Food: Now Dumber - Gawker Comments

Food: Now Dumber

CherriSpryte — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:29:08 EDT

@Clare: thanks a lot!

CherriSpryte

Food: Now Dumber

Clare — Mon, 05 May 2008 17:07:52 EDT

@CherriSpryte: I wrote this for my old blog. Enjoy.
[ladiesdotdotdot.wordpress.com]

Clare

Food: Now Dumber

Smackdown — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:30:50 EDT

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

Smackdown

Food: Now Dumber

howdydoody — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:56:11 EDT

@IndianSlipper: Don't forget the disposable robot that transports the cookie sheet from the fridge to the oven.

howdydoody

Food: Now Dumber

CopyofBlueboy — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:54:32 EDT

@Constant Dater: They sell sex toys at Key Food now?

CopyofBlueboy

Food: Now Dumber

ambitious — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:10:28 EDT

@ambitious: i should add that consumers have the power to change a lot of this. But don't seem to know it.

ambitious

Food: Now Dumber

LoveHandles — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:10:21 EDT

@EleanorRigby: For some of us it's sooo much higher. Don't criticise you bourgeois pig.

LoveHandles

Food: Now Dumber

ambitious — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:08:21 EDT

@Dickdogfood: My company is working on a Kraft project right now and has worked on many many many in the past. On thing they're often trying to do is to convince consumers that things that are easy to do and better for you are 1) Not worth the trouble (even when they yield a healthier, better-tasting product) and 2)Will make your kids hate you and give them what they want, Mom! This.

I would love to be making these platforms up but they exist. Focusing on point of difference is crucial (I think) when it comes to making consumer products smarter. But making smarter, more beneficial (in the greater sense) products is def not one of their goals. Finding faster ways to get the HFCS in your system is.

ambitious

Food: Now Dumber

CognitiveVomit — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:58:01 EDT

@Dickdogfood: and most likely, a convenient and flashy way to charge more for less product.

CognitiveVomit

Food: Now Dumber

Dickdogfood — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:42:58 EDT

I'm a cynic as much as the next guy, but I don't think Kraft is trying to dumb down things, or reacting to a dumbing- down of the nation, or answering to any kind of consumer consensus. What they're trying to do is micromanage the consumer experience, creating new product or fine-tuning existing product to neutralize ANY reason someone might choose product X over product Y, no matter how stupefyingly trivial that reason may be. There's so many consumers out there that even the silliest minutiae means millions of bucks and a hunk of market share.

Dickdogfood

Food: Now Dumber

Constant Dater — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:23:13 EDT

@IndianSlipper: That shit already comes pre-sliced, for idiots who can't handle that step. Also, at my local Key Food, I saw that they carry pre-bunned hot dogs. I shouted down the aisle to Mr. CD, "This is why people hate America!"

Constant Dater

Food: Now Dumber

TheGintheCity — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:16:35 EDT

From the article:
Kraft's got Bagelfuls, a frozen, microwaveable bagel and cream cheese combo that can be eaten on the go. While convenient, there is a chance of spilling a gooey, white hot glob of cheese on your black pants.

Someone had a bad morning...

TheGintheCity

Food: Now Dumber

ambitious — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:09:17 EDT

@IndianSlipper: It's already happening.

ambitious

Food: Now Dumber

Chaim Gnadelstein — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:01:28 EDT

@KimGordonsPanties:

I can't help but think American Idol factored in somewhere - or the abstract idea that people desire fame. Even then, the disconnect between the actual substance of the product and the branding is so vast...

It just shows such blatant contempt for the customer to sell sell them garbage and not even bother to make sense of the packaging. The honest name for the product would have been something like "Here, You Fat, Dumb Piece Of Shit" Bowl - which, admittedly, lacks a certain pizzazz.

Chaim Gnadelstein

Food: Now Dumber

miss_msry — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:58:11 EDT

It's nice to know a giant corporation is looking out for our well-being. Not to mention not letting all those calf hooves go to waste.

miss_msry

Food: Now Dumber

TedSez — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:51:03 EDT

It isn't only manufacturers dumbing down eating. The New York Times recently forced its critics to review chain restaurants like Applebee's and the Cheesecake Factory, and apparently decimated their vocabularies in the process. (For the record, an Outback Steakhouse Bloomin' Onion is "bad for you, but good," a french country salad at the Cheesecake factory "hit the spot," Olive Garden endless salad is "lively," and the nachos at Chili's are "cheesy and savory." Good to know!)

[events.nytimes.com]

TedSez

Food: Now Dumber

IndianSlipper — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:48:35 EDT

I wonder how long it'll be before the pre-made cookie dough in a tube comes on a cookie sheet?

IndianSlipper

Food: Now Dumber

ambitious — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:43:54 EDT

@KimGordonsPanties: Or "KFC's Old Shit Delights"?

ambitious

Food: Now Dumber

BalknChain — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:41:07 EDT

@Steverino: yeah! Krapples!

BalknChain

Food: Now Dumber

MisterHippity — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:33:34 EDT

@nikaoh: The Velveetans should be ashamed, too. Their cheese is a disgrace to their planet!

MisterHippity

Food: Now Dumber

Kim Gordon's Panties — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:32:24 EDT

@Chaim Gnadelstein: My guess would be they were looking for a word that would make consumers feel more comfortable eating a bowl full of yesterday's mashed potatoes, corn, and chicken fingers. "Famous" might imply familiarity and mass acceptance. The honest option would have been KFC's New! Toilet! Bowl!

Kim Gordon's Panties

Food: Now Dumber

McMurphy — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:29:59 EDT

That's funny, I buy Cool Whip because I'm too fucking lazy to shake up an aerosol can.

McMurphy

Food: Now Dumber

arguablythemostfamous — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:24:42 EDT

This is really going to improve my time in the company Kraft Singles eating competition!

arguablythemostfamous

Food: Now Dumber

arguablythemostfamous — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:24:02 EDT

"the product is aimed at moms who want to make after-school snacks for their kids without having to wait for the Jell-O to congeal in the fridge. There is, however, some work involved in the preparation - but, luckily, the kids can do it."

so... it's aimed at moms who don't want to make after school snacks for their kids, but would rather their kids have an option other than starving.

arguablythemostfamous

Food: Now Dumber

CherriSpryte — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:22:03 EDT

@Clare: Pudding Shots!?! What do you put in those? (aside from the Cool Whip)

CherriSpryte

Food: Now Dumber

Chaim Gnadelstein — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:18:41 EDT

@KimGordonsPanties:

I would love to see the research behind KFC's decision to go with the word "famous". What was the second choice, "Glamour Bowl"?

Chaim Gnadelstein

Food: Now Dumber

SeaBassTian — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:08:45 EDT

It's sad that the general public is not smart and savvy enough to master cool whip.

SeaBassTian

Food: Now Dumber

Steverino — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:07:39 EDT

Up next: Kraft Apples in powder form! Just add water.

Steverino

Food: Now Dumber

CopyofBlueboy — Mon, 05 May 2008 12:07:07 EDT

@nightwatchman_flamekeeper: Yeah, that's what I was thinking about. The magnitude of grotesque laziness is to be either admired or ridiculed or wept at, or all of those at the same time.

CopyofBlueboy

Food: Now Dumber

Kim Gordon's Panties — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:55:08 EDT

@Chaim Gnadelstein: The Famous Bowl was my favorite new food product launch of recent times! It exists in a logic vacuum wherein one can "introduce" a "new" product that is already "famous!" Seriously, what can't marketing do?

Kim Gordon's Panties

Food: Now Dumber

City_Dater — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:50:25 EDT

@HeyThatsMyBike:
Jello pudding is reconstituted using milk. Jello gelatin (the wiggly, fruit-flavored calf-hoof treat) uses hot water.

City_Dater

Food: Now Dumber

bifteck-frites — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:47:29 EDT

It's amazing how many ways these companies can figure out how to sell partially hydrogenated oil and corn derivatives. I applaud the scientific prowess of America's multi-billion-dollar corporations. Huzzah, capitalism!

bifteck-frites

Food: Now Dumber

ambitious — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:45:56 EDT

These are completely manufactured desires (and I say this as someone who works in innovation) and why no one should ever listen to anything a CPG company says. They are not here to help you or make your life better. They exist to make you feel like easy shit is hard ("inhale AND exhale?? Why bother?!") and crap shit is good ( fluorescent orange = natural color for cheese) and to steal your soul. And fill our landfills. Also: strangle our puppies. For profit.

Fuck Kraft, fuck P&G, fuck Pepsico, fuck them all.

ambitious

Food: Now Dumber

SarahHeartburn — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:43:31 EDT

But, fuck, STILL no pre-chewed food?

SarahHeartburn

Food: Now Dumber

Jaydubs — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:42:44 EDT

That frozen cheese-filled bagels concept is nothing new -- I worked at Big Lots during college, and the freezers there were stocked with 'em. They were gross, sure, especially if you used a shitty microwave, leaving the outside of the bagel surface-of-the-sun-hot and the inside cheese icy cold, but to their credit, they were not as disgusting another product the store sold: pizza on a stick. For reals.

Jaydubs

Food: Now Dumber

janine — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:39:53 EDT

@saxon212: cigs are legal so I stay thin and look cool.

janine

Food: Now Dumber

nikaoh — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:31:53 EDT

american cheese is the worst thing about america.

nikaoh

Food: Now Dumber

Chaim Gnadelstein — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:30:11 EDT

@HamptonShmampton:

But would you say that you felt famous?

Chaim Gnadelstein

Food: Now Dumber

Buzz Killington — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:29:57 EDT

This truly is the future. It's like we're all astronauts now. Big, fat, lazy, dumb astronauts.

Buzz Killington

Food: Now Dumber

dado — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:29:07 EDT

@Fuzzy_duffel_bag: @ Clare I'd buy anything from Lyle Lanley.

dado

Food: Now Dumber

City_Dater — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:28:40 EDT

Good. A fiendish plan to kill off all the stupid people is finally afoot. Unless all the chemicals they ingest just keep them alive and buying more crap for even longer.

City_Dater

Food: Now Dumber

hamburgerhotdog — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:26:54 EDT

Also, cool whip is vegan. I learned that after a vegan I know confessed to using it for "other purposes".

hamburgerhotdog

Food: Now Dumber

hamburgerhotdog — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:26:00 EDT

This product is truly a sign of how lazy consumers are: [lowfatcooking.about.com]
You can even be arsed to eat a whole brick of cream cheese.

Like that's ever gonna hit a pie shell. I can just picture someone eating spoonful and spoonful of it while watching Not Without My Daughter.

hamburgerhotdog

Food: Now Dumber

Spirit Fingers — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:24:55 EDT

I think if you break into a sweat moving 6 centimeters from fridge to freezer the Cool Whip has already won.

Spirit Fingers

Food: Now Dumber

nightwatchman_flamekeeper — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:24:51 EDT

Yesterday I discoved that Kraft is making cheese ready cut to fit on crackers (Ritz or larger).

nightwatchman_flamekeeper

Food: Now Dumber

HamptonShmampton — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:21:42 EDT

@if_i_only_had_a_heart: how does one fit twinkies into a food pyramid?

HamptonShmampton

Food: Now Dumber

if_i_only_had_a_heart — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:20:57 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: nervous pudding baby

if_i_only_had_a_heart

Food: Now Dumber

HamptonShmampton — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:20:43 EDT

@ExecutiveIntern: mmm...yellow food dyed cheese flavored oil...

HamptonShmampton

Food: Now Dumber

if_i_only_had_a_heart — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:20:33 EDT

pudding, Cool Whip, and cheese slices. All together, even

oh man

you know i have a friend who has just discovered that the reason she is heavier than she wants to be is because she eats crap.

i am writing a diet book

it will be 3 words long

"don't eat crap."

i will share the royalties with gawker

if_i_only_had_a_heart

Food: Now Dumber

HamptonShmampton — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:19:52 EDT

@Chaim Gnadelstein: Trying this once made me very sick for a good day after eating it. Kind of like swallowing a large a large cup of quick-setting concrete.

HamptonShmampton

Food: Now Dumber

ljnd2 — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:19:10 EDT

@saxon212: Horse hooves, actually.

@saxon212: OMG yes. Yes, yes, yes.

ljnd2

Food: Now Dumber

Cajeta Quemada — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:18:13 EDT

@Astigmatism: Or a barrel of cheese sauce next to the lazy boy/toilet.(Idiocracy)

And people are grossed out by the roasted cuy(guinea pig, Andean delicacy) in the Flushing Meadows park? (May 2 NYT)

Cajeta Quemada

Food: Now Dumber

Fuzzy_duffel_bag — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:18:12 EDT

@Clare: Gah!

Fuzzy_duffel_bag

Food: Now Dumber

BalknChain — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:18:01 EDT

@dado: ha!

BalknChain

Food: Now Dumber

Fuzzy_duffel_bag — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:17:25 EDT

@dado: Take my penknife, my good man!

Fuzzy_duffel_bag

Food: Now Dumber

cog_in_wheel — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:16:37 EDT

@HeyThatsMyBike: Jello made from milk = yogurt - according to Kraft.

cog_in_wheel

Food: Now Dumber

ExecutiveIntern — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:16:10 EDT

I'm still confused at why it is apparently so difficult to pull cheese slices out of the package. There's no intermediate step - you take a cheese slice out of the plastic! Shit, I hate fat kids.

ExecutiveIntern

Food: Now Dumber

Clare — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:14:40 EDT

@dado: Take my pen-knife, my good man!

I'd bitch about the grossness of that Cool Whip photo, but Cool Whip is a vital ingredient in my Pudding Shots™. Pudding Shots™: The dessert that gets you drunk!

Clare

Food: Now Dumber

BalknChain — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:12:41 EDT

I refuse to buy Cool-Whip that can make flatulating sounds when running empty. You're supposed to be able to grab a tub of Cool-whip, dip your hands in and rub it all over your partner of choice. A farting can o' cream is a romance mood-breaker.

BalknChain

Food: Now Dumber

CopyofBlueboy — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:10:54 EDT

Consumers also can't be bothered to slice their own cheese, so there are pre-sliced cracker-sized cheese slices available from Kraft! Hooray!

I'm hungry for Cool Whip Jell-O E-Z Cheese Surprise.

CopyofBlueboy

Food: Now Dumber

EleanorRigby — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:10:22 EDT

@VirusWithShoes: Thanks for correcting my assumption. Here I am with a lame freezer/fridge in one combination. How boring and 20th century of me.

EleanorRigby

Food: Now Dumber

VirusWithShoes — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:09:54 EDT

@dado: That made me shake with laughter. Thank you.

VirusWithShoes

Food: Now Dumber

HeyThatsMyBike — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:09:36 EDT

Jello made from milk? Ewwww. Isn't it supposed to be hot water?

HeyThatsMyBike

Food: Now Dumber

crotchety — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:08:40 EDT

@twobighands: You really have to have a taste for partially hydrogenated vegetable oil to appreciate it.

crotchety

Food: Now Dumber

crotchety — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:07:00 EDT

Old Jell-o Instant took five minutes to chill. I hope I can find an edifying way to spend all the time I save with the new Jell-o.

crotchety

Food: Now Dumber

Itsjustcatnip — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:04:34 EDT

Also- squeezing out a topper is just a beautiful phrase.

Itsjustcatnip

Food: Now Dumber

Itsjustcatnip — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:04:09 EDT

This is why I just eat the sugar out of the bag.

Itsjustcatnip

Food: Now Dumber

Astigmatism — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:03:14 EDT

To hell with them. Until my remote control works with my fridge, I'm going to keep sitting on the couch and sucking lard out of my giant hamster feed tube.

Astigmatism

Food: Now Dumber

Saxon 212 — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:02:58 EDT

@the supergoddess: Jello,does everyone know that it's made from boiled down cow hoofs?Yummy and low calorie!

Saxon 212

Food: Now Dumber

Chaim Gnadelstein — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:02:26 EDT

I guess this kind of explains the market for the KFC "Famous Bowl".

Chaim Gnadelstein

Food: Now Dumber

twobighands — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:01:43 EDT

that picture looks downright vile.

twobighands

Food: Now Dumber

VirusWithShoes — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:01:27 EDT

@EleanorRigby: Sometimes not - I keep mine separate in the off-chance they help each other develop sentience and one day, when I'm feeling unassumingly peckish, they rise up against me.

My microwave is an agitator.

VirusWithShoes

Food: Now Dumber

the supergoddess — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:00:21 EDT

ahem (service-y, right?!)(also this is, like, sickening. do moms hate their kids so much that they can't even be bothered to make jello anymore? it's just not that hard.)

the supergoddess

Food: Now Dumber

luciluce666 — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:00:06 EDT

Ingredients:
Rat poison, sugar.

luciluce666

Food: Now Dumber

dado — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:59:05 EDT

I hate when the ring pops off and my pudding is trapped.

dado

Food: Now Dumber

cog_in_wheel — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:58:11 EDT

"They like the interactivity of the stirring". Well who doesn't? If I'm gonna get interactive, I wanna stir! baby stir!

cog_in_wheel

Food: Now Dumber

famousauthor — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:54:53 EDT

Cool Whip and Cheese Whiz makes a truly elegant cheesecake.

famousauthor

Food: Now Dumber

Saxon 212 — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:54:38 EDT

This is all part of the government plan to have almost everyone die before they can collect social security and medicaid.This is why cigarettes are legal and nobody cares what you eat or how fat you get,so long as you work hard for as little money as possible then die as soon as possible the corporations and the government(the same thing) win!

Saxon 212

Food: Now Dumber

EleanorRigby — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:51:02 EDT

isn't the freezer right next to the fridge?

EleanorRigby