance because he sees himself in Carson Daly. Figuratively. He thinks.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:03:53 EDT

25. Favorite joke: "The penis, mightier than the sword."

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:03:41 EDT

24. Is very good friends with torture victim John Wayne Bobbitt's penis.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:02:51 EDT

23. Will singlehandedly deliver Ohio, Florida, Texas and Nebraska for the Republicans.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:01:44 EDT

22. Wears a loincloth that says "Don't Tread On Me"

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:54 EDT

21. Is responsible for filling all the reservoirs in the state of Arizona.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BettyCrocker — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:37 EDT

19. He calls it "Rovey".

BettyCrocker

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Lonesome_George — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:31 EDT

18. Flutters in the wind regally like our nation's flag.

Lonesome_George

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 16:00:24 EDT

20. Likes to utter "Don't Cross Swords!!!" in the company of men.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:59:26 EDT

19. Refuses to stay at the Hanoi Hilton.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:58:45 EDT

18. Was one of the founding members of the Puppetry of the Penis show and would nightly re-enact the Fall of Saigon.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:56:43 EDT

17. Was one of "Roll Call's weirdest Covers of 2008."

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BullfightsOnAcid — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:55:34 EDT

16. When he kept saying "The Surge is working" he wasn't referring to Iraq.

BullfightsOnAcid

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:55:29 EDT

16. Is how he got Joe Lieberman to be his friend.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

KarenUhOh — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:55:21 EDT

I think it's reached the point where we have to ask Hannibal Lecter where Rebecca's being held.

KarenUhOh

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

MarlaHooch — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:55:09 EDT

Irish curse...all bags, no pipes

MarlaHooch

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

blogylonian — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:54:45 EDT

"the only reason to seek any kind of companionship with a woman is because your wife isn't touching your penis."
You go on believing THAT!

blogylonian

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:54:44 EDT

15. Calls it "the only Republican Superdelegate."

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:54:16 EDT

14. Is how he got the Nancy Reagan endorsement.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:53:49 EDT

13. Nicknames penis "Grand Old Party... In My Pants!"

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:53:25 EDT

12. "Campaign finance reform" euphemism for shaving pubes.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Bell County — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:53:23 EDT

12. The longer he and it are together, the more they look alike.

Bell County

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BettyCrocker — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:52:29 EDT

11: He hasn't seen it in years, but he misses it terribly and thinks of it often.

BettyCrocker

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:52:10 EDT

@flossy: I nominate fiveinchtaint to write that item.

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

In Other News... — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:51:28 EDT

11. He calls his testicles "Feingold."

In Other News...

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

louisev — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:51:18 EDT

McCain's penis is 100 years long.

louisev

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

flossy — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:50:02 EDT

This recent spate of genital-listicles is a disturbing trend. A right journalistic race to the anus, I say!

flossy

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Cheap Shot — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:49:37 EDT

10. His penis is water torture ready.

Cheap Shot

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

NeverEnough — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:49:23 EDT

His semen is unusually salty.

...

Um, somebody told me that, really.

*slinks off, shamefaced*

NeverEnough

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Clarence Rosario — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:48:28 EDT

9. He had a penis eight hundred miles long and two hundred and ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it was in the fourth dimension.

Clarence Rosario

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

fiveinchtaint — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:47:52 EDT

8. When erect, it's still shorter than his ball sack.

fiveinchtaint

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

hypocriteoath — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:47:34 EDT

this commodification of the male genitalia must stop now if men want true equalit... oh, wait... never mind.

hypocriteoath

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

moff — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:46:50 EDT

@collegecallgirl: Nailed it.

moff

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Helman — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:46:17 EDT

@Nard38: Oh I so hope that is true.

Helman

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

mitchel_stevens — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:46:13 EDT

let's just nip this forced meme-feature in the bud, rebecca. i know we've only got a short amount of time left together (two days? four days? until the 31st?)

let's make the best of them.

stop talking about penis. and balls. and john mccain's penis. and balls.

let's talk more about hilarious web video, rick astley and nick douglas.

thanks.

mitchel_stevens

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Unfun — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:46:13 EDT

In my vast experience, the Irish are well-hung. So there's that.

Unfun

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

eXXX — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:46:08 EDT

Most importantly, Obama's penis is way more presidential than McCain's, so we should just elect him and get it over with already.

eXXX

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Bell County — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:45:34 EDT

7. He named it "soft money".

Bell County

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

semiserious — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:45:24 EDT

Although John McCain would like you to believe his penis curves proudly to the right, it actually hangs right down the middle.

semiserious

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

meerkat — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:45:13 EDT

@TheHonJudgeSmails:
Where, and by whom?

meerkat

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

NinaHagen — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:44:20 EDT

@WideStanceRomancer: It's still wearing a helmet?

NinaHagen

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

TheHonJudgeSmails — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:43:28 EDT

I bet it's spotted.

TheHonJudgeSmails

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

WideStanceRomancer — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:42:35 EDT

I thought his penis was still a POW.

WideStanceRomancer

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

Nard — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:42:31 EDT

6. His pubic region is dried with a hair dryer at the gym.*

*Apparently, on their 65th birthday men receive a rulebook stating, among other things, that their pubic region must be blown dry when displayed in public.

Nard

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

allyzay — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:42:10 EDT

ok no i did not want to read that the hair falls out with age.

allyzay

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

BettyCrocker — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:41:35 EDT

That picture, coupled with this post, has driven me to want a very, very dry and cold Martini to calm my shattered nerves. Oh, well, it's 5:00 somewhere.

BettyCrocker

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

flipper baby — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:40:33 EDT

Servicey!

flipper baby

Five Things You Didn't Know About John McCain's Penis

collegecallgirl — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:39:39 EDT

I just don't know what to say anymore.

collegecallgirl