<![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: I too am a Scot, a Glaswegian no less, but I must confess I've never come across this dangerous gerbil you speak of. From the sounds of it, it pales in comparison to the perils of the Lanarkshire Red-Kneed Flying Crapplesprout which can kill......... no, sorry, I can't be bothered.

Still on the arachnid theme, however, I invite you all to fall in love with Charlie Brooker, a fellow arachnophobe and a damn funny one to boot, who says: "Forget religious fanatics: the greatest threat we face today has eight legs and is hiding behind my telly".

Read it here and enjoy: [www.guardian.co.uk]

weelyn

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> I've never seen that costume at a furry convention.

BenderingTime

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @kingsquiddish: who says it's a woman? could't it just as easily be another man? (this leads us to a whole other set of issues.)

slowtraincoming

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: While I love all the Scottish products I own (Highlander Turbo Neck Hair Trimmer (woot!)), my favorite is my diamond-back fur coat. It's unfortunate that I can only wear it when Jupiter is aligned with Mars. Because of the Prophecy and all.

Nard

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: I'm kicking myself for not having thought of that.

Semi-related: [www.tmz.com]

NeverEnough

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: I was kidding. I actually turned my Mom on to it. I was trying to get a rise out of you.

I adore the show. My favorites bits are the panoramic shots.

I look forward to getting the real experience when you marry a certain fellow commenter.

htotheomo

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @htotheomo: I find that show difficult to watch. Think I've seen appx 30 seconds of it over the past 5 years. Most of the Scots accents are false, from what I can gather. It's about as accurate as Brigadoon, in other words.

Over here it plays on Sunday. I think it's specifically designed to send old people to sleep early so they don't need to turn their heating on.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> The New York City Ratts have hired Ronn Torrosiann to coordinate a campaign to improve their public image, fuck you very much.

famousauthor

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: Ever had a palmetto fly? That's totally creepy. I saw a guy who used to hang with Hell's Angels reduced to screaming and flapping around with a broom by this.

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: That's what I hear. So you knew the guy, huh? Definitely the mayor of Weirdoville.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: Did you get that from Monarch of the Glen? My Mom loves that show, but she can only understand half of what they're saying.

htotheomo

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: There have been rumours regarding the aphrodisiac qualities regarding the diamond-back gerbil. Many speak of the tail being "the source of one thousand orgasms" while others believe the right ear contains a substance that mimics the effects of Viagra.

Deep-frying them, though, lessens these qualities, and destroys the vitamin C found naturally in their wee furry coats.

Yes - he was a weirdo.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @sassypants: My fam moved into a new house when I was 13. On our first night there my dad caught one that was crawling across the floor. As if tornadoes, the local obsession with Harry Truman and Mark Twain, and the Arian brotherhood weren't enough to scare any sane person the fuck outta MO!

AuntPeniston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> I knew a guy who used to eat deep-fried diamond-back gerbils religiously on Fridays, right before Shabbos. Something about it gave him the much needed man-fuel for complying with his duties to his wife... or something. He was a weirdo.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: You are a devil, sir.

htotheomo

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @sassypants: Yowzah.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: How did I come to posses your phone number?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: My immediate response was to lean to my friend and growl "I want to go home Right. Now." She refuse to bolt (she's a braver soul than I) so I waited in the car. In 100 degree heat.

sassypants

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: I'm confused at your confusion - can you elaborate?

@Lycosidae: The deep-fried Mars Bar has more calories, but is less instantly-deadly when compared to deep-fried diamond-back gerbil. The gerbil is crunchier, though.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Lycosidae: The gerbil sticks to your ribs and puts hair on your chest. The Mars bar just gives you the runs.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: Scotland...Scotland. So, on both taste and nutrition comparison scales, how would a deep-fried diamond-back gerbil compare with a deep-fried Mars bar?

Lycosidae

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: How do you figure in re: your digits? I'm confused.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @sassypants: "she turned to me and sweetly replied 'No, honey, those are tarantula holes. But don't worry, they only come out at night.'

This, of course, occurred as the sun was setting."

To which I would have responded, "Check, please!"

Jeez. Gave me the heebie-jeebies...

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: I am totally with you on the roach thing. Each time I see one, it shaves days off my life. Worst moment was when I woke up to see one about 16 inches from my face on my nightstand. Now I sleep with a can of Raid (even though this happened 2 years ago). Turns out my next door neighbors had a wicked buggy problem but refused to let the exterminator in.

@AuntPeniston: I don't do spiders. Ever. Especially not the ones that are the size of my hand. A friend of mine built a house in the islands (off of PR). She was doing some landscaping and was looking into some sprinkler system (don't ask) that involved putting water fixtures in the ground so it created small holes near the plant (again, don't ask). We visited another house on the island to get some ideas for plants and whatnot. When I looked at the ground, there were (what seemed like) hundreds of golf -ball-sized holes everywhere. When I asked the crazy garden lady if these were the holes for the sprinkler system, she turned to me and sweetly replied "No, honey, those are tarantula holes. But don't worry, they only come out at night."

This, of course, occurred as the sun was setting. My friend could only coax me out of the car again with beer.

sassypants

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: @VirusWithShoes: I will not elaborate more than to say that we Midwesterners (even those of us who defect) are mighty hearty.

AuntPeniston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: But I have to know how she gets out of the bedroom! @Nard38: Ha, right you are sir!

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: MWAHAHAHA kuddos on shitting cancer!

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Smitros: or a really buff and unshapely woman!

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: That's the greatest love of all.

Nard

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @jann9884: looking at it again i guess the legs are technically in the air so it could be a man... my bad.

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @AuntPeniston: Oh that is truly horrific.

@Unfun: Please don't make her expand on this.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @AuntPeniston: NO! I will not mentally picture that! Do you kill them? Is that legal? I can't imagine the gore if you stepped on a tarantula.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> The only thing that might be worse than cockroaches are tarantulas, which are native to the area where I grew up. Once there was one crawling around inside the light fixture in my bedroom. So for all of you planning your dream vacation to rural Missouri, keep this in mind.

AuntPeniston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @BettyCrocker: I believe it.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: Yay! I haz a new friend! You've got impeccable taste.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: @bjonston:

There is nothing more venomous than the sting of the East Williston WASP. They can silence hordes of unruly children with a raised eyebrow, glare a husband-stealing trollop straight into a one way trip to a moving van, and move a neighbor's encroaching fence without touching it.

The female of the species is particularly dangerous. I once saw one reduce a pushy woman to tears in a supermarket by saying: "Oh, no. Really. After you." And if you say something inappropriate and they wordlessly get up and leave the room, you're done for, because they haven't really left.

The only antidote is to marry a hunky Italian cop who speaks Brooklynese and likes to hug.

Oh, hi Mom!

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: I agree with Unfun.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: Alright, I'm giving you a commie in 1989 for that one.

Bell County

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: I'm not from anywhere you're likely to end up anyhow. And if you do, you'll probably hear banjos playing while you canoe down the river. Though now I can whack (barehanded if need be) a NYC roach and not even stop to cringe.

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: I think one of the things I love about you is that even though you are wicked brilliant, it sometimes takes you a few seconds to get the joke. It's endearing. God, you are sexy. (taking a cue from Nard and leaving myself little lovely comments)

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: I've heard about them, and hope to never meet one. You have my sympathy. And my telephone number for some reason.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: ewwwwwwww that made my skin crawl. Seems that you managed quite the Journey to flee. I'm sure it Took Your (My) Breath Away.

Henifer Hropes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @VirusWithShoes: I'll take the Pepsi challenge on your diamond-back gerbil any day of the week. Southern Florida Chickens eat radioactive gerbils for breakfast.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @RocketSurgeon: Where are you from? Remind me never to go there.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Colonel Mustard: Ha! Alright. Enuff-Z-Nuff.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Scorpions are nothing. We don't have the warm climate in Scotland to support that kind of arachnid, but what we do have is the diamond-back gerbil. Originally a native of Southern France, it was imported here for a laugh back in 1859 by a drunken tobogganist of ill-repute. Ferocious and inherently untrustworthy, the diamond-back gerbil can strip the flesh from a policeman in thirty minutes. Its poison is more toxic than fifteen cobras, and its claws can rip open the roof of a small car driving at 35mph in a residential area. Each diamond-back gerbil can give birth to around 360,000 more gerbils each Spring, with an additional 400 in Winter just to be sure. Its urine is used in chemical warfare training - one drop on bare skin is enough to make an adult male speak like David Beckham before his nose screams and his teeth burst into flames. The kidneys of a diamond-back gerbil are highly radioactive, with a half-life of over 3000 years, and have to be handled with lead gloves by two men on a trampoline. The eyes of a diamond-back can see movement four years away, enabling it to kill children before they even begin school. Although only approximately 5 inches in length, each can weigh up to 40 pounds, and can devour an entire Indian restaurant within ten minutes of opening. It also shits cancer.

VirusWithShoes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @AndIAmTellingYou: No, but right back atcha, dear.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @NeverEnough: Soulmates? Never heard of 'em. I thought we were doing metal bands. But that's cool. I can dig it, yo.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: Thanks for starting the puns. I'm putting out a Warrant for your arrest.

Colonel Mustard

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: These inhabited my high school. You've never shuddered until you've heard them scurrying across a darkened gymnasium. [en.wikipedia.org]

RocketSurgeon

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: Soulmates.

NeverEnough

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> "Always use condoms when having sex with a scorpion."

Also- cover backside with bathtub or similar metal armor-like item. It's a bit clunky.

Itsjustcatnip

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Love the top two!

McCheeburger

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @NeverEnough: Yeah. In their prime they were a regular Dragonforce. Now they're just a sacrificial Lamb of God with a busted Krokus.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> The Scorpions get their Kix from roaming the Badlands in search of the Britney Foxx... they're Tuff.

NeverEnough

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Really? No takers for chickens? Anyone?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> I don't like Scorpios.

Cheap Shot

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @BettyCrocker: Have I told you how much I love you today?

AndIAmTellingYou

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: No, but I've been cool since birth, I was born listening to the Ramones and shit. I never went through a cheesy metal phase. Also, I had an episode of PTSD thinking about American Cockroaches. Shudders...

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: Word. And BTW, Scorpions can Kiss my Tool in the Soundgarden of Mayhem as I Rage Against the Machine.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Hmmmm. What about chickens?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: word play kix ass.

@Unfun: Ha! What, were you born in the '80s?

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> This is Cacophony is approaching Overkill...

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @kingsquiddish:
Is that thing on top a man?

Smitros

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: OH it was a joke!!!!!!! You music dorks.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @CodePink: all albino animals look like the pets of a Marvel supervillan

roodles

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: RATTS with two t's? Are those the NYC variety that are the size of bunnies?

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: i see your schwartz is as big as mine is... well done sir. carry on.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Henifer Hropes: Ew, they took over my last apartment. Well, not really, but I'd see at least one daily towards the end. I'm seriously traumatized for life. They are the size of small rodents. And yet they are quick as lightening! They invade my nightmares.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: I was attacked by WASPs.

Sarcastro

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: You betcha. Makes me wonder if maybe megadeath by anthrax poisoning isn't the way to go. Hey did you hear the one about the guy who was mauled to death by a wild pantera in linkin park?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: Wasps slaughter them - extreme poison!

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Unfun: AGREED! phew! I'm not aloneeeee

Henifer Hropes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> i wonder if, during sex, the scorpion shouts "TOASTY!"

mitchel_stevens

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @NeverEnough: Of course they are. But what do you think about wyld stallyons?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: @CodePink: They make me want to run to the hills. But Judas Priest, those jackyls? They are twisted, sister.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> and cockroaches disgust me a LOT more than scorpions ever will.

Henifer Hropes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @kingsquiddish: The mouth parts are key.

No, seriously!

digitalsmoothie

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @jann9884: well, it ain't facing down y'know...

Henifer Hropes

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Sorry, anyone in NYC would disagree. The American Cockroach, aka palmetto bug, aka why I moved out of my last apartment even though it was dirt cheap and next to a large park, is way nastier than that.

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Would have been great if I saw that first ad before I made hot passionate love to a tall, dark, and handsome arachnid. But whatever.

beirut

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: or what about deaf leopards?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @bjonston: Great Whites are deadly.

NeverEnough

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @kingsquiddish: ...who said it was a woman?

jann9884

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: Yes, agreed. White snakes and rats are very scary.

CodePink

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> they make great paperweights!

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> do you think she used that nose photo in her book for her next gig?

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @dado: actually, they're more like cockroaches of the sea. but who's splitting hairs. nasty either way.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: what about white lions?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @fiveinchtaint: \m/

antisocialite

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> I stopped eating lobsters when I realized that they were the Scorpions of the Sea.

dado

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @hypocriteoath: arachnids can be considered bugs however not insects

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Reaction:

1) GAH! And yet, I bet the model had a boner.

2) Where's my Oxo peeler, a Corningware, 2 tablespoons of water, some honey, butter, and tarragon?

3) Her lip gloss really be poppin'! And all the boys be stoppin'.

BettyCrocker

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> White snakes scare me more. And ratts.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Never having sex again, eating carrots or drinking Stella.
(Gawd -- what were they thinking with that last one?)

PandoraSpocks

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> @Ha Ha Sound: link???

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> wait, are scorpions even bugs? I thought arachnids were different...

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> why is the woman the scorpion?

kingsquiddish

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> The first image is a rather striking allusion to the Bush administration's love affair with Lady Liberty. Non?

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> I still think that graphic going around the Internet of a clitoris Photoshopped onto Hillary's face is far more disturbing in its own kind of way. And I say that as a guy who truly, truly appreciates the wonders of the clitoris.

Ha Ha Sound

]]> <![CDATA[Shocking The Public With Scorpions]]> Oh, I like those ads!!! Am I a perv?

CodePink

]]>