<![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches - Gawker Comments]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> My favorite graduation advice of all time:

"There is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved by pizza."

-Daria Morgendorffer

For full speech (it's at the end of the clip, haven't mastered this video clipping thing yet, but who doesn't want to watch extra Daria?):


+ Watch video

LunaLaredo

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @vandusen:
I love grad students. ;-)

SayHeyJay

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Dee Dee Myers spoke at my kid's graduation this year...boy, that was annoying...

Yank

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I hate college graduates.

vandusen

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Michigan '07 had Bill Clinton -- and let me say -- he definitely did not have a speech written... he just busted out with a perfected eloquent "conversation" (if I may) to the audience...

joannie

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I was gunning so hard for Tony Kushner, but we got Margaret Edson (she wrote Wit) for commencement this weekend, which isn't bad at all. Plus, Christiane Amanpour will be here! I'm not sure if she's saying anything, but I get to stare at her big gorgeous smart head.

Awestruck

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I wuz all set to snark, and then there was Steve Jobs. Damn you, Richard, you know my weakness!

raincoaster

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> And so now that you've come to MIT and flexed your magnificent mental muscles, made mighty by the methodical mastery of mathematically menacing, scientifically sophisticated, econometrically intimidating systems of equations, and such, you have proven that you are now ready to leave, for you have outgrown this place.

- MIT grad school council prexy making fun of big words and indulging in geek speak in 2004 commencement.

backseat_driver10023

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> That's good, but I think I can top that:

Ali G Addresses Harvard's Class of 2004


+ Watch video

Related: Ali G Offends, Entertains on a Hot Class Day
[www.thecrimson.com]

We were all squirming that day.

SayHeyJay

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I don't think we had a commencement speaker, by the baccalaureate speaker was one of my Sophomore year roommates parents. She sucked. Their speech was about how great it was to raise her. (Yea, yea, technically one of her parents is high up in the govern-a-ment or something, but come 'on.)

LadybirdRamone

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @Nard38: We had Garry Trudeau as our commencement speaker. He was supposed to co-speak with his wife, but she bailed at the last minute. The next year, they got Bill Cosby and many in my class felt screwed over.

The One

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I didn't go to my college graduation, but Mayor for Life Richard M. Daley of Chicago spoke at my HS graduation. There were malapropisms a-plenty.

katieee

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @tunamelt: he's an Ithaca alum. all the hippies protested him when he came on campus. expect nothing.

bess marvin, girl detective

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @fiveinchtaint: And the 70's - don't forget "Murray!"

NinaHagen

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> The year before I graduated the speaker was President Bush (which is something no matter what side of the fence you land on). I graduated in 2002 so we all thought maybe we would get some 9/11 hero or really motivational speech. The announced the speaker would be then President of Mexico Vincente Fox. Which we then all bitched about not being able to understand him (hey, it was the midwest), until he canceled because of political reasons. And we got Tim Russert. He started out with something great and then whipped out his little White Board from Election Night 2000. That was in the first 5 minutes. From what I remember after that... well I would probably have remembered Spanish better.

Goober_Pea

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @fiveinchtaint: Bill Cosby was my commencement speaker. WAY, WAY later than it would have been cool.

Nard

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Overheard on my way home: "My commencement speaker was that guy who played Captain Stubing on Love Boat."

Sounds depressing to me, but maybe this was cool in the early '80s?

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> The year after Stephen Colbert gave the speech, we had Bill Clinton. Which choice seems totally lame and anticlimactic following on the heels of Colbert greatness.

Meaux

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @freeflushots: I just reread that speech for the first time since, and its even more prescient than I remembered.

All that badmouthing of her "boyfriend" upset my Republican grandma, though.

TheGintheCity

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I want to punch the douchebag who introduces Will Ferrell. Are all Harvard students like that?
(That was a rhetorical question).

misssgolightly

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @jeanutters: thank you!! i was one highly disappointed grad last year, seeing schumer on autopilot chanting 'take the girl!' though i heard he has finally decided to retire. the speech, that is.

catyd

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> NYU's graduating class of 2008 held commencement ceremonies Wednesday morning at Yankee Stadium.

Honorees included actor Michael J. Fox and New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan, who said the graduates could learn from Big Blue's Super Bowl win.

"Live your life. If there's ever a story to learn, it's my story, and the story of the New York Giants," said Strahan. "That perseverance and all those things will carry you through life, and you'll never know where you'll end up. Do you think I ever thought I would end up talking to you? Absolutely not!"

The foregoing is amusing, because a) I'm not aware Strahan possesses a college degree and b) a guy dropped his pants and ran the bases, only to be tackled just short of home plate by security.

A good day.

plasticene

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @TheGintheCity: I've seen him speak before, and he is always so much more correct about the world than I'd like.

freeflushots

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I'm so old I had to Google to remind myself of who my commencement speaker was. Even after reading the name, I still can't recall him or what he said. The whole graduation thing was overshadowed by Len Bias coking out a day or two later anyway.

I Don't Get It

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> The Conan one is hilarious and he even mentions my favorite disease when he discusses the topic of his own thesis: "...Literary Progeria in the works of Flannery O'Connor and William Faulkner. Let's just say that, during my discussions with Pauly Shore, it doesn't come up much."

scroll_lock

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @freeflushots: I was at #5. When he talked about the Supreme Court boosting Bush through the White House windows, how little did we know then...

TheGintheCity

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> our was some legal professor from harvard. *yawn*

goodgodno

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Cardinal McCarrick at Catholic University's graduation in 2001. He wore an amazing black and red number, with cape! and funny hat, and aviator sunglasses. It was totally Spy vs Spy.

marionthelibrarian

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Francis S. Collins (head of the human genome project), UVA 2001: [www.virginia.edu]

The man sang a song and referenced Temptation Island. That's all the inspiration I need.

JamieRoss

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @flipper baby: You idiot, it was the US Ambassador to NATO.

flipper baby

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> My alma mater's commencement speaker this year is Clarence Thomas.

GinaRomantica

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> This only makes me depressed because my commencement speaker this year is this guy.

twobighands

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I drank a whole bottle of Mad Dog the night before my commencement. I missed the ceremony. As it was a large school ("College of Arts and Science, stand up, sit down"), my folks never found out until almost ten years later. I missed John Updike give the speech, and Natalie Cole get an honorary degree.

Ed

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @jeanutters: Our class day speaker called us the "Class of 2000" not once but twice during her horrid speech. We were the class of 2005.

Phyllis Nefler

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Jerry Zucker at University of Wisconsin, 2003. Funniest damn speech ever.
[www.news.wisc.edu]

GawkEye

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Thinking about commencement speakers always gets me pissed for having to sit through the Secretary of Energy going blah blah blah for a half hour while at the same time Vassar students were getting that Kushner speech.

flipper baby

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @tunamelt: Well, after that, step out into the California sun and drink lots. You'll totally regret it tomorrow, but it's important regret to have.

Richard

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Gawker, PLEASE call out Chuck Schumer for giving the SAME speech year after year, commencement after commencement since at least 2001?

jeanutters

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @NeverEnough: Second that. You guys missed a big one:

[www.hbo.com]

britneyspearstears

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @Richard: I'm actually supposed to be packing and/or waiting for my parents.

tunamelt

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Eileen Myles? Amazing.

SarahHeartburn

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @tunamelt: You're graduating tomorrow and you're reading Gawker?? I feel sort of honored, but good lord! Go get thee crunk!

Richard

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @freeflushots: Robert Iger, the CEO of Disney, is speaking at my commencement tomorrow. I don't know what to expect.

tunamelt

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @freeflushots: A playwright? Must've cost them dozens upon dozens of dollars to book him.

TheHonJudgeSmails

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Richard, the one you originally posted was excellent. I just finished it after endless distractions. Great little post series.

fiveinchtaint

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> harvard kids are so fucking awkward.

bess marvin, girl detective

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> Strangely enough, I just found out that Tony Kushner will be delivering the commencement at my lil' old college tomorrow. I can only hope that they didn't blow their wad (or wallet) on him so I don't get stuck with Julia Allison next year...

freeflushots

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> @LadybirdRamone: These things get me so damn worked up!

Richard

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> I'm so hormonal, three of those made me cry. Also, I was at #3, and it was much better sitting in the quiet of my house than it was at the time, sitting on hot bleachers.

LadybirdRamone

]]> <![CDATA[Ten of Our Favorite Commencement Speeches]]> No Ali G?

NeverEnough

]]>