<![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> These anti-Zeitgeisty threads are like proof that the Gawker Gods HAVE been listening to my silent plea for mercy after all!

Interesting tidbit: Whenever one takes to dissing Mr. Bran on the Nerve blog, he'll maaaagically respond super-quickly using one of his many fictional user accounts.

Oh, and spell-check? (...be damned!)

xoxox

Yet another former blog-a-logger who's just jealous of the coverage.

redhat_jane

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Can I take the name Branwyn Lancourt, or did he copyright it?

famousauthor

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @EleanorRigby: Actually they are triplets but Twatfrydd had choir-practice when they made the movie.

DonPardoCalrissian

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @tracyflick: For nerve don't forget "compulsive liar's club" and "borderline personality syndrome grotto".

Koreanish

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Pope John Peeps II: He shouldn't attempt ephemisms or metaphors, so to speak.

Steverino

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @bytememehard: Whoops. Turns out he actually is Welsh. So much for that abortion of a joke.

Knucklehead Babylon

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Decaffeinated Adrien Brody!

storybynori

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Hi, my name's Branwyn and this is my identical twin brother Ansley. Will you have sex with us?

bananappeal

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Okay, this idiot really does not know the difference between a "euphemism" and a "metaphor"

Pope John Peeps II

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Koreanish: Lavalife is one scary place for online daters. It's a step above Craigslist, cock shots included. The guys are all using scanned photos from 1999 and say things like "I want to lick you for hours" in their IM's. Nerve is were all the people who think they are artists and think they are creative go to feel superior. Probably because the guys on Match or Lavalife gave them wedgies in gym class or shoved them into lockers. Really, it's just where broke artist types go. Case in point? Adrien Brody Lite up there.

tracyflick

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> So, that whole Calamari thing was irony-free?

Are they from California?

Koreanish

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @tracyflick: You mean I should be dating on Lavalife?

Koreanish

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @City_Dater: The Nerve personal are full of the most pompous, pseudo-intellectual douchebags. At least on Lavalife you know what you're getting - a bunch of ex-cons who wear Joey Buttafucco pants and live in Queens.

But then, I'm dating a guy I met on Nerve. So what do I know?

tracyflick

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Aph: 1) He is not that little. 2) Date info posted on a blog at nerve.com-not particularly discreet 3) He fucks tiny, adorable squids! Where is your sense of decency?

ragepotato

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @ragepotato & whoneedslight: Yeah, that was awesome. Well done.

moff

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Aph: Wait, what are you implying by "eat me gawker"? Does it have something to do with Denton? We'll have to assume, yes, yes it does.

LoveHandles

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Eat me gawker. Following little boys around getting their date info.

Aph

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> When I asked the waiter for a hot beef sandwich, he brought over the maitre'd and the key to the staff room! Mmmm ... sandwichy (so to speak).

ThereMustBeAPony

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @ragepotato:

Branlose.

Can't stop laughing.

whoneedslight

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Knucklehead Babylon: Like that's an excuse?

bytememehard

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Branwyn? Girl's name. "Legendary Heroine, white raven"

Itsjustcatnip

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @4Cats: So to speak, that is.

CopyofBlueboy

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Knucklehead Babylon: That's really rude. The proper way to say it is, "It's Indian giver."

moff

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> i think he ph34rz teh p33n

if_i_only_had_a_heart

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> It's so true, right? About the implements of danger? My god ... so true.

Astrolabe

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Asses in the Salisbury Steak? Toe in the cobbler? THE RESTAURANT HE IS SPEAKING OF NEEDS A VISIT FROM THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT. PRONTO.

This man has a thing about depraved, obscure sexual gymnastics and food.

On the other hand, his restaurant would be a lot more interesting than the Hard Rock Cafe.

ragepotato

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> His shirt says boogers, right?

Lonesome_George

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> I munched on some of ol' seafood salad yesterday, so to speak, if you know what I meant, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.

Which means ... um, I had a seafood salad sandwich for lunch. I really like seafood salad.

MisterHippity

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> How can you post a picture of yourself like that, write publicly about your dates, and not expect snark? And what is a diatribe against snark, anyway, but snark with all the fun taken out of it?

GollyG

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> He's fugly as hell but for some reason I am also strangely attracted to him -- fish or no fish. Or is calamari a crustacean ?

BooWahBabe

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> I went home, though, and my wife and I found like six really twisted things to do with fried calamari. You single people are boring.

Mediahohoho

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @ragepotato: *Thwack*!!

I got your back...!

Calraigh

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Step away from the apostrophes, man---ur doin it rong.

de wolfe

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Branwyn? More like BranLOSE!!!1! (looking around for high-fives and finding none)

ragepotato

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Mmmmm cobbler.

Kim Gordon's Panties

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> "...I find it highly ironic that after writing a much attacked diatribe on 'snark' I've fallen victim to one of it's greatest bastions.. Gawker. I think the most annoying comment was the guy that called my writing inane and my punctuation incorrect."

Hmm. The grammar could use some work too, no?

tempest

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @Richard: Its Welsh.

Knucklehead Babylon

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Braywyn and Aston!?!? Are their parents serious about that??

EleanorRigby

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> The best line was the TV dinner line.

ThighHigh

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Sometimes a squid is just a squid.

Sarcastro

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Oh, donnez-moi un break already!

I prefer bangers to calamari, myself.

tempest

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Say, does Long John Silver's deliver?
So to speak, of course.

[If so, I'll take a Super treasure chest with sides of cole slaw, hushpuppies and Corn Cobettes. With extra butter. And some condoms.]

koala325

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Can he make his allusions a wee bit more obscure so nobody gets them except his brother?

belltolls

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Again, plenty of reason to stay away from the Nerve personals. Yech.

City_Dater

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Thrust...hehehehe.

I Don't Get It

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Fried clamari always hits my spot.

miss_msry

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> @collegecallgirl: He looks like Adrian Brody with gay face.

In other words he looks like Adrian Brody.

contradicto

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Just last night I enjoyed "squeezing the eel."

MyCubeHas3Sides

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> So did he bake an upside down pineapple cake with his date, or not?

PickleTitsTurner

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> He's like the younger, tighter T-shirt-wearing Rufus Humphrey.

collegecallgirl

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Well, I guess my day-old crush just ended.

AndIAmTellingYou

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> What are his thoughts on "Shucking the Oyster" and "Throwing a Clam Bake?"

contradicto

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> I think I'm in love but it makes me kind of frightened to say so.Think I'm in love.

Calraigh

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> So now we know he's just a shitty (ha ha!) writer

4Cats

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Hmmm, have always wanted to have sex with identical twins...

Rumpelstilskin

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> I will enjoy my corned beef hash, thank you very much.

mitchel_stevens

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> Well, yes, thank you for clearing that up, Branwyn, but you didn't answer our original question:

What depraved sexual act did you engage in with Dunkin' Donuts Girl?

Clare

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> I thought BranWynn was that Las Vegas cereal.

Richard

]]> <![CDATA["Enjoying the Fried Calamari" Not Actually a Sexual Euphemism, Sadly]]> I think the Gawker consensus was the calamari line has something to do with Sarah Jessica Parker.

HamptonShmampton

]]>