"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps." - Gawker Comments

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Robert Synnott — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:20:50 EDT

"Isn't the point of the ban because they are in an Islamic country? You know, if you invade someone else's country you really should have the decency to respect some of their beliefs."

Germany's an Islamic country, now?

Robert Synnott

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

hesperid — Thu, 08 May 2008 10:43:01 EDT

So I'll be needing to send my poor brother porn taped to the pages of a Reader's Digest? Fiiiine.

hesperid

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

MisterHippity — Wed, 07 May 2008 23:50:18 EDT

"Oh, did we say you could go back home and sleep with your wife again after a year? Well we lied! You're lookin' at another 10 months before that happens again — assuming you live that long! Hey, where did you get that magazine? Give us that! You shouldn't be reading that filth! You should be ashamed of yourself! And don't you dare try to touch that thing, soldier, or we'll shoot it off, you hear?"

MisterHippity

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

redhat_jane — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:23:13 EDT

So, wait, let me get this straight...

The troops are allowed to:

1. Kill innocent civilians.
2. Abuse puppies.
3. Engage in vaguely homoerotic torture scenarios.

But are NOT allowed to:

1. Drink beer.
2. Enjoy spank mags.
3. Leave. (Ever.)

Um, these bitches clearly need to reprioritize somethin' fierce.

redhat_jane

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

rtisovec — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:17:22 EDT

If it wasn't for magazines like Playboy keeping the troops busy, Captain Koons probably wouldn't have been able to retrieve your father's watch, making Pulp Fiction a different movie entirely.

rtisovec

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Piggah — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:58:06 EDT

Wait... since when is Maxim explicit?
They PAINSTAKINGLY airbrush any hint of nipple that may be visible.

Piggah

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:51:03 EDT

@sassypants: Then send them a sheep for christ's sake!

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

sassypants — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:27:53 EDT

@valarmorghulis:
I can see how that could easily be interpreted, but I think that that's the only whore we can afford around these parts.
@Dead Wrestlers Society: You're right. Probably did some donkey show for them or something.

sassypants

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

SidAndFinancy — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:09:38 EDT

@Mediahohoho: Oh, I thought the quote was along the lines of, "Dammit, Paris, if only you had some laddie magazines, none of this would have happened!"

What, wrong Priam/war?

SidAndFinancy

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Priam — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:55:53 EDT

As for the New GI Bill, I am totally for it. The problem with most of these "help the troops" bills is that they are usually so loaded with pork that no one in their right mind would vote for them. The side that wrote the bill then calls out the other side for not supporting the troops. Both sides are guilty of this, and it results in dead troops. It must be nice for the people in DC to use a young soldier's corpse as a neato graphic on PowerPoint presentation.

I haven't looked at the new bill that Bush is wanting to veto. Is there something tacked on to it besides military funding?

Priam

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

famousauthor — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:48:30 EDT

That's quite a new technological gadget on the cover. What can it do?

famousauthor

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:40:45 EDT

@Priam: No, I just wanted to know what your thoughts were, that's all. Thanks.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Priam — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:33:40 EDT

This bill will never go through. Even if it did, USO would pick up the slack. When I was there, we got truckloads of magazine donations via USO and other charitable organizations. Everything from Penthouse to Highlights. Then again, that might have just been something for Iraq and Afghanistan troops. I guess the Georgian Senator was smoking crack when he penned the bill. Hopefully, he gets replaced in the next election.
@Mediahohoho: What's the quote?

Priam

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Dusty in the Wind — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:11:48 EDT

If these coddled fancy boys would quit wanking it in the Green Zone in between eating Subway sandwiches and emailing their mommies, we'd be marching to Iran by now!!!

Dusty in the Wind

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Dusty in the Wind — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:08:43 EDT

Those magazines and the impure thoughts they inspire sap our American fighting men of their vital bodily fluids, inhibiting their will to kill for our oil-thirsty empire.

Dusty in the Wind

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:05:50 EDT

@Hez: Ogled at is less direct than salivated upon, so there is no hinderance there. Interestingly, cocktails with Donna seems firghtfully close to salivated upon, and thus only serves to enhance the sensation.

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:04:53 EDT

@secretagentman: It's an effort that began in 1986 with jagoff attorney general Ed Meese, Ron Reagan's boy, and has continued apace ever since. For instance, the Justice Department currently devotes the efforts of 5 - 10 full-time agents whose sole responsibility is to determine what crimes are currently being violated by the porn industry.

Because they have nothing better to do.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:02:11 EDT

@LeGagneur: Nope, you're right. It's just another GOP foot soldier. The whole party is past is prime. Expiration date is up. Time to go. Buh-fucking-bye.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

secretagentman — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:01:31 EDT

@Mediahohoho:
Well then, that's crazy. You'd think there would be about a hundred other things to worry about, like better armor or less Haliburton-stealing, than jackoff mags. Silly US Gov't.

secretagentman

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

LeGagneur — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:58:56 EDT

@IndianSlipper: Uh, except the article doesn't even mention Bush.

LeGagneur

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:55:17 EDT

@secretagentman: No, they want to ban it from being sold at PX stores outside of muslim countries. Because apparently respecting the first amendment is something these retards cannot get their fucking heads around. It has absolutely fuckall to do with what they can and cannot bring on deployment.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Hez — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:48:18 EDT

@valarmorghulis: However, my 90210s have been ogled by Brandon Walsh and enjoyed a cocktail with Donna Martin.

Hez

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Nard — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:46:38 EDT

I'll give you my June, 1994 copy of "Juggs" when you take it from my cold, dead hands!!!

Nard

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

secretagentman — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:45:41 EDT

Isn't the point of the ban because they are in an Islamic country? You know, if you invade someone else's country you really should have the decency to respect some of their beliefs.

secretagentman

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

CopyofBlueboy — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:42:43 EDT

@TedSez: She's also had hella surgery and been airbrushed within an inch of her life. So even SHE doesn't look like that.

Is "morale" code for "erections"? I think it is.

CopyofBlueboy

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

witz.org — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:32:25 EDT

They should ban FHM, since it stopped publishing a US print edition in 2006. The issues floating around Iraq must be 1) old 2) sticky 3) British.

witz.org

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

PersonOfInterest — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:31:19 EDT

Without these magazines they might resort to raping their female coworkers and having government contractors bring in hookers. Oh wait...

PersonOfInterest

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:27:03 EDT

@Hez: Oddly enough this fact kinda turns me on.

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

DorothyMantooth — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:25:55 EDT

@fiveinchtaint: And the Sky Mall catalog for all the Air Force guys!

...no?

DorothyMantooth

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Hez — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:20:05 EDT

@Mary Mouse: Thank you, darling. Mine also haven't been slobbered on by David Silver.

Hez

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Goober_Pea — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:20:03 EDT

This is just crazy! Didn't they learn from what happened when they took the girls away from Catholicism?

Goober_Pea

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

IndianSlipper — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:19:09 EDT

@Mary Mouse: And Hez knows I luvs hers too! (Damnit Hez I owe you a gift though I never used the pic as my avatar. I'll find one soon)

IndianSlipper

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

miasma-protege — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:17:43 EDT

The gland of the free.

miasma-protege

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

contradicto — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:15:21 EDT

Banning Penthouse probably doesn't bother Matt Sanchez at all.

contradicto

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mary Mouse — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:14:23 EDT

@Hez: I don't know what Indian Slipper is getting so hot and bothered over; we all know you have nicer boobs than her anyway.

Mary Mouse

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:13:48 EDT

@sassypants: I'm pretty sure she's already done that.

Dead Wrestlers Society

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

it takes a lot to laugh — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:13:39 EDT

They show pilots porn just before they send them off on bombing missions. Apparently it heightens their concentration ability or something.

it takes a lot to laugh

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

fiveinchtaint — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:13:20 EDT

Also, enforce subscriptions for Good Housekeeping so the lady soldiers can enhance their domestic touch for serving Iraqis freedom.

fiveinchtaint

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:13:04 EDT

@sassypants: Why do you hate our military personnel?

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:11:19 EDT

@Colonel Mustard: For the last time, stop going through my wardrobe.

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

sassypants — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:09:27 EDT

This is bullshit. Which senator is going to write the competing bill to support the troops right to masturbate copiously to (quasi)nudie mags? Who will come to our troops defense?

I'm starting a collection from commenters. It this (God forbid) goes through, I think we should hire Tara Reid to head overseas and service our troops. Who's with me?

sassypants

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Colonel Mustard — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:07:17 EDT

@Mary Mouse: That would actually be hilarious. Like finding a shirt with "SHIRT" written inside the collar in a black sharpie.

Colonel Mustard

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Hez — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:06:09 EDT

@Mary Mouse: Jinx! Buy me a coke. (Or an eight ball.)

Hez

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Hez — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:05:36 EDT

@TedSez: Her catbag is actually labeled "BAG"? ::Shudder::

Hez

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Greasy Thumb Guzik — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:05:19 EDT

@LoveHandles:
Completely agree!
I also wouldn't be surprised if it allows gay porn to be sold.
That's courtesy of all the closeted, gay Republitards in Congress, which is all of them.

Greasy Thumb Guzik

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mary Mouse — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:05:11 EDT

@Colonel Mustard: Or CATBAG (do you think she's a Tionna fan?)

Mary Mouse

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

BalknChain — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:04:50 EDT

Damn guvment.
You can be a jerk-off and shoot people, but you can't jerk-off and shoot blanks?

BalknChain

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Pithmaster — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:03:24 EDT

i love your hair. do you know debbie?

Pithmaster

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

lawyergay — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:02:48 EDT

This would be a catastrophe. How will our don't ask don't tell boys be able to throw the homo hunters off the trail without leaving copies of Playboy or Penthouse lying out on their exquisitely made bunks?

lawyergay

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

In Other News... — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:02:22 EDT

@TedSez: Re: 22 - Whew! Re: Brian Austin Green - Ew!

In Other News...

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

bonera — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:02:00 EDT

@Pithmaster:
From seed to shining seed.

bonera

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Pithmaster — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:01:47 EDT

dont ask. don't tell. ...don't read

Pithmaster

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

TedSez — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:01:12 EDT

@Mediahohoho: To "Make Friends"?

TedSez

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

IndianSlipper — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:00:10 EDT

@Mediahohoho: Yeah, and don't get me started on the treatment in the VA's. I'm giving myself a few hour time out.

IndianSlipper

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Colonel Mustard — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:00:09 EDT

@TedSez: That'll be sad when they break up and she has to have it altered to read "BAG Lady Forever".

Colonel Mustard

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:00:03 EDT

@Mediahohoho: Der...his initials.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

LoveHandles — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:58:53 EDT

I can't wait until the Republican Congressman who proposed this is inevitably found out to be a homosexual pedophile.

LoveHandles

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

GraniteInMyVeins — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:58:31 EDT

@TedSez: Talk about a man marking his territory, sheesh.

GraniteInMyVeins

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:57:54 EDT

@TedSez: Are you sure it's not just her initials and that it's not just an invitation?

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Astrolabe — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:57:47 EDT

Make porn, not war.

Astrolabe

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Pithmaster — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:57:32 EDT

Playboy-the other discharge papers..

Pithmaster

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:57:19 EDT

@In Other News...: Every time that scene comes on, my teevee creates a temporal warp that takes me back a decade so that it is socially accecptable to oogle her jiggly bits. At least, that's what the salesmen at Best Buy told me when I bought it.

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:57:14 EDT

Of course, these are the same chuckleheads who refuse to get behind the new GI bill because offering a good educational package to soldiers risking their lives in combat might give them an incentive to not re-enlist.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Pithmaster — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:55:52 EDT

Playboy--the other discharge papers..

Pithmaster

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

TedSez — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:54:37 EDT

@In Other News...: If it makes you feel any better, Megan Fox is 22. If it makes you feel any worse, she's engaged to Brian Austin Green, whose name is "tattooed near her genital region."

TedSez

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

rina — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:54:10 EDT

I'd like to request that my tax dollars be spent on flying Hooters girls overseas to give blow jobs to service men.

rina

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Mediahohoho — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:54:00 EDT

I want to read a quote from Priam, but it seems to me that one of the missions in Iraq and Afgphanistan is to prevent a theocratic style of government from taking over. Which is yet another reason that at least the Iraq force needs to be redeployed stateside.

Mediahohoho

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Richard — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:53:23 EDT

@Knucklehead Babylon: Star for that!

Richard

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

IndianSlipper — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:51:10 EDT

This reminds me I have to change my fucking avatar. Fuckin A this has me hot and bothered.

IndianSlipper

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

In Other News... — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:51:08 EDT

So in Transformers, didn't Megan Fox play a high school student? And during that part where she's looking under the hood of Shia LeBOOFS car, and the camera was ogling her, were we, um, older gents supposed to be ogling along?

In Other News...

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

GraniteInMyVeins — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:51:04 EDT

Wow, way to go military personnel for finding a way to further discourage enlistment...

GraniteInMyVeins

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Smitros — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:50:45 EDT

Those articles in the picture are barely covered.

Smitros

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Knucklehead Babylon — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:49:55 EDT

"If I'm gonna die for a word, then my word is poontang."

Knucklehead Babylon

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

valarmorghulis — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:49:42 EDT

I'm actually all for this provided that the bill also requires castration to hold office.

valarmorghulis

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

IndianSlipper — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:49:07 EDT

Jesus H Fucking Christian Values Nutjobs! First, it's "don't ask, don't tell" and now they want to take away their hetero porn?

Porn has gotten the boys in the foxhole through shitty days since the invention of war and porn!

Can we get this guy out of the White House already?

IndianSlipper

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Dead Wrestlers Society — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:47:16 EDT

I guess if you ask them why they like Maxim and they say because of the articles, that sort of skirts the whole "don't ask don't tell" issue.

Dead Wrestlers Society

"I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

TheHonJudgeSmails — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:47:09 EDT

The whole idea of banning pornography among the military is preposterous. These poor guys. Bless them - their government so rarely has their best interests at heart.

TheHonJudgeSmails