Philadelphia police are asking for the public’s help to track down a young man who recently picked a very silly, slippy night to halfheartedly attempt a murder.
WTXF reports that on Wednesday, authorities released surveillance video of a man believed to be 21-year-old Henry Pettigrew rushing into the Purple Orchid strip club in Elmwood and firing several shots with an AK-47 rifle. One person sustained non-life-threatening injuries. Police have advised the public not to approach Pettigrew if they see him, but instead dial 9-1-1.
You will recognize Pettigrew because he will be the klutzy stumblebum tripping all over town (he's also 5’11, 180 pounds, with a thin beard). Perhaps you’ve seen him bonking his noggin on a “PULL” door he thought was a push while attempting to knock over a bank; or falling into a puddle and dropping all the rubies he was carrying into the mud while a bird poops on his head and his pants fall down.
The surveillance footage opens with Pettigrew firing some shots into a car in the parking lot, then promptly falling down. This isn’t falling down like, “Whoops, I tripped, did anyone see that?” This is falling down like SPLAT. Like Frogger. Like, are you really sure you want to push ahead with your plan to shoot up this strip club because I just saw you fall outside and you look like a DOPE?
Committed to chaos, he picks himself up without missing a beat and runs inside the strip club vestibule, where he promptly falls down AGAIN—just as big the second time—and scrambles around on the ground for a couple seconds like a newborn calf totally botching her first attempt at gun violence.
Finally, two bumbles deep, Pettigrew bursts into the strip club and starts shooting haphazardly. (Mischief managed.)
According to WTXF, police initially reported that the shooting was prompted by the club D.J.’s refusal to play Pettigrew’s favorite song, which, is annoying but probably does not warrant even a slapstick attempt to riddle his body with bullets. They’ve since taken a step back to say that the Pettigrew and his accomplice were engaged in a dispute with the club’s management and bouncers. Cops are also searching for the accomplice who drove Pettigrew's getaway car.
Feel free to use this gif to help identify him:
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