Yes, so true. Dance softly and carry a big stick!

tempest

Hez

+ Watch video

belltolls

rosaluxembourgeoise

Don't you think its time for the workers of America to align with the rest of the world and declare May 1 as labour day?

And that along with stop calling the World Series that.

backseat_driver10023

SHHHH!!! Of course it's me. But for god's sake keep your voice down -- they're still looking for me. Just lemme in.

Thanks. Huh? Oh, sure, I'd love a cup. Lemon and sugar, please. Oh, I thought you meant...no, it's just that workers on the coffee plantations are so exploited....

...No, I can't go on. Spiegs, how could I have been so wrong? I gave my life -- what there is of it -- to that Party. And in return -- ah, it's just too horrible.

Oh, they had me all right. I was bound, gagged, and just waiting like a side of beef for the next departure to the gulag. But at a key moment, I convinced them that Donald Trump and Rupert Murdoch had just turned up across the street for their monthly transfusions of stem cells of working-class orphans, and I used that moment of distraction to give them all the slip.

No, no, I'm out of here at first light. Hez has booked me passage on a voyage to the New Territories under the name Hayek -- Fred Hayek. I don't know, maybe Salma will be in the next compartment. Though I guess the chances of that are actually pretty low. Anyway, the wig and muumuu she gave me are too much -- you can have them. I'll probably keep the girdle though. And as for the pumps -- well, where else would I ever find my size?

No, I'm just going to go out there and start over. New name. New life. Work my way up using my own two hands. I don't know, punching dogies or some such. Or maybe telemarketing. Does it matter? As long as I get away.

Spiegs, the instruments they had in that room, waiting for me...ah, it's just too horrible to contemplate. I must spare you that vision. I'm the one who screwed up here. I'm the one who said, academic Marxism isn't enough for me -- I needed to get my hands dirty. Well, my hands are dirty now, let me tell you. And I don't know if they'll ever be clean again.

No, thanks, I'll just curl up here in a corner. I'll be gone long before the morning's first collection agent wakes you up. But thanks so much for doing this for me, Ian. I don't know how I can ever repay you. All that time, I thought I knew how the workers lived, but now that I've come here to the Outer Boroughs I see...[looking around apartment]...you know far more about the exploitation and brutalization of the working class than anyone else I know.

Thanks again. And hey, would you give my regards to all the fameballs and celebutards I'll never get a chance to meet? I feel like I really would have hit it off with one of them, one day. But such is the stuff of dreams, huh?

Huh, Ian? Ian? Ah, sleep tight, comrade...I mean, friend. And don't worry about the kitchen floor -- I'll just take a few of the Jim Beam empties out with me in the morning.

skahammer

SheWalkedWithAZombie

rosaluxembourgeoise

Hey - did anyone engage in some Morris dancing today?
[10wordsorless.files.wordpress.com]

C'mon... admit it...

tempest

The Peoples' Friendship Committee noted that you were late in attending our celebration of this joyous occasion.

We are certain that your tardiness was to due to your careful completion of your application to volunteer for the Party's extensive irrigation project in the south. Even capitalist governments have recognized that ours is perhaps history's largest irrigation project ever to be built by hand. The party very much welcomes the participation of loyal revolutionaries like yourself in this effort.

Do not worry about mailing your application. Officers from the Party's Ministry of Volunteer Recruitment will be visiting you shortly to interview you and receive your application in person.

Yours, in revolution,

Hamud

Hamud Ibn Hamud

nightwatchman_flamekeeper

Dickdogfood

ragepotato

To rosaluxembourgeoise! To mirror-man! To the workers of the Anaconda Mine Company in Butte, Montana and their descendants! To the Homeland Security folks who are working hard to get the aforementioned list of IPs of the commenters here! To the bloggers, who type until their fingers are bloody, and then must pay out-of-pocket (because they have no insurance) for bloody-finger surgery! To Wal-mart, for conflating freedom with consumer choice and low prices!

And to the breathtakingly wealthy, who, although beset by the high cost of oil, have used their recent tax breaks to continue bravely trickling dollars down to us less fortunate!

Oh, fuck, I'm shrill aren't I? Pardon me, but I seem to have misplaced the fruits of my labor...

ragepotato

Un Chien Andalou

rosaluxembourgeoise

You're now like one of those minor characters on The Sopranos who tried to whack Christopher or rip off his poker game. You see who you're dealing with now?

We can send you into hiding. We have a program. We're the only ones who can save your life now. And, lemme guess, you just don't want to go anywhere cold. Well, if you're legitimately bronchial we can talk about that.

ian spiegelman

Just wanted to remind you all that we're having a swell little shindig down at the union hall tonight with plenty of good old fashioned American grub and plenty of good old-fashioned American baby-sitting! Free beer for the moms and dads and free lemonade for the kids. You don't need to bring a thing expect your smiles

For entertainment we're going to be watching three very exciting and interesting movies, North Star, Mission to Moscow, and Song of Russia, that were all made back when Hollywood knew how to make clean entertainment for regular hardworking Americans.

Don't worry about the kids! Rosa's gonna be on hand to keep the little savages busy with all sorts of crafts and games that are not only fun but also educational. The kids can have a blast and at the same time learn a little about the serious problems confronting working people in this great country of ours.

Hope to see you all there!

Hamud Ibn Hamud

Oh, I've been waiting forever for this moment to come, practicing my self-criticism with my Little Red Book every day on my tractor. And such a time of year to be doing it. You know how many flowers are blooming out there? HUNDREDS!

Ya hear that, Spiegs, I'm off to the big time! No more powdered eggs for me! I'm going to get to stand in line for the real thing now!

There's probably even a sleepover or something involved -- Rosa asked me to bring a toothbrush. As if I were...going somewhere....

...Oh dear. Oh dear. Hey, uh, Spiegs...any chance I can crash with you tonight? Tell Rosa I left my Little Red Book...in my other overalls, or something. Yeah, that's it. And Spiegs -- you don't happen to have any guns on hand, do ya?

skahammer

donmiguel

if_i_only_had_a_heart

Hez

Us right-thinking people with our heads screwed on right and two-plus-two equaling four, we don't need anyone to let us do damned thing. Coz we're not asking anyone for anything. We're not cryin' "Mommy, Daddy, where's my piece??" We're out there every day, takin' it for ourselves.

And I tell you here and now, dreadlocks. For every one a yous whining Johnny Needs-a-Handout, there are a hundred decent, hard workin' Sally Earnrights, and Johnny Goodwages who know frickin' well just how good they got it!

Stop listenin' to noise makers like Rosa, who have you puttin' your neck on the line while she buys up more and more luxurious shoes and come on in for the Big Win!

ian spiegelman

In Struggle,
Rosa

rosaluxembourgeoise

I mean, it would be bourgeois for me to brag, but ask me how many times my collective voted me "Most Likely To Fall Asleep on His Tractor From Fatigue." The looks I get from the women's collective during our bimonthly Glorious Servitude Mixers -- that's something you'd pay a pretty penny for, I'll wager...if the capitalists were to let you have a penny, I mean.

skahammer

ian spiegelman

Hez

ian spiegelman

Priam

+ Watch video

ian spiegelman

I was just wondering if you'd heard anything from the Politburo on my proposal for reducing the capital-gains tax? Comrade Strelnikov dismissed it (and me) rather rudely when I submitted it, but I'm quite certain he didn't even look at the projections for years 6 or beyond.

In any case, your ability to navigate the hallways of power is infinitely superior to mine. So...I don't guess anyone back at the Comintern let slip any hints about when Google stock might hit a peak, now did they? Ideology is so hard for us poor workers to grasp!

skahammer

And then we went to the site of Hitler's bunker. The East Germans had transformed it into an unmarked trash heap like 30 feet high. We climbed it. And when we got to the top a little German kid in a Mickey Mouse T-shirt climbed up after us, waved a meek little hand and said, "Tag."

Not sure what it all meant, but just thought I'd share.

ian spiegelman

+ Watch video

Priam

Comrade Sarah, here is a edifying video for this joyous occasion.

Weep while celebrating the revolutionary struggle against fascists and reactionaries everywhere:

+ Watch video

Hamud Ibn Hamud

Lucia Toledo

+ Watch video

I love this guy: he is one of the view to navigate earnest and sarcastic perfectly.

Helman

ian spiegelman

itsalwaysthequietones

valarmorghulis

@luciluce666: My consciousness is still right where I left it, thank you.

@BinkysDream: Only because they have to make a big show of this phony holiday!

ian spiegelman

+ Watch video

And 25,000 dockworkers struck to protest the war:

[www.nytimes.com]

SarahHeartburn

I'll be along shortly and we can discuss the dialectics of your apparent anti-fascism and pro-French revolutionary sentiment. I'm most looking forward to it.

rosaluxembourgeoise

luciluce666

+ Watch video

ian spiegelman

BinkysDream

luciluce666

rosaluxembourgeoise

+ Watch video

SarahHeartburn

valarmorghulis

+ Watch video

I'm a sucker for these things.

SheWalkedWithAZombie

Hez

+ Watch video

ian spiegelman

ian spiegelman

+ Watch video

SheWalkedWithAZombie

Removamos todas las trabas
que oprimen al proletario, (en otra versión: que nos impiden nuestro bien,)
cambiemos el mundo de base
hundiendo al imperio burgués.

Agrupémonos todos,
en la lucha final,
y se alzan los pueblos
por la Internacional. (Bis)

(Makes a great drinking song).

SarahHeartburn

@rosaluxembourgeoise: @rosaluxembourgeoise: A walk-up what kind of suck-ass Manhattanite do you take me for? I live in Queens, with the people. That's why I know what's good for 'em. And we don't do walk-ups here! But we could have cake. While your so-called "masses" starve!

ian spiegelman

SheWalkedWithAZombie

+ Watch video

SarahHeartburn

SheWalkedWithAZombie

Hez

ian spiegelman

I'll bring walnut cake and some stuff I can read to you.

rosaluxembourgeoise

valarmorghulis

*revival

dola

All revolutionary cadres wish to thank Gawker for its solidarity with the Communist proletarian vanguard and its bringing the principles of historical materialism to the masses.

Your constant efforts to publicly expose the lies of what Comrade Stalin called "rotten liberalism" are invaluable for awakening revolutionary consciousness among the people.

We would also like to thank you for the comprehensive list of ISPs and user names of those Gawker commenters who appear in need of political education. Officers from the Peoples' Friendship Committee will soon visit these individuals at their homes and places of work.

The Party once again commends your revolutionary spirit and of course would like to remind you that Party expects your continued and enthusiastic cooperation.

Yours, in struggle,

Hamud

Hamud Ibn Hamud

(Nice Stripes avatar by the way Spiegelman... that man is a God!!!)

luciluce666

ian spiegelman

BinkysDream

Today is my Mom's birthday!

I'm going to go out and burn something because that's how we party in my family. Booze and pyrotechnics.

I mentioned nothing of this. OK Gawker?! (insert menacing face here)

luciluce666

contradicto

oudemia

ian spiegelman

valarmorghulis

Hez

contradicto

BinkysDream

Goggles will reduce tearing from mace, tear gas, and poor diction.

CaptainFantastic

SpecialK