The Faithful Departed Morons - Gawker Comments

The Faithful Departed Morons

BalknChain — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 17:43:08 EDT

Good Lord! Mike was executed? Hope to see his quick ressurection.

BalknChain

The Faithful Departed Morons

Hez — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 23:28:43 EDT

"Going out for a sandwich" is the new getting shot in the face.

Hez

The Faithful Departed Morons

UnstableMabel — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:50:32 EDT

Mike!? Poor sod pops out for a sandwich and look what happens. I like him being around too, he can be very interesting and seems to be a genuinely nice person.

UnstableMabel

The Faithful Departed Morons

Hez — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:22:23 EDT

@AndSheSaid: That's why they pay me the huuuuge commenter bucks. And why I am drinking a rusty nail now after having only ingested tea today. I see stars everywhere now!! Pretty!

Hez

The Faithful Departed Morons

SheWalkedWithAZombie — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:06:50 EDT

@Hez: You are not just around on evenings and weekends. You are also amusing.

SheWalkedWithAZombie

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cassandra — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:17:47 EDT

@Hez: Speaking of which! I somehow obtained a star.

cassandra

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Hez — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:19:45 EDT

@Ryan Tate: I'm one of those 10 (and apparently one of the five you didn't give a commie to, RyRy). Dang if the clubs I'm in don't just keep getting more and more exclusive.

Hez

The Faithful Departed Morons

ian spiegelman — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:06:44 EDT

@Ryan Tate: Seconded... Except I liked having him around on the weekends.

ian spiegelman

The Faithful Departed Morons

Ryan Tate — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:02:18 EDT

Wow, I'm really sad about the Jahn execution. I liked having him around, esp at night when only 10 of you were awake.

Ryan Tate

The Faithful Departed Morons

raincoaster — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:44:18 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: I think Moff is immortal.

raincoaster

The Faithful Departed Morons

belltolls — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:09:03 EDT

This is for you Mike as a rememberance of your gawkier days.

belltolls

The Faithful Departed Morons

McCheeburger — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:07:12 EDT

@Nic Fit: The mark of the squealer is now forever yours.

McCheeburger

The Faithful Departed Morons

Unfun — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:45:03 EDT

If I had to guess, I'm saying Mike wrote his obituary by commenting incessantly. Otherwise he was a good lad, we'll miss em.

Unfun

The Faithful Departed Morons

Unfun — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:38:24 EDT

@Nic Fit: Seriously, that dude needs to fucking go.

Unfun

The Faithful Departed Morons

KarenUhOh — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:25:08 EDT

Have trouble finishing sentences too.

I don't want to come back here Monday and find the house a mess. OK?

KarenUhOh

The Faithful Departed Morons

KarenUhOh — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:23:45 EDT

@CodePink: I'm here. I'll stay as long as they'll have me. I hope everyone continues to play fair and smart. It's what we're about!

I'm taking a day off because I do care, and because I don't want to go totally stupid. Which would be, like, highly entertaining for a bit, but without a long shelf life. Plus I'm kind of a bleeder. Who has trouble spelling when excited.

I just want you people--dead, alive--those in limbo--those dancing the limbo--those who are maybe not yet fully-formed, or who lack limbs--I love you all just too darn much.

KarenUhOh

The Faithful Departed Morons

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:03:16 EDT

@Hamud: I would go along with that, to the extent that I believe Acura TSK to be a front for the NSA.

Their back-end systems are parsing the Gawker Connectedness Index even as we sit here and mourn the Jahn-passing.

Joining dots, executing dissenters - nothing changes, apart from the dates.

VirusWithShoes

The Faithful Departed Morons

Swifter — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:53:49 EDT

@Smitros: I now know more than I ever wanted to. Uh...thanks, I guess.

@Hamud: A lot of truthiness in that.

Swifter

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:52:51 EDT

@KarenUhOh: (I'm glad you're here. I thought you were leaving there for a minute.)

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

Hamud Ibn Hamud — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:48:02 EDT

@VirusWithShoes:

"Can we nominate those with a higher connectedness index too?"

You don't need to be John Le Carré to see this set-up for what it is.

Certain distinct terms spring to mind, such as "yellowcake," for example, or "fertile material" and its useful contrast, "fissile material."

There's also a very definite attitude at work, one that perceives the heart of Africa's latent potential as a vast enrichment facility.

"Connectedness" is a valuable asset when you need to facilitate a smooth transaction of goods and services between, say, Niamey, Pyongyang, and Damascus.

When the smoothness, or even viability, of such a transaction relies entirely upon "connectedness," having an index of it at your fingertips would largely be regarded as convenient.

Hamud Ibn Hamud

The Faithful Departed Morons

KarenUhOh — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:46:33 EDT

I for one would like to seek papal dispensation for Mike Jahn. I liked him, too.

Oh, yeah. Crochety? I wasn't executed. I think you're confusing me with Warren Oates in Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia. I played "Al."

KarenUhOh

The Faithful Departed Morons

Smitros — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:40:57 EDT

@Swifter:

A Google image search will tell you all you need to know.

Smitros

The Faithful Departed Morons

Swifter — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:31:11 EDT

@Smitros: I don't know who that is.

Swifter

The Faithful Departed Morons

CopyofBlueboy — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:25:31 EDT

I just came back from an adventure. In Narnia. What'd I miss?

CopyofBlueboy

The Faithful Departed Morons

Pope John Peeps II — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:12:30 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: Or because when you say it that way, you are reminded of Deiter from Schprockets, and you really miss the old SNL when it was laugh out loud funny, instead of polite-dinnertime chuckle funny.

Pope John Peeps II

The Faithful Departed Morons

Bell County — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:11:39 EDT

@CodePink: Did his commenter status say "Mike_Jahn is on the road again" before this post? I gotta think he'll be back, this is such a senseless death.

Bell County

The Faithful Departed Morons

McCheeburger — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:08:23 EDT

@Itsjustcatnip: Who told you about my weekend plans!?

McCheeburger

The Faithful Departed Morons

Itsjustcatnip — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:05:43 EDT

@McCheeburger: Probably there was a blind eye turned due to the whole "racial issues make everybody angry" phenomenom. On a regular post though, that would have been like playing Russian Roulette with a full clip.

Itsjustcatnip

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:05:34 EDT

Mike_Jahn is loving this so hard right now. God.

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

Smitros — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:58:27 EDT

@Swifter:

"Then, bear baiting!"

Kind sir, what did Andrew Sullivan ever do to you?

Smitros

The Faithful Departed Morons

flipper baby — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:56:11 EDT

Mike got brutalized.

flipper baby

The Faithful Departed Morons

McCheeburger — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:53:47 EDT

Unless my conduct improves dramatically, I do hereby nominate myself for the next round of executions.

Also, my condolences to the dearly departed, even the rat bastard tw@ts who sucked the life out every thread they touched.

McCheeburger

The Faithful Departed Morons

NeverEnough — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:50:28 EDT

Mike_Jahn? Really?!

NeverEnough

The Faithful Departed Morons

Bell County — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:46:47 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: Bang!

Bell County

The Faithful Departed Morons

fiveinchtaint — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:44:23 EDT

@Jack Ketch: Did you off Mike because you were pronouncing his last name as "Yawn"?

fiveinchtaint

The Faithful Departed Morons

fiveinchtaint — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:43:16 EDT

@CodePink: Yes! Steak. Good batch today. None of that sinewy, underdone crap you sometimes get. And guac, of course. It's Friday!

fiveinchtaint

The Faithful Departed Morons

cassandra — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:41:47 EDT

Awww, I liked Mike. And he had a star! No one is safe.

cassandra

The Faithful Departed Morons

IBentMyWookie — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:39:27 EDT

@MisterHippity: He were boooooooooooring and self-involved.

I mean, so am I, but still.

IBentMyWookie

The Faithful Departed Morons

meerkat — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:39:06 EDT

Wow - Mike Jahn gets the axe and Priam still lives?

meerkat

The Faithful Departed Morons

fileunder — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:38:46 EDT

Mike_Jahn "knows people," that's all I know.

fileunder

The Faithful Departed Morons

MyCubeHas3Sides — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:38:33 EDT

Whew, made it through another Execution.
Okay, all, who's up for some Survivor Sex this weekend?

MyCubeHas3Sides

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:37:40 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: Chipotle burrito bowl?

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

SnarkTwain — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:35:42 EDT

I am picturing Mike_Jahn returning to the screen with a mouthful of club on wheat and befuddled look of shock. Allow me to pour out some liquor and say booo, hissssss.

When I die, I'm going to haunt the fuck out of you people.

SnarkTwain

The Faithful Departed Morons

fiveinchtaint — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:35:12 EDT

I just executed a burrito bowl. Good goddamned heavens it was tasty.

fiveinchtaint

The Faithful Departed Morons

MisterHippity — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:35:00 EDT

Allow me to join the ranks of those who don't understand the Mike Jahn execution.

Also, it would help if you could link at least one of the ssteele comments you were offended by. I tried to read a few, but couldn't figure it out from what I saw.

Also, allow me to compliment you on your silky black robe and gleaming scythe, Mr. Ketch. They are most becoming, Mr. Ketch. Please don't take offense at the comments above, Mr. Ketch.

MisterHippity

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:31:11 EDT

@Sarcastro: No, I know! So was I. Ugh. Sarcasm in response to a joke never ever ever works out. You're funny, we're all good.

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

rod — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:28:28 EDT

Inconsistent character voice, Ketchy.

rod

The Faithful Departed Morons

DonPardoCalrissian — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:27:28 EDT

Mike_Jahn getting executed is my new euphemism for the Shocker.

DonPardoCalrissian

The Faithful Departed Morons

Sarcastro — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:27:25 EDT

@CodePink: I was making joke. Not correcting the Pink.

Sarcastro

The Faithful Departed Morons

crotchety — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:16:06 EDT

Hey Mike, stay cool. Once just to get our attention they executed all the most popular kids including, if I recall correctly, KarenUhOh. You're in some fine company.

If memory serves, KUO came back right there in the execution post. That's a hint.

crotchety

The Faithful Departed Morons

Bell County — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:15:27 EDT

@Nard38: No, when an execution is nigh, I beat it.

Bell County

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:14:36 EDT

@moff: Thank God for that.
@Sarcastro: Yeah, so, I'm still right.
@Bell County: Better than mine.

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

Pope John Peeps II — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:12:42 EDT

@Nic Fit: In celebration, I'm going back to check out that Paris Review intern photo.

Woot!

Also shouts out to the Papal pun commenter thread. Good times, people. good times.

Pope John Peeps II

The Faithful Departed Morons

Nic Fit — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:08:02 EDT

@Nard38: I love how this thread is devolving into the kind of discussions we have about "The Shocker".

Maybe we are all feeling a little free having survived another week?

Nic Fit

The Faithful Departed Morons

Nard — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:06:01 EDT

@Bell County: If Jack needs help executing, will you help Jack off (the offender)?

Nard

The Faithful Departed Morons

Swifter — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:05:41 EDT

Tyburn Cross runs yet again with the blood of the slain and I revel in escaping the axe. Beef, ale, and thanks to our Heavenly Lord await. Then, bear baiting!

Swifter

The Faithful Departed Morons

In Other News... — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:04:27 EDT

Tina Fey saves us again. Thank you, Tina Fey, for being so great, awesome and cute. Now we pour libations.

In Other News...

The Faithful Departed Morons

Conbon — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:04:18 EDT

@moff: @Jack Ketch: I nominate moff, on behalf of everyone.

Conbon

The Faithful Departed Morons

Itsjustcatnip — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:03:30 EDT

For whom the Cheeburger Tolls?

Itsjustcatnip

The Faithful Departed Morons

Dickdogfood — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:02:41 EDT

:( I miss Mike J. already.

I half-expected to be executed for admitting I really really don't like the Replacements.

Dickdogfood

The Faithful Departed Morons

Bell County — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:02:08 EDT

@Nic Fit: Ay ay ay.

Bell County

The Faithful Departed Morons

Bell County — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:01:34 EDT

@CodePink: I thought it was "Jack rubs one out."

Ah, gallows humor.

Bell County

The Faithful Departed Morons

Nic Fit — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:00:41 EDT

@Sarcastro: Actually I prefer "rub one out" or "choke the chicken".

Nic Fit

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Sarcastro — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:59:25 EDT

@CodePink: That term is also what some use as a euphemism for masturbation.

Sarcastro

The Faithful Departed Morons

DorothyMantooth — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:58:53 EDT

Best! Accompanying photo! Ever!
Carnevale could learn a lesson or two.

(Just kidding, AC!)

DorothyMantooth

The Faithful Departed Morons

Moff — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:58:01 EDT

@CodePink: You're still very pretty!

@Jack Ketch: I nominate Conbon on behalf of Smails!

Moff

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:57:27 EDT

What do you call it when a commenter dies?
Jacking off.
GET IT?

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

Bell County — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:57:22 EDT

@Jack Ketch: Neigborhood watch or Red Scare? Send TIPS to GawkerExecutioner@gmail.com

Bell County

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Sarcastro — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:56:44 EDT

@Colonel Mustard: Defenestration!

Sarcastro

The Faithful Departed Morons

sailor — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:56:26 EDT

@SW-2:

Already other elder rock critics in the community.

Plus Mike will probably be back before you know it.

sailor

The Faithful Departed Morons

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:56:18 EDT

@Jack Ketch: Can we nominate those with a higher connectedness index too?

VirusWithShoes

The Faithful Departed Morons

sassypants — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:54:58 EDT

@Clarence Rosario: Heh. Do you know where Jack can get one?

sassypants

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sassypants — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:52:40 EDT

Oh!! Mike_Jahn??? But..but...but, he was a good guy! And he said he was sorry!

*sniff* Mike? I look forward to your reincarnation. That's the only reason to believe in karma. Look at how well IndianSlipper did!

sassypants

The Faithful Departed Morons

iplaudius — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:52:23 EDT

@Nic Fit: Never apologize! Never explain! Never concede!

iplaudius

The Faithful Departed Morons

Jack Ketch — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:51:33 EDT

Perhaps you all should nominate those you find offensive.

Jack Ketch

The Faithful Departed Morons

Conbon — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:51:31 EDT

@Nic Fit: I endorse that position!

Conbon

The Faithful Departed Morons

SW-2 — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:51:12 EDT

Alas! Now Robert Christgau has to step up and get a gawker commenter account to fill the elder rock critic-sized gap in this community.

SW-2

The Faithful Departed Morons

Clarence Rosario — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:49:14 EDT

@SarahHeartburn: Perhaps the executioner needs a McCheeburger.

Clarence Rosario

The Faithful Departed Morons

Nic Fit — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:49:08 EDT

By not executing the guy who called Smails a "tool" this morning, are you endorsing his position?

Nic Fit

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:48:30 EDT

@CodePink: OR A CHARACTER ON LOST. ALMOST CLEVER, BUT NOT QUITE.

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

SarahHeartburn — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:48:07 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: Tape a "Cathy" or "Family Circus" cartoon to his computer screen. The horror, the horror...

SarahHeartburn

The Faithful Departed Morons

CodePink — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:47:57 EDT

Being a commenter on Gawker is like being a commenter on Lost--when you've been killed, it's kinda cooler.

CodePink

The Faithful Departed Morons

Moff — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:47:53 EDT

@Pope John Peeps II: (Much relieved. The love is mutual.)

Moff

The Faithful Departed Morons

SarahHeartburn — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:47:14 EDT

@Nic Fit: Perhaps the executioner needs a sandwich, too. Or a clafoutis.

SarahHeartburn

The Faithful Departed Morons

Moff — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:46:37 EDT

@SarahHeartburn: Well, at least Jack didn't call him a moron.

@VirusWithShoes: I'M PUTTING MYSELF ON THE LINE IN THE NAME OF PUBLIC SERVICE.

@Jack Ketch: That makes perfect sense, sir.

@Pope John Peeps II: It's certainly not a point I'd lay even my fake life on the line to defend, if it came to that.

Moff

The Faithful Departed Morons

Colonel Mustard — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:46:23 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: Or you could just push him out a window. See, that's why that movie made no sense.

Colonel Mustard

The Faithful Departed Morons

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:44:17 EDT

@Pope John Peeps II: I think you'll find you kill a man with no fear by tickling him with a kitten on a pole wearing a little hat.

VirusWithShoes

The Faithful Departed Morons

Nic Fit — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:44:00 EDT

Wow, and Mike actually apologized for the (supposedly) offending comment in his next comment.

The executioner has no mercy.

Nic Fit

The Faithful Departed Morons

The Real JR — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:43:43 EDT

But- but... Mike was the champion of NOLA underpaid firefighters while talking about something else EVERYWHERE!!

The Real JR

The Faithful Departed Morons

Pope John Peeps II — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:42:19 EDT

@Pope John Peeps II: (also, I don't really want him executed. Me loves the moff).

Pope John Peeps II

The Faithful Departed Morons

lawyergay — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:41:55 EDT

Awww...Mike_Jahn. I predict a haunting.

lawyergay

The Faithful Departed Morons

Pope John Peeps II — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:41:49 EDT

I think Moff should have been executed for fake-defending the movie Daredevil. Even though it was obviously fake (I hope!), that should stil incur some punishment.

How do you kill a man with no fear. You put the fear in him! FUUUUCCCKKK YYOOOOUUUUU.

Pope John Peeps II

The Faithful Departed Morons

Itsjustcatnip — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:41:29 EDT

Severe hunger is not an excuse? He 'pologized.

Itsjustcatnip

The Faithful Departed Morons

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:40:49 EDT

@moff: Is commenting on a wrong link an executable offence?

Not that I'm saying it was wrong myself - just differently-correct, IMHO.

(ducks)

VirusWithShoes

The Faithful Departed Morons

SarahHeartburn — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:40:44 EDT

@moff: Yeah, I beg a bit of mercy for Mike. Not all that bad. Besides, have some pity for those of us in the upper end of the age range. God knows we're going to keel over soon enough anyway.

SarahHeartburn

The Faithful Departed Morons

hypocriteoath — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:40:26 EDT

and yes, Tina Fey deserves better from us all... except me... If I loved her any more I would be stalking her online.

hypocriteoath

The Faithful Departed Morons

Jack Ketch — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:40:18 EDT

@moff: It was too odious a task to link 90% of his comment history.

Jack Ketch

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Moff — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:38:10 EDT

Oh, Mike, that's too bad. (Not being snarky here.) And I enjoyed Tomatoes' screen name.

(Also, Jack: With all due respect, SSteele's offending comment isn't linked correctly.)

Moff

The Faithful Departed Morons

TheHonJudgeSmails — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:38:00 EDT

But Morrisey DOES care! Deeply!

TheHonJudgeSmails