"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion" - Gawker Comments

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BalknChain — Sat, 03 May 2008 21:26:17 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: As far as Karen goes, I think those that don't bow could be subject to a Tonya Harding sneak attack.

BalknChain

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BalknChain — Sat, 03 May 2008 21:24:53 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: hey you ;)

BalknChain

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

VirusWithShoes — Sat, 03 May 2008 21:22:35 EDT

@BalknChain: Everyone I know bows to Karen. How can one not?

@Hamud Ibn Hamud: Do they have Xbox?

VirusWithShoes

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

Hamud Ibn Hamud — Sat, 03 May 2008 16:23:26 EDT

@VirusWithShoes:

May the Lord be with you, Virus.

The Community of the Companions of Denton the Good Shepherd, CDGS, welcome all who through a commitment to the life monastic would deepen their understanding of humanity's relationship to God through Denton.

The order's Motherhouse is in Curtea de Argeş, Romania:

[www.facebook.com]

And the Romanian Generalate holds jurisdiction over eight monasteries in Europe and North America, and over several dozen sketes throughout the world, the majority of which are found near the ominous nitrate lakes in Al Buhayrah Governorate, Egypt.

At all locations, a religious professed to the CDGS embraces a rigorous daily life of communal prayer, private prayer, spiritual reading, Marxist-Leninist study, commenting on Gawker, meals, communal sunbathing, (very little) sleep, and several minutes during which strict silence is observed. (Non-scholastic types are assigned physical labor of varying severity.)

Please know that the CDGS is an order cloistered. All CDGS religious take a vow of absolute, permanent separation not only from the external world, but from what most would justifiably regard as reality.

Ecclesiastical penalties for disobeying the rules of enclosure are quite harsh and include, but are not limited to, the withholding of cocktail hour, tanning booth, and Thai "full release" massage privileges. Punishment for gross or repeated disobedience is defined and enforced at Denton's pleasure.

If life within the CDGS speaks to you and awakens your deepest sense of spiritual possibility, the CDGS warmly invites you to test your vocation at either the Motherhouse or the CDGS monastery or skete nearest you. For locations and further information, please email Nick Denton directly.

Hamud Ibn Hamud

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BalknChain — Sat, 03 May 2008 10:51:18 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: well, wait, you BETTER bow to KarenUhOh :)

BalknChain

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BalknChain — Sat, 03 May 2008 10:50:15 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: Allow me to say "You, my friend, bow to no one."

BalknChain

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

VirusWithShoes — Sat, 03 May 2008 10:13:43 EDT

@Hamud Ibn Hamud: I beg of you your eternal forgiveness - what with one thing or another, I completely forgot to thank you for being the inspiration behind my becommied-comment, as highlighted above.

As penance, and along with cleaning the sinful windows of the Winnebago currently on hire to my local Community of Companions, I shall say three Julia Allisons and one Hail Mary Rambin and silently beseech the Good Shepherd Denton for mercy. I can only pray my thoughts don't fall on rocky ears.

May Gawk Be With You.

VirusWithShoes

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

Hamud Ibn Hamud — Sat, 03 May 2008 03:19:12 EDT

@dandles:

"The Lord by repentance shall break them that are lifted on high by the splendour of earthly nobility, when to confound them He shall have chosen the base things of this world..."

Dandles, as St. Augustine has taught us, earthly favour is itself no demonstration of God's mercy, but rather the disfavour of men and the loss of material reward are used by God to bring the once fortunate to seek His forgiveness.

Accolades are chastisement.

Instead of setting your heart on the things of this world, you should instead devote your brief time on earth to serving God through any one of Gawker's volunteer organizations, such as the Gawker Altar Guild, or the Commenters' Second Hand Shop or Annual Jumble Sale.

Perhaps in time such activity will encourage you to greater commitment and devotion, in which case you might consider entering one of Gawker's religious orders, such as the Community of the Companions of Denton the Good Shepherd.

Neither seek nor hope for execution by Ketch, for death at his hand leads surely nowhere. It is by dying only unto yourself that you will live again and live forever, exalted and triumphant, in the eternal presence of God.

Hamud Ibn Hamud

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

VirusWithShoes — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:51:41 EDT

@jackvinyl: ...and therefore not as ballsy as usual.

VirusWithShoes

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

jackvinyl — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:42:16 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: That was breezy...

jackvinyl

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

VirusWithShoes — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:32:40 EDT

@jackvinyl: Then it's hopeless. But wildly refreshing.

VirusWithShoes

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

jackvinyl — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:24:29 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: what if the hope is wearing a kilt ? -- answer that one Scotty-skirtpants.

jackvinyl

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

jackvinyl — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:23:28 EDT

@dandles: I just read your comment in Doogie Howser's voice (in my brains) and i pictured you typing it at an old commodore 64 Doogie style.

You try it - do it Doogie style in your brains.

jackvinyl

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

VirusWithShoes — Sat, 03 May 2008 02:19:39 EDT

@dandles: Hope is like underwear - never give it up without a fight.

VirusWithShoes

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

dandles — Sat, 03 May 2008 00:55:27 EDT

Will I never say anything that will garner accolades from Gawker? Well, rejection only fuels my bitterness, which in turn gives life to even snarkier comments. If I can only avoid crossing the line that leads to execution, I know I shall triumph. Someday ... someday.

dandles

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

moff — Sat, 03 May 2008 00:42:12 EDT

Hooray! Great job, team!

moff

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

In Other News... — Fri, 02 May 2008 19:14:39 EDT

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

In Other News...

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BalknChain — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:32:23 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: that one is wonderful

BalknChain

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

VirusWithShoes — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:30:05 EDT

Bittersweet, indeed.

Thanks to all who voted, and to the other lucky winners too.

VirusWithShoes

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BinkysDream — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:52:54 EDT

@Jack Ketch: ah, shit.

BinkysDream

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

BeRightBack — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:51:57 EDT

@BinkysDream: I think all that might have been just a yearning for symmetry between you and the similarly undead AndSheSaid (née SheSaysWhat). Glad to see ya back from the Siberian freeze, товарич.

I'll be "pouring one out" for VwS and his "little Unfun" tonight until they come back, if you need me (I refuse to believe either are gone for good!)

BeRightBack

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

Clarence Rosario — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:50:47 EDT

What the fuck? No dailypuppy.com commenters won this week? No biscuits and cuddles for you, Richard!

Clarence Rosario

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

AuntPeniston — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:46:26 EDT

@Chaim Gnadelstein: Tell that to my enduring crush on him.

AuntPeniston

"Eating a Six-Foot Cake in Slow Motion"

Bell County — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:45:49 EDT

@belltolls: Thanks! What a Friday, my nerves are totally shot from all the drama. I feel like Sandy Dennis in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? if someone gave her an ice cream cone at the end.

Bell County