<![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> The newest in a list that I am sure will continue to run and run why I wish Scarlett Johannssen would shut the eff up. I just wish she wou

BiBiVirtue

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> John Steinbeck, Edgar Allen Poe, Jimmy Carter, Abraham Lincoln, and Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. all influenced me, but I'm pretty clear about them not being my dads. Edgar Allen Poe is my distant cousin though.

bansaiiiiii

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @warmaiden: It's a long e: Pastē

dlduncan2

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> [danishdesign.org]

One of these guys is Scarlet's real father!

felion

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> The title of the rag says "Paste," but I can't help but think it was meant to say "Pasty"...

warmaiden

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @SlickaNicka: But, with Woody Allen it can be perceived as a come on.

WordSalad

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Poor Woodie. This newsflash will make him so sad. He doesn't want to be anyone's dad, but especially not hers....

PantyWaist

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> They can portray her as an intellectual, but her voice still sounds the same.

WordSalad

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Unfun: Are you sure that wasn't "Any time I say anything amusing, Scarlett's ON top of me"?

From this interview excerpt, I don't see the wit.

Notyourmother

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Don't worry Lindsay, you've still got Al Gore.

whoneedslight

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Mike_Jahn: Judging by obnoxious crap like this, I'd say "most of her friends" probably don't exist.

I support Obama's health care plan too, wearing a button doesn't make someone your "dad". This girl needs to get taken down a notch in a big way.

arguablythemostfamous

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @awinoforever: Maybe it's supposed to mean that he's Great.

arguablythemostfamous

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> all she has to say about her dad is that he's danish. i'm danish and i don't even know what that means.

awinoforever

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Hey, saying that her dad is Danish really does say a lot about him and likely their relationship. Whether that's good or bad, I'm not the best judge: my dad's swedish and we hate the danes.

Svenskasweetie

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> I also used to think of five different guys as my dads. Then DNA testing cleared it all up. Thanks, science!

winniemc

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Shut. Up. Scarlett.

narymary

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> She's like Warren Jeffs turned upside down a generation. Multiple fathers. Hmmm.....this ought to invite the attention of the Justice Department, particularly if some of them are not Republicans.

famousauthor

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Unfun: woody allen has severely gone downhill if scarjo is somehow wittier than him these days.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Meanwhile, Helen Hunt, Demi Moore, Melissa Etheridge and The Indigo Girls are quietly relieved that Scarlett's "My Five Moms" list hasn't yet gone public.

Lysergic Asset

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> I know ScarJo, people really need to READ BETWEEN THE LINES when Woody says this about you:

"It's very hard to be extra witty around a sexually overwhelming, beautiful young woman who is wittier than you are. Anytime I say anything amusing, Scarlett tops me."

That's fatherly love, right there, alright people! GOD!

Unfun

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Maybe she should use some of her millions to hook up her friends with some health insurance. At least catastrophic!

dreamweave

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Mike_Jahn: Thanks! I got this in the mail today and from the cover it became clear that anyone she's ever worked with/voted for is suddenly her father . . . which is, you know, good to know for future reference.

angelheadedhipster

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> She cites Obama's health care plan as a reason for supporting him. She says "most of my friends don't have insurance."

Most of your friends are 23, honey.

Mike_Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> YAAAAAAAY PASTE! Sorry. I know their managing and online editors. Nice people. I have nothing else add, really, except that I think ScarJo is terminally boring.

pssshwhatever

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @angelheadedhipster: Nice! And I love your screen name.

Mike_Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @moff : Well, we have the father-figure kind of daddies, and then we have the Austrian, freak-show, lock you in the basement and do bad things daddies. I meant the former.

This isn't to say when Keith Mars said "who's your daddy?" it wasn't funny and cute, however. He's exempt.

SlickaNicka

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Whatever, man. I never met a 23 year old who didn't utter stone cold stupidisms on a regular basis, myself included.

HelloTitty

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Mike_Jahn: Ha! (And welcome back.)

GeorgeBabbitt

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Which of her imaginary daddies will give her away at her imaginary wedding?

And does anyone get the feeling that theig girl has more interviews than friends?

Tammany_Fall

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Desk_hack: oops, jinx!

roodles

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> That must have been some frat party the night she was concieved . . .

angelheadedhipster

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> I'm sure Woody Allen is pretty happy about his pseudo dad status with Scar Jo considering how he met his current wife/adopted kid.

roodles

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @SlickaNicka: Are you kidding? You can't do it half-assed!

moff

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> I'd like to be her Uncle Ernie.

Mike_Jahn

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @OhhYeah: If you think discipline would consist of grounding, you just don't fully appreciate daddy issues, my friend.

GeorgeBabbitt

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: that makes 2 of us.

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Isaac Misrahi's gonna be so bummed he didn't make the list.

SW-2

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @mitchel_stevens:

Woody Allen directs Scarlett Johansson in
Fashionistas Safado or Everything You Wanted to Know About being a Sexual Deviant but were too lazy to look up on the Internet.

I'd buy it.

T. L. Morgendorffer

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Someone needs to tell her that just because an older man says "who's your daddy?" doesn't mean he wants to BE your daddy.

SlickaNicka

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Woody Allen cares about her the way he cares about Soon-Yi, his adopted dau - um, yeah.

Desk_hack

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @Clarence Rosario: *snap!*

JennaW, Internet Tough Girl

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Wasn't Barack her fiance just about 2 months ago? So was he her dad before they were engaged or after? And what are his fatherly responsibilities? Does he ground her if she doesn't have dinner on the table promptly at 6? Set a curfew? So many questions.

OhhYeah

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> great, now I'm going to have the "Rock Me, Amadeus" parody song "Eat me, I'm a Danish" stuck in my head all day.

stew

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @JennaW: Rats.

Clarence Rosario

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> I love a girl with daddy issues.

Clarence Rosario

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @allyzay: Such a waste of real estate.

@hypocriteoath: I like boobies.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> ScarJo has Daddy issues? That is so very shocking...

JennaW, Internet Tough Girl

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> She never has, or never will be relevent to me. Bor-Ing.

Missouri2

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails:and he NAILS it! it's so simple!

hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @TheHonJudgeSmails: they've got a summer movie preview over her abilities!

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Uh, so she eats her real dad? Or does he eat her? I don't get it.

IndianSlipper

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @allyzay: Common misperception. A wiser cover editor would focus more clearly on her abilities. Both of them.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> A kind but tough-as-nails judge, played perhaps by... oh I don't know, Florence Stanley maybe... should settle this once and for all by ordering all the dads to live together and have hijinks.

Lewis

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Screw you guys, I'm going to buy her a present for mother's day.

unutterable

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Her head makes it look as if the title of the magazine is Passe. Which seems just about right at this point.

TedSez

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Instead of the '5 People You Meet in Heaven,' it's the 'five people you slime with in an elevator'

Nathaniel_Poor

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> i'm a whole helluva lot interested in this portishead/al green/the replacements banner up top. can you guys please do a story on that, and stop giving scarjo the time? it's not really very nice to make fun of the disabled, even if you can't see their disability.

allyzay

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> She's like the Sasha Grey of Pseudo Indiewood.

Except not as entertaining.

mitchel_stevens

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Dennis Quaid is gonna feel SOOO left out.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> @KarenUhOh: I don't think that's actually possible. none of them are morning pastries.

this is the kind of stuff you get away with when you're hot. people will still actually refer to you as a GREAT actress. and you can call people you met a few times your dad and not be called an complete ass-kisser.
ass-kisser/brown-noser.


hypocriteoath

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> soooo pretentious.

arguablythemostfamous

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> It's really gross how they're trying to position her as the thinking man's blonde bimbo, an appropriate fantasy for middle-aged men.

Nathaniel_Poor

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> Bill Murray's her Dad? Doesn't that make that movie slightly icky?

Bell County

]]> <![CDATA[Scarlett Johansson's Five Imaginary Fathers]]> There's a fair chance two or so of them are her actual dad.

KarenUhOh

]]>