Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money. - Gawker Comments

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

mz_wysiwyg — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:56:32 EDT

Can't sing, can't act, can't design clothes, can't cook. Can bump uglies and produce twins, so she's not completely useless afterall. What a relief.

mz_wysiwyg

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

bess marvin, girl detective — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:07:55 EDT

and i'm not a j-lo apologist kids, but if you're gonna hate on her, at least bring something good to the table than making fun of her nose and what she names her children

bess marvin, girl detective

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

bess marvin, girl detective — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:07:11 EDT

@ineffable.me: not naming her kids jose and maria doesn't make her any less proud of her latin roots.

bess marvin, girl detective

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

bess marvin, girl detective — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:04:39 EDT

@gunshy007: is that the best snark you can come up with?

bess marvin, girl detective

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

In Other News... — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:16:06 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: Do amoebas have safe a-sex?

In Other News...

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Mediahohoho — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:12:50 EDT

@Smitros: Have you seen these kids? [rimshot]

Thanks, folks, I'll be here all week.

Mediahohoho

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Smitros — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:53:40 EDT

When I was growing up in Illinois it was considered a point of honor to make money only off of your four-legged livestock.

Smitros

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Mediahohoho — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:39:30 EDT

@crotchety: Yeah, little bugger showed up early. Fills me with unbelievable joy, but in no way do I believe others would have that same reaction. This is what the word "personal" is for. When I hear of people selling baby pictures to celebrity magazines, another word comes to mind. That word is "whore."

Mediahohoho

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Nard — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:34:34 EDT

@BoBoFlo: And on the cover of "People" she's all about looking like the dark-haired version of Amaya, the fat-faced lady from "Real World: Hawaii."

Nard

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

ineffable.me — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:31:52 EDT

@BoBoFlo: which is why its so weird she gave the babies the most unhispanic names ever.

ineffable.me

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

BoBoFlo — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:27:20 EDT

What's the most annoying about her is how she transforms her image according to the guys she's dating. With P.Diddy, she was all hip hop. With Ben Affleck, she was all "serious" hollywood actress. With Marc Anthony, she's all about her Latin roots.

BoBoFlo

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:25:37 EDT

@mmh: Procreation is a simple act. Just look at how many of us there are. And how even the most idiotic manage it day and daily.

What you describe is gestation. Another kettle of fish. Especially if you are a fish.

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

mmh — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:17:48 EDT

I hate her. Hate her, honestly beyond reason.

And while I quarrel with the characterization of the 'simple act of procreation' (from 2 cells to an entire miniature human in 38 weeks? Nothing simple about that), it has been done before, indeed many, many times.

And those babies, as noted above, are just not cute.

mmh

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

crotchety — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:12:34 EDT

@Mediahohoho: People comes to this office because the employees like it. I let it lapse once and they started bringing in copies of "Us" and "In Touch" which, having seen how bad they are, I promptly forbade and and sent a check to People.

If there were a way to do it I'd skip all Celebrity Baby! issues and ask for a credit so People would know how much I dislike them.

And I don't even hate babies or parents. But I'm sure your kid is the cutest ever. And congratulations, I didn't realized it had been born.

crotchety

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:06:17 EDT

@gunshy007: A high-financial return on procreation has a tendency to widen the olfactory nerves to the extent you can smell bananas ripening in the Helsinki branch of Whole Foods.

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Smitros — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:03:47 EDT

@LolCait:
Ving Rhames is a dude?

Smitros

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

ineffable.me — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:00:11 EDT

@Spirit Fingers: Nuyorrican actually. But Nuyorrican shrunken head doesnt sound as funny.

ineffable.me

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

PrincessKashmir — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:59:32 EDT

@Nard38: Peruvian shrunken head! No wonder the one twin looks looks like it belongs in the Ripley's Believe It Or Not museum.

PrincessKashmir

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

shunguy007 — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:58:29 EDT

Is that Jennifer Lopez's real nose on the People cover? Why is it so WIDE?

shunguy007

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

GeekyChic — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:53:40 EDT

I swear, Marc Anthony looks like he's always in heroin withdrawl.

And while I respect Ms. Lopez' business acumen (cuz' she did work her culo off to get off the block), her politics have always rubbed me the wrong way.

First, use the hip-hop crowd to pump up your stardom (yep, J.LO and P-Diddy all the way).

Then, desert them (and the J.LO title) to become a Hollywood starlet.

Then, become a great businesswoman (but less buzz-worthy and relevant) and use your babies to vault back into the spotlight.

Plus, my aunt works at the hosp where the twins were born and said that Ms. Lopez was hella rude and maddeningly disruptive to the facility's operation.

Bleh.

GeekyChic

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:53:28 EDT

@Mediahohoho: Think of it as a Stupidity-Tax.

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Mediahohoho — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:51:29 EDT

Jesus, my one kid is, like, a million times cuter than her two, and you can see pics of him for free. If you ask. Nicely. But Christ, extorting money from the retards who buy celebrity magazines for this? Really? People I really don't have a problem understanding George W. Bush's presidency in the least.

Mediahohoho

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Spirit Fingers — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:45:48 EDT

Teeming with hilarity, but I think said shrunken head person is actually Puerto Rican, which can be the only basis for which I think she's allowing his shrively peen near her mountainous ass. Also did I mention that those kids look like Tenctoneese love-children? Waiting for Mandy Patinkin and a very old James Caan to claim these cast offs.

Spirit Fingers

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

fileunder — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:43:23 EDT

@VirusWithShoes:
Hee hee.

fileunder

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:38:05 EDT

@fileunder: I sit corrected. Damn my McSpellchecker!

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

EDogII — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:34:53 EDT

That was funny as hell! I'm still convinced that mr. shrunken head could've handled that massive junk with his frail tiny physique.

EDogII

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

fileunder — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:31:21 EDT

@VirusWithShoes:
"I giggled all the way through reading that..."

I know you're Scottish, but it's spelled "giglied."
You're welcome!

fileunder

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

scroll_lock — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:30:27 EDT

@Unfun: Don't forget the capers.

scroll_lock

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Unfun — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:29:29 EDT

@iamrulalenska: My ovaries shriveled and my nipples turned inward.

@scroll_lock: Genitals will be lightly sauteed.

Unfun

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:28:28 EDT

@LolCait: The bad guy out of Flash Gordon?

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

tardbot — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:27:34 EDT

Forget Children of Men... Children of the Corn is more like it.

tardbot

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

fiveinchtaint — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:24:36 EDT

I'm suddenly in the mood for bangers and mash.

fiveinchtaint

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

scroll_lock — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:23:50 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: @Unfun: @Nard38: @In Other News...: "while coping with her big butt..."
@Unfun: Will there be mashing of genitals?!

scroll_lock

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

iamrulalenska — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:23:02 EDT

The visual of them mashing genitals just caused my balls to fall off.

iamrulalenska

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

LolCait — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:22:12 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: I'm actually Ving Rhames.

LolCait

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:20:32 EDT

@Unfun: I was naked already. Obviously.

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:19:35 EDT

@mathnet: Richard was in "Out of Sight"?

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Private Hangnail — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:18:31 EDT

What we've failed to realize is that celebrity children are better than regular children. They look better, they smell better, and their excrement helps combat global warming.

Private Hangnail

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

In Other News... — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:17:00 EDT

@Nard38: Fourthed. Richard, this is funnier than Bob's Upstairs School of Law.

In Other News...

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Muzzy van Hossmere — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:16:30 EDT

I would pay good money to see a reality show in which Richard (aka R.Law to people from 2003) dresses as H.S. Moneybags and visits adoption agencies.

Muzzy van Hossmere

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

In Other News... — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:15:49 EDT

"Choney".

"Mildren."

Either works.

In Other News...

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Nard — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:15:30 EDT

@scroll_lock: @VirusWithShoes: Thirded. "Peruvian shrunken head boyfriend."

Nard

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

Unfun — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:14:41 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: @scroll_lock: I agree as well. Let's all get naked.

But seriously, it's true, it IS "the simple act of procreating." Why do we treat each celebrity child like the second coming of Christ? Most people have kids, big fucking deal. It's bad enough having to pretend to care about the children of people you actually deal with in real life.

Unfun

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

ineffable.me — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:10:37 EDT

I hope it turns into Jenniffer Y Marc Mas 8! Ay Dios Mio!

ineffable.me

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:09:18 EDT

@scroll_lock: Oh so seconded, and that's saying something.

I giggled all the way through reading that, like a happy mental patient.

VirusWithShoes

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

mathnet — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:06:31 EDT

Remember when you did Out of Sight? And I liked you?

mathnet

Jennifer Lopez Wants More Money. I Mean Children. I Mean Children Money.

scroll_lock — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:06:27 EDT

This is one of the funniest things you've ever written.

scroll_lock