Why? - Gawker Comments

Why?

Chaim Gnadelstein — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:40:10 EDT

@Nard38:

Indeed, Wilford Brimley and butt sex are like chocolate and peanut butter.

Why?

LoveHandles — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:35:50 EDT

This wouldn't be a problem if English were our offical language.

LoveHandles

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:14:13 EDT

@Chaim Gnadelstein: Of all the things you've written, that one was the most fun to picture Wilford Brimley doing/saying. Tears are running down my face.

Why?

dame edna — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:13:24 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: I guess that if you're going to use that ploy, that taint aint five inches

dame edna

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:01:10 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: I like the big bowl idea. In college, I used to get nachos at 7-11 (never forget!) that came in a big, plastic tub. Now, what The Man wanted me to do was pour a few spoonfuls of 3 day-old chili over the nachos. Not this guy! I'd dump the nachos in a plastic shopping bag and fill the tub with 3 day-old chili. So, I was getting at least 9 cents worth of chili for only 99 cents!!!

Why?

gladys_kravitz — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:00:34 EDT

It's the oldest trick in the book with Catholic high school boys.....try to convince the girl to try anal sex because she won't get pregnant.

Don't ask me how I know.

gladys_kravitz

Why?

Chaim Gnadelstein — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:00:30 EDT

@Unfun:

Oh, the number of times I've sat on the table and eaten off the seat. And then looked up and said, "Do you like butt sex?"

Why?

DorothyMantooth — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:55:29 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: Ugh! 2 girls 1 buffet?

DorothyMantooth

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GettinSome — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:52:58 EDT

2 in the blood, one in the mud or in Heidi's case 3 in the mud.

GettinSome

Why?

mikedell — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:52:18 EDT

@Nard38: After a long day of work the last thing I want to do is follow a series of protocols at a buffet. They need to streamline the whole thing, then I'll think about it.

mikedell

Why?

DorothyMantooth — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:50:33 EDT

@Nard38: It's from 40-year-old Virgin, to be fair.
But I am so gonna steal your variation and take the credit!

DorothyMantooth

Why?

Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:49:19 EDT

@Unfun: And now I'm hungry. For a cute waiter smeared with gravy...

Why?

fiveinchtaint — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:48:32 EDT

@Nard38: Oh man. The tater tot casserole is to die for. And then using a large salad bowl for a soft-served dessert. Ice cream, that is. Had to specify due to the nature of the post.

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:46:07 EDT

@Chaim Gnadelstein: I prefer the "Earwax Fetish," but all of their desserts are delicious.

Why?

The2ndMrsDeWinter — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:45:38 EDT

@Elle Menopi:
Terrence Howard, is that you?

The2ndMrsDeWinter

Why?

Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:45:23 EDT

@Nard38: @Chaim Gnadelstein: I usually eat the cashier, and leave money in the mashed potatoes. Wrong!

Why?

AuntPeniston — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:45:13 EDT

@mikedell: I think I used to date your personal trainer. I did not call the police.

AuntPeniston

Why?

Chaim Gnadelstein — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:40:32 EDT

@Nard38:

I usually just take my seat, unfold the napkin onto my lap and say, "Do you like butt sex?"

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:38:33 EDT

@Unfun: Whoa, I'm not made of money! It's a first date, not a wedding reception. If you don't like Olive Garden, we can find an Old Country Buffet. Now, I know you're thinking that a buffet might be confusing. Don't worry. I consulted their website.

It's Easy to Buffet!
Just follow a few simple steps:

Step one: Pay the cashier when you come in.
Step two: Find a table or ask for help in finding one.
Step three: Head to the buffet!
Step four: Enjoy a wide variety of selections and beverages.
Step five: Turn over your cashier's slip when you are finished.

@DorothyMantooth: Ooo, that's good. It could also work with "garage" and "hog."

Why?

intothelight — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:31:15 EDT

or you can call yourself a compassionate conservative, and see where that gets you. oh, sorry, that only works for some people.

intothelight

Why?

DorothyMantooth — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:30:56 EDT

@Nard38: I hope you have a big trunk. I'm gonna put my bike in it!

DorothyMantooth

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Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:28:31 EDT

@Nard38: No fucking way! I'm Italian, I won't eat that sludge. If we're white trashing it, I'd prefer Friday's. Done and done.

Why?

dandles — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:23:19 EDT

Since she throws up all her food, I'm sure she was thrilled to find a use for her rectum.

dandles

Why?

fiveinchtaint — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:22:35 EDT

@MisterHippity: I'd think a cucumber would be cooler. At least more refreshing.

Why?

MisterHippity — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:21:12 EDT

I wish my doctor had the same attitude.

MisterHippity

Why?

MisterHippity — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:20:17 EDT

"You really want to start with a finger or two before you start lubing up the big zucchini. You know, just to be sure it's cool."

MisterHippity

Why?

mikedell — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:19:57 EDT

My personal trainer says drug her, gag her, tie arms and legs to bed, insert various household items into anus (pepper mill, leg table, Han Solo figure, etc.). If she doesn't call police, she's into it.

mikedell

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:17:20 EDT

@Unfun: Any participating Olive Garden.

Why?

Steverino — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:14:27 EDT

Why do they have to talk? If only whoever did that non-dialogue clip of The Hills was God, he could edit out everything they say in the real world except for the facial expressions.

Steverino

Why?

Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:13:16 EDT

@Nard38: Sounds like the making of a perfect first date. Where we meeting?

Why?

Chaim Gnadelstein — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:10:54 EDT

Wait...how many fingers?

My god. There isn't a shower on earth powerful enough.

Why?

crackbabyjesus — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:08:28 EDT

Well, I guess we know the way to Spencer's heart is the Curious Finger. I personally hate the curious finger. If you like me, please do not mess with my butt.

Thanks.

crackbabyjesus

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:02:25 EDT

@Calitri: You can type with your feet? The talent around here is breathtaking sometimes.

Why?

StonedAndDethroned — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:01:13 EDT

I'm not sure I'd stick anything up anyone so obviously full of shit.

StonedAndDethroned

Why?

fiveinchtaint — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:00:00 EDT

@Unfun: Well, it is usually a genuine accident. Usually.

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Calitri — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:58:15 EDT

Wait. I've got all ten in, now what do I do again? D Phi, a little help?

Calitri

Why?

Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:57:17 EDT

@dummyfakeroller: I guess that's where you and I differ. @fiveinchtaint: All those times, they were doing it ON PURPOSE? Men!

Why?

intothelight — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:56:58 EDT

taco bell -- good choice, richard.

intothelight

Why?

richardmarxhatesmyhair — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:52:49 EDT

...and if you put your whole hand in and something shakes it, run.

richardmarxhatesmyhair

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valarmorghulis — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:48:50 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: Shhhhhhh!

valarmorghulis

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dummyfakeroller — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:46:49 EDT

If I suddenly felt fingers in my ass with no prior mention of butt sex, my response would be anything but happy. Oh sorry, happily.

dummyfakeroller

Why?

fiveinchtaint — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:46:29 EDT

I thought the simple "poor aim" tactic was universal.

Why?

hamburgerhotdog — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:46:01 EDT

@nightwatchman_flamekeeper: Cary Tennis' official stance: "fuck it".

hamburgerhotdog

Why?

La Cieca — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:44:47 EDT

Any sex with Spencer Pratt is butt sex.

La Cieca

Why?

ByeBye — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:43:26 EDT

@Jay-C: And insult to assholes around the world...THANKS

ByeBye

Why?

Nard — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:43:26 EDT

@Unfun: I always bring it up, too. But all indirect and sly-like. I say, "If things go well, maybe you'll give me a key to your backdoor?" then I wink, tap my pinkie ring against the table and tell her to have more breadsticks and salad.

Why?

Road_Rash — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:42:43 EDT

Comon now, whatever happened to the old, "two in the pink, one in the stink???"

Road_Rash

Why?

Jay-C — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:40:40 EDT

Just the advice you would expect from an asshole...

Jay-C

Why?

arguablythemostfamous — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:39:01 EDT

@Elle Menopi: "if you like someone, you mess with their butt" is the best thing I've heard in weeks

arguablythemostfamous

Why?

sassypants — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:38:21 EDT

Dirty Phi? I wonder if he's any relation of Old Dirty Bastard? In which case, we should take any advice he gives quite seriously.

sassypants

Why?

Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:37:45 EDT

I, for one, always bring it up on a first date. It's a litmus test, really. Kinda like their views on abortion.

nightwatchman_flamekeeper

Why?

bourgeoisie — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:36:48 EDT

Who knew that Spencer's douchebaggery could bring a smile after the day I'm having....not sure about the advice itself though.

bourgeoisie

Why?

SarahMcL — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:36:27 EDT

Next on MTV: "Celebrity Hot Tub Advice Club" - Spencer Pratt and his insane boxing coach Dirty Phi dispense advice to the lovelorn, the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning for plastic surgery.

SarahMcL

Why?

arguablythemostfamous — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:36:24 EDT

also, gross picture. gross. gross.

also I'm positive Heidi takes anal. 100. Percent. Positive.

RIGHT SPENCER???

arguablythemostfamous

Why?

valarmorghulis — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:36:19 EDT

@Unfun: I've always been a fan of the Mortal Kombat route.

valarmorghulis

Why?

nightwatchman_flamekeeper — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:35:39 EDT

@contradicto:

Three fingers of old red eye, please.

Why?

arguablythemostfamous — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:35:28 EDT

well good, my purging is taken care of for the day.

arguablythemostfamous

Why?

Elle Menopi — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:34:26 EDT

I didn't know it was an issue. If you like someone, you mess with their butt.

If their butt is stinky, leave.

Plain and simple.

Elle Menopi

Why?

hypocriteoath — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:34:21 EDT

I think his "boxing" coach is referring to wrestling guys and checking the oil. wrestlers = gross. spencer is prattling on about nothing. as per usual.

hypocriteoath

Why?

nightwatchman_flamekeeper — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:34:06 EDT

Can we get input from Cary Tennis on this matter?

nightwatchman_flamekeeper

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contradicto — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:33:54 EDT

Now I know why Heidi always has that constipated look on her face.

contradicto

Why?

Unfun — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:32:37 EDT

I always thought a good tactic would be to ask. I know, I'm crazy like that.