<![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> i wonder if the effect would be the same if instead of forced injection they had shown them how to do rails...

wait4it

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Just image how bad things would have gotten for Lindsay Lohan had she lived in a cardboard box instead of the Chateau Marmont?

NeonJordan

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> As if doing lines off macaque is really newsworthy anymore.

hipsterdoofus

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> SADNESS, STRESS, BOREDOM LINKED TO INCREASED DRUG USE, TOTALLY OBVIOUS STUDY SHOWS

swizzard

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @DoctorEcks: Ditto that.

donmiguel

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BLOW YOU DAAAAMN DIRTY APE!" RIP Chuck.

DoctorEcks

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> As if monkeys weren't already evil, strung out little creatures? They had to make it worse? I shall lie awake tonight convinced that these coked-out simian devils lurk under my bed.

A monkey bit me once. I clearly still have issues.

goodgodno

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> This whole food-or-cocaine thing is so sciencey. Wouldn't coke-or-heroin be a more interesting test? How about spaghetti-or-meatballs, eh? More advanced tests could include marijuana-or-acid-or-coke-or-heroin-or-speed. I suppose food should be a choice in that one, if only to lengthen the testing period.

8Millionth

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> And most importantly, how dare they shot up those poor monk monks. These geniuses could not find other methods for their research!

BeachLover

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> "It suggests that a better environment could alleviate at least some of the risk that individuals will turn to drugs."

"Um NO!!!! Not if you remember the halcyon days of coke. And worked on Wall Street in the 80's. And do not even start on the nicer environments. HA!!! (So many stories running through my mind I can almost taste it!!)

BeachLover

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> I imagine the monkey as being a heavy smoker, look at those wrinkles around its lips! Looks like someone's been on a few too many "do an eight-ball while pacing around the apartment for five hours" kinda nights.
It never helps when your apartment is actually a studio with a Murphy Bed. Or a monkey cage. But at least in the cage it's ACCEPTABLE to relieve yourself on the floor. You do it in your apartment? All of a sudden the DOH is all up in yo' business.

dogisdead

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @Bof: These fucking monkeys will be the end of us. They conspire, they plot, they throw poo. They need destruction.

ian spiegelman

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Those goddamn dirty apes! They told me the same thing Sheila! And all, I got was a lousy T-shirt

Bof

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> I am so sick of Gawker's pro-monkey-mafia agenda. Does Gawker even have any contributers who aren't monkeys?? What is Gawker's monkey connection to the New York Times? Why does every monkey just get a free pass on Gawker while they shove their monkey mandate down our throats?

I thought Hamilton was a dude, but he's just another damned leftist monkey! You're all in league with the Dole banana consortium. Why don't you just admit it? You monkey-loving freaks!

I gotta go pump some steel now, monkey bastards.

ian spiegelman

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> More like macOques monkeys....hey remember that pol dude that referred to some other pol dude as a macaca?

postmanagitator

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @AuntPeniston: chuckle.

HiredGoons

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @Conbon: And finding monkey sized straws is a bitch.

dearheart

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> I mean, instead of the monkeys, that is.

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Fuck this science bullshit. Gimme some drugs!

bjonston

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @agent7: Teehee!

AuntPeniston

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Do you know how hard it is to find a 42L macaque costume???
Now where the hell is Wake Forest University??

D Day

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @AuntPeniston: maybe they should be called the McGibbon lofts...

agent7

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @collegecallgirl: Right, especially when there's so many other species who appreciate it so much more. How about a little love for the sloth?

EasyEVG

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> This explains the McKibbin lofts.

AuntPeniston

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @collegecallgirl: Well they had already built up a tolerance to snorting it.

Conbon

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @misssgolightly: This is why you should never move into previous people's homes. I learned that from my mother. New is always better than used.

oneninesevenfour

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @misssgolightly: Terrible! I feel like I'm going to sleep under the goddamn Milky Way every night.

And what's creepier is that the guy who owns the apartment is a 60 year old math professor. Who is probably a virgin.

My people will call. And we should probably talk to the monkey people as well.

EasyEVG

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @collegecallgirl: You're that stingy with your coke?

Bell County

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> What does this have to do with the picture of Madonna?

SnarkTwain

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> poor monkey

if_i_only_had_a_heart

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @EasyEVG: ahahah when we moved in high school, I was overjoyed to pick the nicest bedroom with attached bathroom. Then I looked up at the ceiling one night and the kid who was there before me put glow-in-the-dark stars on every fucking INCH of it.
I have been known to make power points to convince my parents to do stuff. With bullets, and graphics.
Have your people call my people.

misssgolightly

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @sarahjessicaporker: Did they head to Union Pool after?

Private Hangnail

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Stressed cocaine monkey?
Oh my god Sheila, Rod reads this, you know.

IBentMyWookie

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> I met these monkeys last weekend at Three of Cups. Would not stop chattering for anything. Fifteen minute diatribe on how unrealiable their banana dealer was.

sarahjessicaporker

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @misssgolightly: Ha. Do you think you could help me make this argument to my parents using a powerpoint or something? My current subletted apartment has scary artifacts on the wall and glow-in-the-dark stars on the bedroom ceiling.

C'mon, it'll be fun.

EasyEVG

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> @collegecallgirl: I'd like to see a tortoise shot up with coke. THAT would definitely be worth it, and completely justifiable.

FitnessMadeSimple

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> First the monkey living on the Upper West Side, now this...

HiredGoons

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Macaque-culate... and save.

In Other News...

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Makes sense since the only times I've done coke were when my friend and I would be in his empty apartment after moving all his shit out with nothing but a Stevie Nicks cassette tape and a bottle of gin for the night.

nolongerinacubiclestillawhore

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> I don't know if these findings justify shooting up monkeys with coke. That could be just me, though.

collegecallgirl

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Every time I find myself in a really divey bathroom, chances are it's Saturday and I'm incredibly schnackered.

PimpMyCouch

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> This goes against everything I've learned from MTV Cribs.

FitnessMadeSimple

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> Certain people consider doing coke an interesting activity in and of itself. Sniff.

Sargasm

]]> <![CDATA[Stressed Cocaine Monkeys Just Like Us]]> "DADDY, I TOLD YOU! IF YOU BUY ME A BIGGER, NICER APARTMENT, I'LL STOP DOING COKE! LOOK, IT WORKED FOR MONKEYS!"

misssgolightly

]]>